BTGOM
BTGOM: July
July/31/2008 11:06 AM
So I have recieved yet another self nomination for BTGOM. She actually sent messages to both my MySpace and Facebook, which under different circumstances, might qualify her for a slot in “Funny MySpace Messages” (look for a new installment soon). Instead, I was intorduced to a smart, motivated, woman with a high degree of boom-tho-ness and an even higher degree of proactivity. Oh yea, and she’s easy on the eyes. Verrry easy.
I’ll just tell you what she told me and you can read why I felt comfortable naming her BTGOM: July:
“Hey Rod,
I'm sure you get flooded with all kinds of crazy messages (actually, I know you do because I'm a loyal reader of your hilarious blog), but I figured I'd take a shot in the dark and contact you.
My name is Jordan, I'm 21, I go to Syracuse University, I like long walks on the beach and bubble baths, yadda yadda yadda... Point of this message: I am an intern with MTV News this summer (the hip hop department), and it's been the most incredible experience ever. I've met some pretty amazing people, and gained some amazing insight to this crazy industry that I hope to one day enter.
ANYWAYS... There's an opportunity that's been presented to all interns to promote this year's VMA's. The grand prize is to report live from the red carpet. Clearly I want to be on that damn carpet, haha. They want us to come up with creative and fun ways to promote the VMA's, and I know you're extremely creative and fun (based on what I've seen/read).
I guess I'm nominating myself for Boom Girl?! I'm going to start a YouTube channel and release exclusive info about the VMA's on them, and the more hits the better. If in any way you could lend your services and provide your fans access to me, I would be forever grateful! Hell, if I end up on that red carpet, I'll take you as my date! I realize how busy you are, so no hard feelings if you can't do anything, but it was worth a try, right?
Anyways, thanks for being so funny, love your blog and have gotten all my friends addicted now too. :)
With all the boom tho i can muster,
Jordan
Here are some of my articles, just so you know I'm for real :)
http://newsroom.mtv.com/20
08/06/23/ice-t-vs-soulja-b
oy-tellem-video-blog-beef-
heats-up-kanye-weighs-in/
http://newsroom.mtv.com/20
08/06/25/ne-yo-says-his-a-
milli-freestyle-is-not-aim
ed-at-chris-brown/
http://www.mtv.com/news/ar
ticles/1590795/20080711/yu
ng_berg.jhtml?rsspartner=r
ssColdFusion
“
SO at the end of the day, I can help a hot girl help herself on her way to her goals. If only there was a way she could get me a contract, then we’d truly be even. Although, if she does win the right to host the VMA’s, and she actually did ttake me as her date, it would be the biggest victory that Boom Tho has had to this point. Let’s make it happen!
So, withouy further adieu, I introduce the BTGOM for July 2008, Jordan Upmalis:
Go ahead and google her, add her on facebook, or myspace, do whatever it takes to get her, ahem, and me, to the VMA’s! Boom!
I’ll just tell you what she told me and you can read why I felt comfortable naming her BTGOM: July:
“Hey Rod,
I'm sure you get flooded with all kinds of crazy messages (actually, I know you do because I'm a loyal reader of your hilarious blog), but I figured I'd take a shot in the dark and contact you.
My name is Jordan, I'm 21, I go to Syracuse University, I like long walks on the beach and bubble baths, yadda yadda yadda... Point of this message: I am an intern with MTV News this summer (the hip hop department), and it's been the most incredible experience ever. I've met some pretty amazing people, and gained some amazing insight to this crazy industry that I hope to one day enter.
ANYWAYS... There's an opportunity that's been presented to all interns to promote this year's VMA's. The grand prize is to report live from the red carpet. Clearly I want to be on that damn carpet, haha. They want us to come up with creative and fun ways to promote the VMA's, and I know you're extremely creative and fun (based on what I've seen/read).
I guess I'm nominating myself for Boom Girl?! I'm going to start a YouTube channel and release exclusive info about the VMA's on them, and the more hits the better. If in any way you could lend your services and provide your fans access to me, I would be forever grateful! Hell, if I end up on that red carpet, I'll take you as my date! I realize how busy you are, so no hard feelings if you can't do anything, but it was worth a try, right?
Anyways, thanks for being so funny, love your blog and have gotten all my friends addicted now too. :)
With all the boom tho i can muster,
Jordan
Here are some of my articles, just so you know I'm for real :)
http://newsroom.mtv.com/20
08/06/23/ice-t-vs-soulja-b
oy-tellem-video-blog-beef-
heats-up-kanye-weighs-in/
http://newsroom.mtv.com/20
08/06/25/ne-yo-says-his-a-
milli-freestyle-is-not-aim
ed-at-chris-brown/
http://www.mtv.com/news/ar
ticles/1590795/20080711/yu
ng_berg.jhtml?rsspartner=r
ssColdFusion
“
SO at the end of the day, I can help a hot girl help herself on her way to her goals. If only there was a way she could get me a contract, then we’d truly be even. Although, if she does win the right to host the VMA’s, and she actually did ttake me as her date, it would be the biggest victory that Boom Tho has had to this point. Let’s make it happen!
So, withouy further adieu, I introduce the BTGOM for July 2008, Jordan Upmalis:
Go ahead and google her, add her on facebook, or myspace, do whatever it takes to get her, ahem, and me, to the VMA’s! Boom!
|
BTGOM: May (Yes, I know it's July right now)
July/03/2008 10:04 AM
This was meant to go up long ago, but that doesn’t mean that this month’s BTGOM is any less important than the past winners of the prestigious award. This month is particularly special actually, because I decided to include an honorable mention. It’s also special because both of the following Boom Tho Girls EARNED their spot.
In true pageant form, I’ll first list the honorable mention BTGOM. This girl earned her spot not because she is a model or a celebrity. It wasn’t because people emailed me about her. It wasn’t because she was discovered at a Des Moines, Iowa bar (been to many) like a diamond in the rough. This girl is an honorable mention BTGOM strictly due to the fact that she wanted to be and because she was persistent and witty in her pursuit of the title.
I hold a vote with the other Boom Tho Originators each month to determine the validity of the BTGOM’s and this vote placed her second. I felt that she still had to be mentioned because the people need to know just how she campaigned for her spot. It all started with this email:
“Before I begin my campaign for BTGOTM (what a long acronym), let me say I recognize that I’m not some sexy beltway diva, nor am I a lovable NBC star, nor have I ever been in an ad for deoderant. Your GOTMs so far have been from the upper echelons of sexy-society—the lucky Boom Tho ladies have glamour shots and full Google Image portfolios to match. Some Boom Tho haters might even argue that these ladies are unattainable for a NB(DL)A star like yourself (For the record, I completely disagree—sky’s the limit!)
As your stat sheet has filled, your blog roll expanded and your hit counter skyrocketed like the Tech-Bubble Dow Jones, your audience has grown and changed. We are a diverse bunch who giggle when you clown on fellow NBA bloggers and love the inflection on Boom GOT them Tho! We enjoy both the simple pleasures of MySpace message exposés and the high-brow discussions about Pistol Pete. We have both your TMRB and NBA Experts Blog on our Google Reader RSS feed because we’re incredibly technologically sophisticated.
What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s time the BTGOTM went out to a ‘normal’ reader. However, when I say normal, I mean in the same way that Surf Ninja’s was a ‘normal’ 90’s movie. I am a New York native, now in my third year studying at Harvard. I have red hair and playful freckles. I laugh out loud to your postings in the library while studying for exams, I say Boom got them DOS with decent regularity, and my Boom Tho! Shirt is already in the mail. Just like your blog, I stay simultaneously extremely educated, incredibly comical and super classy.
Boom Tho.
Sarah Sherman”
Who the hell is Sarah Sherman? I began to wonder that to myself, among other things. She got immediate points for mentioning “Surf Ninja’s,” which was a move I would have pulled. Not to mention that Ton Loc was somehow cast in a movie about a family of surfers who know Karate.
I forwarded the email to my other Boom Tho Originators. Here are some of the immediate responses:
“Impressive argument. But this girl has red hair, freckles and with a name like Sarah Sherman is DEFINITELY Jewish. Being a member of the tribe myself, and having seen my fair share of redheaded, freckled Jewish women, I will pay your cover at any club the next time you come out here if she's actually cute. Plus she sounds way to smart to be cute.” -- Alex
“wow this chick is on it pretty tough...(maybe that's what harvard does to you?), but I think its a good idea to have users as the boom tho girl of the month, we've talked about this before.....” -- Clay
Alex was right. Nobody that smart could be attractive, right? Her words were already making her attractive and thus making us all believe that it was too good to be true. I emailed her back asking for pictures. Gotta have pictures for a BTGOM. She sent me this email and the following pictures:
“Rod,
I must extend my deepest apologies. My absence from world wide web contact has been a result of two things. First, crazy school ish has picked up around here and I have been struggling to tread water in a sea of response papers and exams. I've kept my head high, my dixon-ticonderogas (an exceptional pencil) impeccably sharpened and my Macbook on permanent 'charged' status--i'm in the clear now for a few weeks until finals. Second, and more gut-wrenching, Mike Mongtomery?!?? While Braun's firing was reasonable, hiring Benedict Arnold was a bold move that I have yet to come to terms with. Not since Shareef went one-and-done on us have I been this worried about Bears basketball.
As for the photos--i'm here to flood your inbox like it's a flickr account. Here's three shots, each with its own fun and flirty style. While an A-list BTGOTMer would roll with A-list celebs, the more 'average' BTGOTMs out there kick it incredibly C-list (Read: Leilene from Flavor of Love.. Ohhh yeaaah).
I must admit, I was a bit hurt when I saw you opened up the competition to the whole internet via your blogosphere casting call, but I think this one's in the back of the net for me.
Boom got them DOS.
Sarah.”
I couldnt be mad at that. She definitely is cute. If I met her at a Bar, I would make a play. She got my vote to be a BTGOM, but she just couldn’t beat out this months winner. She did send me another email couple weeks ago that I forwarded to the homies as well:
“so i wore my "boom tho shirt" out last night.
the crowds went wild.
i may or may not be the illest chick on campus.”
Alex replied:
“This chick is funny.”
Clay said:
“can we get a pic at least with her wearing the shirt? how bout she spreads the boomthodome to the harvard campus...haven't seen too many orders come down from beantown. “
Now, for THE May BTGOM. She earned her spot as well, but in a different way. I’ve known her for years, and she has always hyped the movement. So much so, that she actually created the very first boom tho shirt:
Yep, that was her creation. Her boom-tho-ness is high, but her accolades are even higher. She was the Gatorade High School Volleyball National Player of the Year, an All American at the University of Arizona, and a current member of USA Volleyball which is currently training for the Beijing Olympics. She just signed a three year deal with Under Armour and has other modeling ventures.
Even being as big time as she is, she still prefers to rock a Boom Tho shirt on the weekends (dresses and heels at night). So here is the May BTGOM, Kimberly Glass:
Oh yea, and she’s 6’2” tall!
Boom.
In true pageant form, I’ll first list the honorable mention BTGOM. This girl earned her spot not because she is a model or a celebrity. It wasn’t because people emailed me about her. It wasn’t because she was discovered at a Des Moines, Iowa bar (been to many) like a diamond in the rough. This girl is an honorable mention BTGOM strictly due to the fact that she wanted to be and because she was persistent and witty in her pursuit of the title.
I hold a vote with the other Boom Tho Originators each month to determine the validity of the BTGOM’s and this vote placed her second. I felt that she still had to be mentioned because the people need to know just how she campaigned for her spot. It all started with this email:
“Before I begin my campaign for BTGOTM (what a long acronym), let me say I recognize that I’m not some sexy beltway diva, nor am I a lovable NBC star, nor have I ever been in an ad for deoderant. Your GOTMs so far have been from the upper echelons of sexy-society—the lucky Boom Tho ladies have glamour shots and full Google Image portfolios to match. Some Boom Tho haters might even argue that these ladies are unattainable for a NB(DL)A star like yourself (For the record, I completely disagree—sky’s the limit!)
As your stat sheet has filled, your blog roll expanded and your hit counter skyrocketed like the Tech-Bubble Dow Jones, your audience has grown and changed. We are a diverse bunch who giggle when you clown on fellow NBA bloggers and love the inflection on Boom GOT them Tho! We enjoy both the simple pleasures of MySpace message exposés and the high-brow discussions about Pistol Pete. We have both your TMRB and NBA Experts Blog on our Google Reader RSS feed because we’re incredibly technologically sophisticated.
What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s time the BTGOTM went out to a ‘normal’ reader. However, when I say normal, I mean in the same way that Surf Ninja’s was a ‘normal’ 90’s movie. I am a New York native, now in my third year studying at Harvard. I have red hair and playful freckles. I laugh out loud to your postings in the library while studying for exams, I say Boom got them DOS with decent regularity, and my Boom Tho! Shirt is already in the mail. Just like your blog, I stay simultaneously extremely educated, incredibly comical and super classy.
Boom Tho.
Sarah Sherman”
Who the hell is Sarah Sherman? I began to wonder that to myself, among other things. She got immediate points for mentioning “Surf Ninja’s,” which was a move I would have pulled. Not to mention that Ton Loc was somehow cast in a movie about a family of surfers who know Karate.
I forwarded the email to my other Boom Tho Originators. Here are some of the immediate responses:
“Impressive argument. But this girl has red hair, freckles and with a name like Sarah Sherman is DEFINITELY Jewish. Being a member of the tribe myself, and having seen my fair share of redheaded, freckled Jewish women, I will pay your cover at any club the next time you come out here if she's actually cute. Plus she sounds way to smart to be cute.” -- Alex
“wow this chick is on it pretty tough...(maybe that's what harvard does to you?), but I think its a good idea to have users as the boom tho girl of the month, we've talked about this before.....” -- Clay
Alex was right. Nobody that smart could be attractive, right? Her words were already making her attractive and thus making us all believe that it was too good to be true. I emailed her back asking for pictures. Gotta have pictures for a BTGOM. She sent me this email and the following pictures:
“Rod,
I must extend my deepest apologies. My absence from world wide web contact has been a result of two things. First, crazy school ish has picked up around here and I have been struggling to tread water in a sea of response papers and exams. I've kept my head high, my dixon-ticonderogas (an exceptional pencil) impeccably sharpened and my Macbook on permanent 'charged' status--i'm in the clear now for a few weeks until finals. Second, and more gut-wrenching, Mike Mongtomery?!?? While Braun's firing was reasonable, hiring Benedict Arnold was a bold move that I have yet to come to terms with. Not since Shareef went one-and-done on us have I been this worried about Bears basketball.
As for the photos--i'm here to flood your inbox like it's a flickr account. Here's three shots, each with its own fun and flirty style. While an A-list BTGOTMer would roll with A-list celebs, the more 'average' BTGOTMs out there kick it incredibly C-list (Read: Leilene from Flavor of Love.. Ohhh yeaaah).
I must admit, I was a bit hurt when I saw you opened up the competition to the whole internet via your blogosphere casting call, but I think this one's in the back of the net for me.
Boom got them DOS.
Sarah.”
I couldnt be mad at that. She definitely is cute. If I met her at a Bar, I would make a play. She got my vote to be a BTGOM, but she just couldn’t beat out this months winner. She did send me another email couple weeks ago that I forwarded to the homies as well:
“so i wore my "boom tho shirt" out last night.
the crowds went wild.
i may or may not be the illest chick on campus.”
Alex replied:
“This chick is funny.”
Clay said:
“can we get a pic at least with her wearing the shirt? how bout she spreads the boomthodome to the harvard campus...haven't seen too many orders come down from beantown. “
Now, for THE May BTGOM. She earned her spot as well, but in a different way. I’ve known her for years, and she has always hyped the movement. So much so, that she actually created the very first boom tho shirt:
Yep, that was her creation. Her boom-tho-ness is high, but her accolades are even higher. She was the Gatorade High School Volleyball National Player of the Year, an All American at the University of Arizona, and a current member of USA Volleyball which is currently training for the Beijing Olympics. She just signed a three year deal with Under Armour and has other modeling ventures.
Even being as big time as she is, she still prefers to rock a Boom Tho shirt on the weekends (dresses and heels at night). So here is the May BTGOM, Kimberly Glass:
Oh yea, and she’s 6’2” tall!
Boom.
BTGOM: April
April/24/2008 03:43 PM
I asked, you answered. I wanted to know who the next BTGOM should be, and I got the same answer many times. I was apprehensive about accepting this particular suggestion because I remember reading something about her last year. I read that she really doesn't want all the attention that she's been getting. I read that as a high schooler, she was basically being stalked and that there were pictures and discussions and websites all chronicling her every move. Maybe it was warranted, but it was unwanted.
Well, in a way, this is one of those same attention creating, "let's all gawk at the hot girl" things that she has resented for so long. In another way, however, this is very different. This is the Boom Tho Girl of the Month. This is about recognizing someone out there who I think is ready like spaghetti, someone who is in there like swimwear, and someone who could help promote the movement through looks, yes, but also through being all around cool, smart, and progressive.
That being said, I now feel comfortable naming Allison Stokke the BTGOM for April 2008. Some of the emails called this too perfect. Maybe it is. An athlete from my school who looks like that? I guess it was just meant to be. Maybe I'll go into HAAS this summer to get my ankles taped by Barry Parsons, AKA the best trainer in the history of training, and I'll see her in there. She probably won't know who I am, but Barry and I will look at each other and understand the Boom-Tho-Ness of the situation.
If you read this, Allison, understand that I recognize the way you literally raise the bar for the Cal track team and figuratively raise the bar for all Cal women who, although some of the most intelligent women in the country, are not renowned for their looks. I can envision you dancing at a FIJI (Cal Frat) party, absolutely framed like a diamond in the rough. I emerge through the front door with my crew of Boom Tho t-shirt wearing hooligans, get you a drink and we get next on the Beirut table (beer pong to those who don't really know). Ask Mohammed (Cal student services blah blah slash athlete favorite) about me, he'll tell you what's up!
That is what I missed out on during my four years. Oh well. Still, Mo, do it.
Well, in a way, this is one of those same attention creating, "let's all gawk at the hot girl" things that she has resented for so long. In another way, however, this is very different. This is the Boom Tho Girl of the Month. This is about recognizing someone out there who I think is ready like spaghetti, someone who is in there like swimwear, and someone who could help promote the movement through looks, yes, but also through being all around cool, smart, and progressive.
That being said, I now feel comfortable naming Allison Stokke the BTGOM for April 2008. Some of the emails called this too perfect. Maybe it is. An athlete from my school who looks like that? I guess it was just meant to be. Maybe I'll go into HAAS this summer to get my ankles taped by Barry Parsons, AKA the best trainer in the history of training, and I'll see her in there. She probably won't know who I am, but Barry and I will look at each other and understand the Boom-Tho-Ness of the situation.
If you read this, Allison, understand that I recognize the way you literally raise the bar for the Cal track team and figuratively raise the bar for all Cal women who, although some of the most intelligent women in the country, are not renowned for their looks. I can envision you dancing at a FIJI (Cal Frat) party, absolutely framed like a diamond in the rough. I emerge through the front door with my crew of Boom Tho t-shirt wearing hooligans, get you a drink and we get next on the Beirut table (beer pong to those who don't really know). Ask Mohammed (Cal student services blah blah slash athlete favorite) about me, he'll tell you what's up!
That is what I missed out on during my four years. Oh well. Still, Mo, do it.
BTGOM: March
April/02/2008 03:25 PM
I've been really drained lately. I guess thats how it goes at the end of the season. I'm just very mentally drained right now, as a result, I've been slackin on my BTGOM's. This won't happen again. My apologies.
Anyways, it's late, but so what? I know who gets the title for March, 2008. I've actually been tracking this girl for a year now. Tracking would appear to be a sophisticated way to say stalking, but I wont say it's the same thing. I just happened to take notice early and I have yet to stop noticing.
Let me ask you something. What are the last car brands you consider buying? Let's pretend that you had $40,000 to spend on a new whip, I'm sure your first thought wouldn't be Saturn. If you're younger than 77 years old, it wouldn't be Buick. For me, one of those brands used to be Mercury. i just always considered Mercury to be a bootleg Ford. I don't like Ford, so why would I like Mercury? I now have a reason: Jill Wagner.
I'm not sure exactly when Jill started doing these commercials, but I know I'm not the only person who takes notice. I feel like the whole Boom Tho Movement should be taking notice. Her MySpace profile says that she is single and living in L.A. that's funny, because I too am single and will be in L.A. this summer. It almost worked with Julia Allison I feel like it should just be a thing we do from now on. I already sent her a message. Let's see what develops.
Before I conclude, I want to take this thing to the next level. I want people to submit potential Boom Tho girls to me via e-mail for the next week or two. They don't have to be celebrities, but Boom Tho worthy as you see it. After I get a good amount of submissions, I'll put up a thing so people can vote for the next girl. That's the way it should be. Interactivity is real hot right now. Hollar.
Anyways, it's late, but so what? I know who gets the title for March, 2008. I've actually been tracking this girl for a year now. Tracking would appear to be a sophisticated way to say stalking, but I wont say it's the same thing. I just happened to take notice early and I have yet to stop noticing.
Let me ask you something. What are the last car brands you consider buying? Let's pretend that you had $40,000 to spend on a new whip, I'm sure your first thought wouldn't be Saturn. If you're younger than 77 years old, it wouldn't be Buick. For me, one of those brands used to be Mercury. i just always considered Mercury to be a bootleg Ford. I don't like Ford, so why would I like Mercury? I now have a reason: Jill Wagner.
I'm not sure exactly when Jill started doing these commercials, but I know I'm not the only person who takes notice. I feel like the whole Boom Tho Movement should be taking notice. Her MySpace profile says that she is single and living in L.A. that's funny, because I too am single and will be in L.A. this summer. It almost worked with Julia Allison I feel like it should just be a thing we do from now on. I already sent her a message. Let's see what develops.
Before I conclude, I want to take this thing to the next level. I want people to submit potential Boom Tho girls to me via e-mail for the next week or two. They don't have to be celebrities, but Boom Tho worthy as you see it. After I get a good amount of submissions, I'll put up a thing so people can vote for the next girl. That's the way it should be. Interactivity is real hot right now. Hollar.
Boom Tho Girl of the Month: February
February/21/2008 03:11 PM
Due to busyness on my end, I'm a little late on the new Boom Tho Girl of the month. I had planned to coordinate the "Boom Tho Girl" video with the Feb. GOTM (Girl of the Month), but sadly, I have been overwhelmed with All-Star stuff and Yahoo!
Anyways, first things first. Thanks to everyone who emailed Julia Allison my behalf. To be honest, I emailed her on my behalf as well. Somewhat surprisingly, she responded to me. Wanna know what she said? Good, I thought so:
Hi Rod!!
You're a bundle of joy. Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I
will put
it in my official biography, for sure.
A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually - with really
positive
comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all
night
working and am more than a little loopy!!
Anyway, I think you're fabulous!
Xo
julia
Let's take a moment to analyze what just happened here. I'll go sentence by sentence.
"You're a bundle of joy" -- She is already calling me her baby. Good sign.
"Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put it in my official biography for sure
" -- She wants to let our love unfurl.
"A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually -- with really positive comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
" -- Peer pressure got to her, it would seem.
"God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all night working and am more than a little loopy!!" -- She has been uncontrollably winking and smiling all night because of me.
"Anyway, I think you're fabulous!" -- She thinks I would be the perfect father for her children, obviously.
Now that that's done, it's time to introduce the new Boom Tho GOTM. I guess I'll start with a story about her because I actually know this one, or knew her back in the day.
When I was in high school, I wasn't very big time at all. I was actually a ridiculously late bloomer as evidenced here in this very good retelling of my high school days. I always had a kind of attitude that allowed me to lie to myself and think that I was something more than I was, and that helped me to where I am now. I never settled for what I was supposed to settle for.
That being said, girls weren't exactly a different story. I could have maybe gotten with some of the riff raff (you know what I mean), but I always aspired to get with the girls that were way out of my league. Well, like Seth in "Superbad", I was fatefully partnered with a certain girl for autoshop class. She was easily one of the best looking girls out of the 3200 students at Torrey Pines High and for some reason she was partnered with me.
Needless to say I was happy to be have an opportunity to show my charisma and charm on a daily basis. We changed oil and rotated tires. We laughed about how useless most of the work was and preferred to do most our assignments on her BMW rather than on my 88 Cadillac Coupe DeVille.
I felt like we were flirtatious enough at the time for me to possibly turn a corner. You gotta understand that a facebook poke didn't exist back then, so I was gonna have to do something else if I wanted to get her to go to prom with "just enough Rod Benson". I, being the computer nerd I was (this was before computer nerds were fashionable), made a "Will you go to prom with me?" website that I was going to show her during lunch. I knew she'd say yes because I was the man.
Well, I walked her into the library where the computers were, but before we reached the computer area, the second bell rang. The second bell meant get your ass to class or else.
"What were you going to show me anyway?" she asked me.
"I'll show you later, don't worry," I responded.
Lunch ended, class began, and dreams were shattered. Right after school she was asked by somebody else. That same day I was so close, but ousted by the second lunch bell.
We continued our flirtatious ways during class and when we graduated, we agreed to meet up in LA when I played UCLA. She said she was gonna go up there to be a model. Three weeks after graduation her phone number changed and we didn't speak again.
Two years later, I was watching TV and this commercial came on:
I kept telling people things like "I used to change her oil, if you know what I mean," I don't think they even believed it in the literal way I meant it. I guess she ended up being pretty big time doing whatever it was she was doing.
So, since it's my site and I can do whatever I want with whatever I want, I've decided that she will be the second Boom Tho GOTM. Her name is Callie Garrison, and a long time ago I rotated her tires, if you know what I mean. Like I took the tires off her car and put them back on is what I mean. Now she has a boyfriend and all that, so she's not exactly ready like spaghetti. Still, she's the Old Spice girl and I'm the leader of the Boom Tho movement. Guess, I'm still a computer nerd, but it's fashionable now.
Anyways, first things first. Thanks to everyone who emailed Julia Allison my behalf. To be honest, I emailed her on my behalf as well. Somewhat surprisingly, she responded to me. Wanna know what she said? Good, I thought so:
Hi Rod!!
You're a bundle of joy. Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put
it in my official biography, for sure.
A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually - with really
positive
comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all
night
working and am more than a little loopy!!
Anyway, I think you're fabulous!
Xo
julia
Let's take a moment to analyze what just happened here. I'll go sentence by sentence.
"You're a bundle of joy" -- She is already calling me her baby. Good sign.
"Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put it in my official biography for sure" -- She wants to let our love unfurl. "A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually -- with really positive comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
" -- Peer pressure got to her, it would seem. "God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all night working and am more than a little loopy!!" -- She has been uncontrollably winking and smiling all night because of me.
"Anyway, I think you're fabulous!" -- She thinks I would be the perfect father for her children, obviously.
Now that that's done, it's time to introduce the new Boom Tho GOTM. I guess I'll start with a story about her because I actually know this one, or knew her back in the day.
When I was in high school, I wasn't very big time at all. I was actually a ridiculously late bloomer as evidenced here in this very good retelling of my high school days. I always had a kind of attitude that allowed me to lie to myself and think that I was something more than I was, and that helped me to where I am now. I never settled for what I was supposed to settle for.
That being said, girls weren't exactly a different story. I could have maybe gotten with some of the riff raff (you know what I mean), but I always aspired to get with the girls that were way out of my league. Well, like Seth in "Superbad", I was fatefully partnered with a certain girl for autoshop class. She was easily one of the best looking girls out of the 3200 students at Torrey Pines High and for some reason she was partnered with me.
Needless to say I was happy to be have an opportunity to show my charisma and charm on a daily basis. We changed oil and rotated tires. We laughed about how useless most of the work was and preferred to do most our assignments on her BMW rather than on my 88 Cadillac Coupe DeVille.
I felt like we were flirtatious enough at the time for me to possibly turn a corner. You gotta understand that a facebook poke didn't exist back then, so I was gonna have to do something else if I wanted to get her to go to prom with "just enough Rod Benson". I, being the computer nerd I was (this was before computer nerds were fashionable), made a "Will you go to prom with me?" website that I was going to show her during lunch. I knew she'd say yes because I was the man.
Well, I walked her into the library where the computers were, but before we reached the computer area, the second bell rang. The second bell meant get your ass to class or else.
"What were you going to show me anyway?" she asked me.
"I'll show you later, don't worry," I responded.
Lunch ended, class began, and dreams were shattered. Right after school she was asked by somebody else. That same day I was so close, but ousted by the second lunch bell.
We continued our flirtatious ways during class and when we graduated, we agreed to meet up in LA when I played UCLA. She said she was gonna go up there to be a model. Three weeks after graduation her phone number changed and we didn't speak again.
Two years later, I was watching TV and this commercial came on:
I kept telling people things like "I used to change her oil, if you know what I mean," I don't think they even believed it in the literal way I meant it. I guess she ended up being pretty big time doing whatever it was she was doing.
So, since it's my site and I can do whatever I want with whatever I want, I've decided that she will be the second Boom Tho GOTM. Her name is Callie Garrison, and a long time ago I rotated her tires, if you know what I mean. Like I took the tires off her car and put them back on is what I mean. Now she has a boyfriend and all that, so she's not exactly ready like spaghetti. Still, she's the Old Spice girl and I'm the leader of the Boom Tho movement. Guess, I'm still a computer nerd, but it's fashionable now.
Boom Tho Girl of the Month
January/11/2008 02:35 PM
Lately I've been thinking about something. Jenna Fischer is a great woman to have as number 4 of the Boom Tho movement, but lets be realistic, she may be just a tad too big time. I mean, let's face it, I can't even get into an L.A. nightclub when I'm TRYING to buy a table. What makes me think I have the social clout to entertain Jenna Fischer?
Well, these thoughts led me to a new idea. I figure that Jenna Fischer is THE Boom Tho girl forever, like the numero uno all the time, but maybe there are other girls out there who are big time, but hopefully not too big time to respond to an email or a myspace message or something. Maybe I can list a girl who may lead a lifestyle that could lead to us meeting up one day. Is that so crazy?
I came to this conclusion one day while I was browsing the Yahoo! home page. I always look at the latest news topics and try to find stories that interest me. On this day there was a relationship article right on the front page. I think it said something about why good looking women get with ugly men. I wondered the same thing. I figured I could click on the article and learn something I didn't know. Well, when I clicked on the article, I noticed immediately who wrote it: Julia Allison. Normally it's guys like this who write these articles, but not this time.
I immediately had to find out who this girl was. Her bio said to check out her blog, JuliaAllison.com so I did. Right then I decided that she needed to be a boom tho girl. The more I found out about her writing, her T.V. correspondent work, and the fact that she dressed up as a Rubik's cube for halloween, I knew that somehow I had to make room for her on TMRB and recognize her for being an all around big time individual.
So, without further adieu, I introduce Julia Allison as the first Boom Tho girl of the month. I figure maybe I'll send her a boom tho shirt or something (oh yea, if you're looking for a shirt, I have been told they will be here in the next week...we'll see) to show how highly she is regarded. I mean, she writes for yahoo, I write for yahoo. She has a blog, I have a blog. She is on T.V., I watch T.V. I feel like this could go somewhere. If only there was like a yahoo office building. Then I could be Jim and she could be Pam and we could be good. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.
Well, these thoughts led me to a new idea. I figure that Jenna Fischer is THE Boom Tho girl forever, like the numero uno all the time, but maybe there are other girls out there who are big time, but hopefully not too big time to respond to an email or a myspace message or something. Maybe I can list a girl who may lead a lifestyle that could lead to us meeting up one day. Is that so crazy?
I came to this conclusion one day while I was browsing the Yahoo! home page. I always look at the latest news topics and try to find stories that interest me. On this day there was a relationship article right on the front page. I think it said something about why good looking women get with ugly men. I wondered the same thing. I figured I could click on the article and learn something I didn't know. Well, when I clicked on the article, I noticed immediately who wrote it: Julia Allison. Normally it's guys like this who write these articles, but not this time.
I immediately had to find out who this girl was. Her bio said to check out her blog, JuliaAllison.com so I did. Right then I decided that she needed to be a boom tho girl. The more I found out about her writing, her T.V. correspondent work, and the fact that she dressed up as a Rubik's cube for halloween, I knew that somehow I had to make room for her on TMRB and recognize her for being an all around big time individual.
So, without further adieu, I introduce Julia Allison as the first Boom Tho girl of the month. I figure maybe I'll send her a boom tho shirt or something (oh yea, if you're looking for a shirt, I have been told they will be here in the next week...we'll see) to show how highly she is regarded. I mean, she writes for yahoo, I write for yahoo. She has a blog, I have a blog. She is on T.V., I watch T.V. I feel like this could go somewhere. If only there was like a yahoo office building. Then I could be Jim and she could be Pam and we could be good. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.