Don't Urinate on the Stock Room Floor!
January/13/2009 08:00 PM Filed in: Random
On the Monday before Christmas, I was in San Francisco chillin with my boy Clay. He wanted to go check out a bar in the Marina called “Gravity.” So, I rolled with him down the this bar and it had a huge line that the bouncers were holding (effin bouncers holding effin lines). I hate when that happens, so I suggested we go next door to Jones and wait there until the line died down or until they started letting people in.
We walked into Jones and sat down and there was just the bartender and a couple of girls at the bar. Clay’s a lightweight, so it didnt take much more than a couple Patron shots and a mixed drink to get him feeling frisky right off the bat.
We were enjoying ourselves and our impromptu pre-party when a group of five young women walked in and sat at the bar also. Now it’s me, Clay, and seven women at this bar. That’s when the fun started.
Clay has a BIG thing for Asian women and one of the girls just happened to be Asian, so he was zoned in. I started watching Clay, who was staring down the Asian girl, who was too drunk to comprehend anything at all.
To be honest, her whole crew was RIDICULOUSLY drunk. I couldn’t tell immediately, but Clay must have had his drunk-dar on high reception, because he seemed to hone in on the group and their actions. He was watching as they climbed over the bar and made their own drinks. He was watching when they fell out of their stools and chairs, laughing the way that drunk college girls tend to laugh when even they realize how drunk they are.
All of a sudden, Clay made his move. He yelled out, to all seven women at once: “who wants to do body shots?!”
I, personally, thought he was being ridiculous and that they would call both of us creepers since we were the only two men in there. Instead they started cheering. Clay started to unbutton his shirt as he stood up. I couldn’t believe it was really going to go down like this. In fact, all the girls were cheering on the Asian girl to let Clay take the body shots off of her. She was a little hesitant though and took her sweet time deciding if she wanted to go through with it. All the while, Clay was looking around, shirt unbuttoned, asking people “so, are we gonna do this or what?”
After about ten minutes of what basically amounted to the girl getting even more drunk, drunk enough to have no control over her decisions, she agreed to let Clayton take his body shot. With all her girls cheering, she laid down on the bar. Clay was handed a cup full of Patron (yea, a cup, not a shot) from which he then poured a small amount onto her stomach. He leaned in and hit the shot. Someone then shouted “do another one,” so he did. The girl didn’t move or seem to care, so he went on to do six more. The whole scene was pretty ridiculous.
Clay sat back down next to me (I hadn’t moved) and let the alcohol sit it. He was now drunk. The girls were still doing shots and getting more drunk. I was laughing at everyone and everything because it was quite funny. Seriously, the girl to my left started singing “Silent Night.” Like REALLY singing it like she was in the choir. The girl to her left started talking to Clay. Although I didn’t catch much, I did catch a phone number exchange and I SWEAR she said (cover your eyes if you don’t like Rated R): “c*m on my face!” I still have no clue as to why. I was the only sober person in the building besides the bartender.
All of a sudden, Clay gets down on the ground and starts ding push-ups. I gave him a look that said: “you gotta be kidding me,” but it was pretty funny. It got funnier when all the girls got down on the floor and they had a push-up contest. I guess alcohol gave them all extra chest muscle or something, because the all did upwards of 30 push-ups each.
They were still debating who did the most push-ups when somebody yelled out “hey! Everybody get the f*^k out! Bar’s closed!”
It was the bartender, and he had the asian girl thrown over his shoulder like a wet beach towel. I didn’t even notice she was gone from her friends who were doing push ups and arguing for the past 20 minutes. Everyone then turns and looks at the bartender, who is livid.
“Everyone’s got to go, I caught this girl, pants down, pissing on my stock room floor. Get her out of here and go home.”
Her pants did look like she may have missed the floor a little bit. That’s when Clay and I took our cues and left. Clay tried Facebooking all of the girls before he went to bed, but as far as I know, none of them have accepted. Cold blooded. He’ll always have his body shots though.
We walked into Jones and sat down and there was just the bartender and a couple of girls at the bar. Clay’s a lightweight, so it didnt take much more than a couple Patron shots and a mixed drink to get him feeling frisky right off the bat.
We were enjoying ourselves and our impromptu pre-party when a group of five young women walked in and sat at the bar also. Now it’s me, Clay, and seven women at this bar. That’s when the fun started.
Clay has a BIG thing for Asian women and one of the girls just happened to be Asian, so he was zoned in. I started watching Clay, who was staring down the Asian girl, who was too drunk to comprehend anything at all.
To be honest, her whole crew was RIDICULOUSLY drunk. I couldn’t tell immediately, but Clay must have had his drunk-dar on high reception, because he seemed to hone in on the group and their actions. He was watching as they climbed over the bar and made their own drinks. He was watching when they fell out of their stools and chairs, laughing the way that drunk college girls tend to laugh when even they realize how drunk they are.
All of a sudden, Clay made his move. He yelled out, to all seven women at once: “who wants to do body shots?!”
I, personally, thought he was being ridiculous and that they would call both of us creepers since we were the only two men in there. Instead they started cheering. Clay started to unbutton his shirt as he stood up. I couldn’t believe it was really going to go down like this. In fact, all the girls were cheering on the Asian girl to let Clay take the body shots off of her. She was a little hesitant though and took her sweet time deciding if she wanted to go through with it. All the while, Clay was looking around, shirt unbuttoned, asking people “so, are we gonna do this or what?”
After about ten minutes of what basically amounted to the girl getting even more drunk, drunk enough to have no control over her decisions, she agreed to let Clayton take his body shot. With all her girls cheering, she laid down on the bar. Clay was handed a cup full of Patron (yea, a cup, not a shot) from which he then poured a small amount onto her stomach. He leaned in and hit the shot. Someone then shouted “do another one,” so he did. The girl didn’t move or seem to care, so he went on to do six more. The whole scene was pretty ridiculous.
Clay sat back down next to me (I hadn’t moved) and let the alcohol sit it. He was now drunk. The girls were still doing shots and getting more drunk. I was laughing at everyone and everything because it was quite funny. Seriously, the girl to my left started singing “Silent Night.” Like REALLY singing it like she was in the choir. The girl to her left started talking to Clay. Although I didn’t catch much, I did catch a phone number exchange and I SWEAR she said (cover your eyes if you don’t like Rated R): “c*m on my face!” I still have no clue as to why. I was the only sober person in the building besides the bartender.
All of a sudden, Clay gets down on the ground and starts ding push-ups. I gave him a look that said: “you gotta be kidding me,” but it was pretty funny. It got funnier when all the girls got down on the floor and they had a push-up contest. I guess alcohol gave them all extra chest muscle or something, because the all did upwards of 30 push-ups each.
They were still debating who did the most push-ups when somebody yelled out “hey! Everybody get the f*^k out! Bar’s closed!”
It was the bartender, and he had the asian girl thrown over his shoulder like a wet beach towel. I didn’t even notice she was gone from her friends who were doing push ups and arguing for the past 20 minutes. Everyone then turns and looks at the bartender, who is livid.
“Everyone’s got to go, I caught this girl, pants down, pissing on my stock room floor. Get her out of here and go home.”
Her pants did look like she may have missed the floor a little bit. That’s when Clay and I took our cues and left. Clay tried Facebooking all of the girls before he went to bed, but as far as I know, none of them have accepted. Cold blooded. He’ll always have his body shots though.
|
My Blessings
January/13/2009 07:59 PM Filed in: Random
The other day I got an e-mail that made me laugh out loud. I get a lot of boom tho related e-mail, and 99.99% of it is really cool, great stuff from good people. Then I got this:
Your Name: alex blakeney
Your Email: alexblakeney@yahoo.com
Subject: give it up
Message: give it up Rod. you are not that good. you should have stayed in europe. how much do you want to bet that you never make it to the NBA this year? $50, $100, $500, $1000? you got no game
I got this while I was at the D-League showcase and I was surrounded by other ballers and officials. We laughed, hard, then they told me that I had to respond, so I did:
Alex,
Thanks for your constructive input. I will strongly consider the questions posed.
Keep supporting the movement!
Rod
I went on about my day.
The next day, I got another response:
I was once again surrounded by other players, including my boy (and soon to be blogging here on TMRB) Coleman Collins who said this guy was ridiculous, a hater, and stupid. To quote Coleman:
“What does this guy think you’re gonna just go quit basketball today because he sent you this message? What does he expect to come out of this? Idiot.”
Coleman is a smart guy who has a point, but the e-mail did kind of get me to thinking. See, as cool as it would be to get called up this season, I’ve been here before and I haven’t. So what if I don’t? Did I waste my time? The answer, clearly, is no. Here’s why:
-- I spent 4 months in France and made more tax free money than every one of my friends, and most of the American public.
-- I haven’t payed rent since college.
-- I work for a few hours a day and spend the rest being creative.
-- I get to travel the country, and the globe, and get paid to do it.
-- My job is FUN.
-- I can go back to Europe in a heartbeat and make big money for the rest of my days. I made enough this year to where I feel comfortable chillin for a bit.
Those, among other reasons clearly indicate that playing hoops, at any level, is one of the best jobs there is. I’ll bet $50, $100, $500 on that! I, and every person I play with, am blessed to be able bodied and skilled enough to do it. So, I actually thank Mr. Blakeney for helping me to remind me of why I do it. 2009 is gonna be huge, I can feel it! In other words: “my horn can pierce the sky!”
Your Name: alex blakeney
Your Email: alexblakeney@yahoo.com
Subject: give it up
Message: give it up Rod. you are not that good. you should have stayed in europe. how much do you want to bet that you never make it to the NBA this year? $50, $100, $500, $1000? you got no game
I got this while I was at the D-League showcase and I was surrounded by other ballers and officials. We laughed, hard, then they told me that I had to respond, so I did:
Alex,
Thanks for your constructive input. I will strongly consider the questions posed.
Keep supporting the movement!
Rod
I went on about my day.
The next day, I got another response:
| face it, you had one good year at Cal, the other 3 were sub par at best. I guess it is hard for me to see an otherwise mulit- talented individual waste good years on pursuing something that is not feasible. sorry bro, sometimes you need to let the dream go and get on with your life. |
“What does this guy think you’re gonna just go quit basketball today because he sent you this message? What does he expect to come out of this? Idiot.”
Coleman is a smart guy who has a point, but the e-mail did kind of get me to thinking. See, as cool as it would be to get called up this season, I’ve been here before and I haven’t. So what if I don’t? Did I waste my time? The answer, clearly, is no. Here’s why:
-- I spent 4 months in France and made more tax free money than every one of my friends, and most of the American public.
-- I haven’t payed rent since college.
-- I work for a few hours a day and spend the rest being creative.
-- I get to travel the country, and the globe, and get paid to do it.
-- My job is FUN.
-- I can go back to Europe in a heartbeat and make big money for the rest of my days. I made enough this year to where I feel comfortable chillin for a bit.
Those, among other reasons clearly indicate that playing hoops, at any level, is one of the best jobs there is. I’ll bet $50, $100, $500 on that! I, and every person I play with, am blessed to be able bodied and skilled enough to do it. So, I actually thank Mr. Blakeney for helping me to remind me of why I do it. 2009 is gonna be huge, I can feel it! In other words: “my horn can pierce the sky!”
LMFAO Gets Groupies!
January/10/2009 12:13 PM Filed in: Random
I’ve been away from the court for the better part of the last month, but it clearly led me to really enjoy myself. I basically had a winter vacation for the first time since I was a high school freshman. One of my first orders of business was to get out and party with my boys, because I never get to do that outside of a couple summer months.
I was loungin at Clay’s apartment, trying to figure out our plans for the night, when we were told that LMFAO would be performing at one of my favorite spots, FLUID Ultralounge. We looked up LMFAO on MySpace music to see if we knew any of their songs and, sure enough, I had heard a couple of them before. I really like their song called “I am not a whore.” Thats some quality electronic hip hop right there. They also sing “I’m in Miami, bitch.”
So we cabbed it over to Fluid later that night to catch the performance and to get our dance party on.
When we got there I realized that the crowd was about 70% women and that they were dressed like it was a sexy halloween party:
Maybe that should have been an indicator of the extreme groupie-ism that was about to transpire, but I just considered it to be a good ratio. Then the group started performing and every woman in there went buck-wild.
I just don’t understand why the girls go crazy like that? They had a fat guy walk around the club and invite girls backstage for little rendezvous all night. They pulled their pants down and grinded on hella women. They pulled tops down and signed bare boobies. They made out with half the women WHILE PERFORMING. The funniest part is that their song is called “I AM NOT A WHORE!”
Look at Exhibit A above. Girl on right has the two handed wrap-hug/smile-for-the-camera pose going on. Girl on left has completely neglected the camera, because she has floppy tongue in her mouth. She completely ignores the fact that this picture is on NapkinNights.com and can be seen by the entire world. Afro-headed LMFAO member in the middle has his pants down, Carolina blue tight boxers, his tongue out, his sunglass lenses in the garbage and his eyes closed. I swear this photo was taken while he was on stage performing.
In the spirit of not hating, I think this is a signal that I need to hold special live performances for “Boom Got Them Three.” If LMFAO is any indication of how these small concerts go, I should be pants down, tongue out, eyes closed be the start of my second verse.
I was loungin at Clay’s apartment, trying to figure out our plans for the night, when we were told that LMFAO would be performing at one of my favorite spots, FLUID Ultralounge. We looked up LMFAO on MySpace music to see if we knew any of their songs and, sure enough, I had heard a couple of them before. I really like their song called “I am not a whore.” Thats some quality electronic hip hop right there. They also sing “I’m in Miami, bitch.”
So we cabbed it over to Fluid later that night to catch the performance and to get our dance party on.
When we got there I realized that the crowd was about 70% women and that they were dressed like it was a sexy halloween party:
Maybe that should have been an indicator of the extreme groupie-ism that was about to transpire, but I just considered it to be a good ratio. Then the group started performing and every woman in there went buck-wild.
I just don’t understand why the girls go crazy like that? They had a fat guy walk around the club and invite girls backstage for little rendezvous all night. They pulled their pants down and grinded on hella women. They pulled tops down and signed bare boobies. They made out with half the women WHILE PERFORMING. The funniest part is that their song is called “I AM NOT A WHORE!”
Look at Exhibit A above. Girl on right has the two handed wrap-hug/smile-for-the-camera pose going on. Girl on left has completely neglected the camera, because she has floppy tongue in her mouth. She completely ignores the fact that this picture is on NapkinNights.com and can be seen by the entire world. Afro-headed LMFAO member in the middle has his pants down, Carolina blue tight boxers, his tongue out, his sunglass lenses in the garbage and his eyes closed. I swear this photo was taken while he was on stage performing.
In the spirit of not hating, I think this is a signal that I need to hold special live performances for “Boom Got Them Three.” If LMFAO is any indication of how these small concerts go, I should be pants down, tongue out, eyes closed be the start of my second verse.
My Horn Can Pierce the Sky!
December/12/2008 11:58 AM Filed in: France!
This is my exit poem. Yes I left France. This poem probably accurate describes no part of it haha.
My Horn Can Pierce the Sky!
There’s a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There’s a hole in the wall
Where you can see it all
Just kidding, kind of, I didn’t see
The hole in the wall was too short for me
But I didn’t come here for the trouble
I came to get the double doubles
Alas, that chance for me never came
I sat on the bench the entire game!
The reason? No reason, just haterism
So I partook in some grand tourism
Barcelona and Florence, I saw it all
But I would have preferred to see the ball
Think of me just like you would Vinny Chase
On the set of Smoke Jumpers, such a disgrace
But While I was there I got a lot done
I ate fois gros and drank wine with my man Julian
I dominated the Nancy Mario Kart Circuit
And saw TJ Parker get a $22K haircut
I brought all the hype and none of the drama
And I screwed Sarah Palin -- by voting OBAMA
So now I must go to another place
I’ll do like the Joker and put a smile on your face
Them hold me down? Id like to see em try
But don’t forget, my horn can pierce the sky!
My Horn Can Pierce the Sky!
There’s a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There’s a hole in the wall
Where you can see it all
Just kidding, kind of, I didn’t see
The hole in the wall was too short for me
But I didn’t come here for the trouble
I came to get the double doubles
Alas, that chance for me never came
I sat on the bench the entire game!
The reason? No reason, just haterism
So I partook in some grand tourism
Barcelona and Florence, I saw it all
But I would have preferred to see the ball
Think of me just like you would Vinny Chase
On the set of Smoke Jumpers, such a disgrace
But While I was there I got a lot done
I ate fois gros and drank wine with my man Julian
I dominated the Nancy Mario Kart Circuit
And saw TJ Parker get a $22K haircut
I brought all the hype and none of the drama
And I screwed Sarah Palin -- by voting OBAMA
So now I must go to another place
I’ll do like the Joker and put a smile on your face
Them hold me down? Id like to see em try
But don’t forget, my horn can pierce the sky!
You want more than Too Much?
December/10/2008 03:03 PM Filed in: Random
First, go to www.twitter.com/boomtho.
Then, enjoy, or become a follower for instant updates.
That is all.
P.S. I update it a lot because it’s just one sentence.
Then, enjoy, or become a follower for instant updates.
That is all.
P.S. I update it a lot because it’s just one sentence.
A Blackberry, Paris, a Train, a Taxi, and a Faulty Card That Nearly Led to my Demise.
December/08/2008 02:53 PM Filed in: France!
Before you hear this story, you need to understand that I bought a Blackberry Storm here in France about a week ago. I got it here so that I could use my ATT card in it and get 3G speeds. It has been a bit of a process to get it unlocked though and, after searching all week, I discovered a place in Paris that could unlock it effortlessly. Today I had a day off and attempted to get this done. This is my story. Check it out...
Stalker Update or Why I Can't be Facebook Friends with French People Anymore
December/08/2008 02:28 PM Filed in: France!
So, first of all, the stalker is running around telling people that we talk all the time. Still! From what I was told, she has been chatting with “me” on MSN messenger, even after I made it clear to her and every other person of interest that I DO NOT use MSN messenger. I took her OFF my Facebook friends and told her to check herself.
Well, apparently that didn’t work because she has also told people that I asked her to meet me in Barcelona and I that I waved to her in the stands because she REALLY WENT DOWN TO BARCA FOR THE GAME!
Besides just her, I’ve been told that the French fans take pictures from my Facebook profile and paste them into various other sites. Sometimes with negative comments, sometimes without, but always party pictures or pictures from my day off. Maybe my days of putting up photo’s should come to an end anyway, or maybe I should finally stop adding anybody who wants to be my friend. JGant has been monitoring his FB pics for a long time now because his job checks it. I guess, as a professional, it’s time I did the same.
What do you think?
Well, apparently that didn’t work because she has also told people that I asked her to meet me in Barcelona and I that I waved to her in the stands because she REALLY WENT DOWN TO BARCA FOR THE GAME!
Besides just her, I’ve been told that the French fans take pictures from my Facebook profile and paste them into various other sites. Sometimes with negative comments, sometimes without, but always party pictures or pictures from my day off. Maybe my days of putting up photo’s should come to an end anyway, or maybe I should finally stop adding anybody who wants to be my friend. JGant has been monitoring his FB pics for a long time now because his job checks it. I guess, as a professional, it’s time I did the same.
What do you think?
It's So Cold!
December/08/2008 02:26 PM Filed in: Random
I Have a Real Life Stalker (Finally)
November/14/2008 10:09 AM Filed in: France!
---the names have been changed to protect myself---
During my second week here in France (early September), I logged onto Facebook and did my normal add-friends-poke-back-wall-post deal as usual. Unlike MySpace, I never really check who I’m adding, I just do. The ‘book is just not as crazy as MySpace so I don’t find the need for background checks.
Well, maybe that time has come, because just when I thought Mark Zuckerberg had made it safe to Facebook, I got a message from “Julie” on Facebook messenger:
“Welcome to Nancy! I am excited that you are here.”
“Thanks,” I answered.
“I am friends with your teammate. I saw your practice today.”
“Have I met you before?” I asked.
“No. Just saying hi,” she replied.Check it out...
During my second week here in France (early September), I logged onto Facebook and did my normal add-friends-poke-back-wall-post deal as usual. Unlike MySpace, I never really check who I’m adding, I just do. The ‘book is just not as crazy as MySpace so I don’t find the need for background checks.
Well, maybe that time has come, because just when I thought Mark Zuckerberg had made it safe to Facebook, I got a message from “Julie” on Facebook messenger:
“Welcome to Nancy! I am excited that you are here.”
“Thanks,” I answered.
“I am friends with your teammate. I saw your practice today.”
“Have I met you before?” I asked.
“No. Just saying hi,” she replied.Check it out...
Bill Adler Photoshoot
November/02/2008 04:26 PM Filed in: Random
Before I left the U.S., I travelled up to Eugene, Oregon to help my buddy Sam out. He works for Bill Adler Leather, and they make high fashion belts that are sold in trendy boutiques all over.
Anyway, his Idea was to have belts be used in interesting/funny/fantastic ways. There’s not much of a story here, but i think the photo’s are funny. The first few are the ones that were actually used, after that are the ones I just think are awesome. You may recognize many of them from Boom Got Them 3.Check it out...
Anyway, his Idea was to have belts be used in interesting/funny/fantastic ways. There’s not much of a story here, but i think the photo’s are funny. The first few are the ones that were actually used, after that are the ones I just think are awesome. You may recognize many of them from Boom Got Them 3.Check it out...