TMRB Feed

Peer Pressure Drinking in France

Rod Benson — 2008-09-12T14:03:13-07:00

I left my crib and headed downtown (it’s like 4 minutes from my spot). There’s one restaurant that serves Italian food that I had already been to before with my teammates. The main server speaks good english, so she understands that I like my steak medium-well and not the usual purple-red bloody meat that is served out here. The owner is also a real nice guy who hands me the remote to the flat screen so I can change the channel. It’s a good thing.

After I left there, I went to a bar to meet my teammate. He never showed up. I ended up sitting there drinking some drink that consists of Stella, Cannes (which I think is sugar), and Absinthe. I had about five of those bad boys while waiting for my teammate to show up.

Finally, I got tired of waiting and I left. On my way back to the house, I walked past a bar that the owner of the Italian restaurant happened to be seated out of of. He was with a big group of people. He called me over and asked that I partake in some drinks with them. Who was I to say no?

One Last Vegas Story (The Best One)

Rod Benson — 2008-09-12T02:45:44-07:00

It was just one of those mornings. I knew that the night before had been spectacular because I woke up in my own bedroom and, for a split second, thought it wasn’t. It was a relief to know that I made it back to my hotel room and that my boys were there too. Well, actually, one of my boys, Elram, was there, the other, JGant, was nowhere to be found.

It was time for me and Elram to recount what happened the night before. I knew the story to a point. We all showed up at JET Nightclub hoping to get in, even though Elram didn’t have an I.D. I knew it’d be a tall order, but he wanted to go to the hottest club that night and not settle for the Palms.

Clearly they wanted no parts of him and his lack of identification, so we had to bounce. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to head back to the Palms, so that if he was denied again, I could just go right to bed. Elram and JGant had other plans. They wanted to stay and wait for this girl to pick them up so they could try to go to the HARD ROCK and sneak in. After a short argument, it was decided that I had to get back to Palms. They stayed and waited for the girl. That is when our nights went down different paths.

Rubber Ducky Escape!

Rod Benson — 2008-08-20T21:39:11-07:00

After our early scrimmage on the Tuesday of Summer League, Joel Bosh (Chris Bosh’s brother), CJ Giles, Elram, and I were looking for something to do for the night since we had a day off the next day. At around 5pm, CJ hit me up and let me know that was going on. He mentioned to me that there was “Rubber Ducky” pool party going on that night and that we should go check out how much a cabana would cost us.

We all went down there to check it out at about 6. There were people all over who were setting up the cabana’s and filling to pool with the signature rubber duckies. We first went over to the pool and grabbed all the rubber duckies we could that were marked “free drink.” We must have left with about 25 free drink duckies, but before we did, our cabana host showed us which cabana would be ours. he set us up with one at the very back of the pool where we would be right next to a bar. Boom. He told us that each bottle would run about $400, but that he could kick us another one under the table for half off. Basically, we would be set. I was excited.

We headed back down to the pool around 9pm and it was already crackin. We went back to our cabana and got the party started. The problem with the situation was that somebody invited these girls into our cabana (nothin wrong with that, usually) who proceeded to destroy our entire $400 bottle and half our ducky supply. Coddamit.

How to Sneak Into Ghostbar (And Get Your Legs Broke!)

Rod Benson — 2008-08-19T20:01:38-07:00

A month ago I wrote a story about how simple and easy it is to sneak into Body English nightclub in Las Vegas. Well, as it turns out, there is another Vegas hotspot that is nearly as easy to sneak into called “Ghostbar” at the Palms.

So while I was in Vegas for the summer league, it became apparent that Ghostbar was the best place to go because I was staying in the Palms and it was located on the top floor of the same tower that I was staying in. Essentially, I could head up there at 9 and be in bed by 11 if I felt like it. It was the perfect spot.

During my two weeks in Vegas one of my fellow Boom Tho Originator’s, Elram, came out to stay with me for a number of days. It was all good except for the fact that Elram isn’t 21 and his fake I.D. was confiscated the first day he got to Vegas. This presented many problems. He had asipirations of partying at all the big clubs, but since I wanted to be in bed early and he didnt have an I.D., we tried to get him into Ghostbar.

JGant was also visiting and I informed them both that I had been let into Ghostbar for free and without being carded before. I felt that it would be easy for them to just get right in. They agreed and Ghostbar became our destination for the night.

When we walked up to the Bouncer, he told the cashier that we should be able to get in free. Excellent. Almost there. Right before we were let in a second bouncer started checking ID’s. I showed mine and kept it moving, JGant also showed his ID and got in. The cashier drew up the reciept with the number 2 on it, signifying that there were two of us who were to be let it. She handed it to me and told me to hand it to the guy at the door. I knew that Elram would get turned back and that JGant would stay back with him.

It was then that I realized how easy it would be to sneak in. See (pay attention here if you ever want to sneak right in), Ghostbar, as I said before, is located on the top floor of the tower with the hotel rooms, but the bouncers who check ID and hand out the receipts, are all downstairs on the lobby level. After the woman hands you the receipt, you walk back to the elevators and press the 55th floor button marked “Ghostbar.” When you get to the top, there is a bouncer waiting there to check your receipt and see how many people are supposed to be with you, because anybodywith a suite has to board that elevator to reach their room.

So, I called JGant and Elram and told them to get on the Elevator with me anyway. The three of us got on with a reciept marked for two. There were other people on the elevator who were also heading to ghostbar, so I kind of had to unveil my plan in front of them, no matter. I explained that JGant and Elram should use the receipt marked “2” and that I would get off on the 52nd floor and go back down. Since they don’t card at the top, Elram should be good. They agreed and went up. I sat on the 52nd floor for a minute before recieving a text from JGant saying that it worked and they were in. I then went back to the lobby and to the bouncer, explaining that I had to go back to my room real quick. The cashier gave me a new reciept with the number 1 on it and I used it to get in. Boom. Just that simple.

Me, Elram, and JGant in Ghostbar.

Now, we did this trick for a few days in a row with perfect execition. On day 3, on our way into the elevator to head up to Ghostbar, one of the gaurds asked Elram what floor he was going to (since the knew he didnt have a receipt. Elram answered confidently “54.” As the door of the elevator closed, you could see the guard reaching for his radio.

When the doors were closed, I yelled out loud in front of the other 12 people in the elevator, “You idiot! Tell me what floors are up here!”

Elram looked at the floor buttons. There was 51, 52, 53, and 55. For some odd reason this hotel doesnt’t have a 54. Dammit, I thought, that was a crucial mistake.

An hour and a half later, we were in Ghostbar just chillin. We were kind of off too the side while Elram was talking to some nice young ladies. Elrams mistake hadn’t proven coastly. We were having a great time. We walked back into the main bar area and Elram handed his drink to Joel Bosh, who was also with us, and said “make sure you drink this. We can’t let it go to waste bro.”

I asked Elram why he just gave up his drink. He responded with “they figured me out. They know I’m not 21.”

I told Elram he was being paranoid. There was no way they could figure that out, and if they somehow had, I could see every bouncer there (power of height), and none of them were looking at Elram and I. I turned around to tell Joel to give Elram back his drink and tell him he was trippin. When I turned back around, four bouncers had grabbed Elram and had already almost whisked him away. I saw Elram look back at me with fear in his eyes as they walked him out of my view.

Joel, respecting what seemed to be Elrams last words, began to drink the drink. I stood there with a confused look on my face. I tried to call Elram four times. There were no answers on the first three calls. On call four he picked up, but I couldn’t make out his words. It was like a bad Verizon commerical. I started to get worried. All I heard him say was “I’m in the kitchen surrounded by 7 big ass dudes.”

Now everyone was in a bit of a panic. We’ve all seen the movies and in those movies this situation always ends with someone gettin their legs broke. I couldn’t afford to have broke legs on my conscience. Another friend of mine tried to break into the kitchen to see if Elram was in there. She pretended to just be too drunk to know where the bathroom was, but when she was in there, she couldnt see him anywhere.

We all left Ghostbar with many questions and no answers. We started back up to my hotel room. When we got off the elevator on my floor, there was Elram standing with one security guard. Elram didnt look hurt. Elram noticed us and yelled out “There they are! I told you!” The guard let Elram come with us. I told the guard that I thought Elrams legs were bout to come back broke. The guard responded “we don’t do that stuff anymore.”

We settled down in the room and I asked Elram what happened. He said that he saw the guards eyeing him while he was still in the Ghostbar and he noticed them talking into radios. When one of them apporached him, he handed off his drink and told me they had him. Sooner after that, he was surrounded in the kitched. They kept asking him what his name was and how he got in without an I.D. Elram, being resourceful, took his wallet out of his back pocket and tucked it under his armpit, so that they couldn’t get his info from his real ID. The questions continued. Elram never backed down, and never told them anything. Instead of breaking his legs, they let him go. That was it.

Elram’s Ghostbar run came to an end that day, luckily, it was also his last day out there so it didn’t really matter. Moral of the story, you can sneak into Ghostbar, just know that THE 54TH FLOOR DOES NOT EXIST!

Aubrey Sings Maxwell

Rod Benson — 2008-08-19T19:54:01-07:00

Aubrey gives us another look at his talents, this time in vocal form to the tune of Maxwell.

Aubrey Sings Maxwell from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

The Dance Off: Aubreys Turn

Rod Benson — 2008-08-03T19:28:26-07:00

First of all, if you haven’t seen “The Dance Off,” go back and check it out first.

Now, there has been a bit of tension around these parts lately. See, Clay has been a little touched (if you couldnt tell by his comments on his “dance off” vid) about the response to his video. But hey, he knew the rules of the game when he entered it.

Part of Clay’s “Dance Off” related sulking has included his refusal to watch the video that you are about to watch. He has yet to see Aubrey’s video. I’ve seen it. It’s great. You have to pay attention to this one a little more. The entire first minute is Aubrey trying to get ready and in my opinion, it’s the funniest thing ever. Anyway, I’ll let you be the judge. Here it is:

Aubrey Enters the Dance Off from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

Rememeber, I’ll have a vote at the end of 4 weeks to determine who is the best.

BTGOM: July

Rod Benson — 2008-07-31T11:06:41-07:00

So I have recieved yet another self nomination for BTGOM. She actually sent messages to both my MySpace and Facebook, which under different circumstances, might qualify her for a slot in “Funny MySpace Messages” (look for a new installment soon). Instead, I was intorduced to a smart, motivated, woman with a high degree of boom-tho-ness and an even higher degree of proactivity. Oh yea, and she’s easy on the eyes. Verrry easy.

I’ll just tell you what she told me and you can read why I felt comfortable naming her BTGOM: July:

“Hey Rod,
I'm sure you get flooded with all kinds of crazy messages (actually, I know you do because I'm a loyal reader of your hilarious blog), but I figured I'd take a shot in the dark and contact you.
My name is Jordan, I'm 21, I go to Syracuse University, I like long walks on the beach and bubble baths, yadda yadda yadda... Point of this message: I am an intern with MTV News this summer (the hip hop department), and it's been the most incredible experience ever. I've met some pretty amazing people, and gained some amazing insight to this crazy industry that I hope to one day enter.
ANYWAYS... There's an opportunity that's been presented to all interns to promote this year's VMA's. The grand prize is to report live from the red carpet. Clearly I want to be on that damn carpet, haha. They want us to come up with creative and fun ways to promote the VMA's, and I know you're extremely creative and fun (based on what I've seen/read).
I guess I'm nominating myself for Boom Girl?! I'm going to start a YouTube channel and release exclusive info about the VMA's on them, and the more hits the better. If in any way you could lend your services and provide your fans access to me, I would be forever grateful! Hell, if I end up on that red carpet, I'll take you as my date! I realize how busy you are, so no hard feelings if you can't do anything, but it was worth a try, right?
Anyways, thanks for being so funny, love your blog and have gotten all my friends addicted now too. :)
With all the boom tho i can muster,
Jordan

Here are some of my articles, just so you know I'm for real :)

http://newsroom.mtv.com/20

08/06/23/ice-t-vs-soulja-b

oy-tellem-video-blog-beef-

heats-up-kanye-weighs-in/

http://newsroom.mtv.com/20

08/06/25/ne-yo-says-his-a-

milli-freestyle-is-not-aim

ed-at-chris-brown/

http://www.mtv.com/news/ar

ticles/1590795/20080711/yu

ng_berg.jhtml?rsspartner=r

ssColdFusion
“

SO at the end of the day, I can help a hot girl help herself on her way to her goals. If only there was a way she could get me a contract, then we’d truly be even. Although, if she does win the right to host the VMA’s, and she actually did ttake me as her date, it would be the biggest victory that Boom Tho has had to this point. Let’s make it happen!

So, withouy further adieu, I introduce the BTGOM for July 2008, Jordan Upmalis:

Go ahead and google her, add her on facebook, or myspace, do whatever it takes to get her, ahem, and me, to the VMA’s! Boom!

The Dance Off

Rod Benson — 2008-07-24T09:50:14-07:00

A few weeks back, my boy Clayton, a couple of his co-workers and I wer having dinner in SF. Clayton works for a start-up video sharing website called “Howcast.com.” Anyway, I guess that being the only black guy there instantly shufles him to the top of most socially cool catagories.

I’m not sure how it came up, but one of his co-workers was talking about how great Clayton is at dancing. They all go out sometimes and Clayton hold down the dance floor while they all sit around and watch him work his moves. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when they were praising him as an honorable mention Jabawakee.

“Clay’s not a bad dancer,” I told them, “but he’s not exactly as tight as you’re making him sound.”

“When we go out, he has all the moves,” they informed me.

Clay was sitting there the whole time. You could tell he was ready to say something, but he was just acknowledging their words so far.

“In your group he may be at the top of the list, but in my group he’s like the third best,” I said.

That’s when he snapped. Clay made it a point to say that he was clearly the best in the group. I told him that he was for sure not better than JGant (I took myself out of it, but clearly I’m better too). I also told him that his “break-off-a-breezy” abilities are top notch, but his solo moves are what place him at #3. Clay took real offense to that.

We spent the next hour arguing, with his co-workers mocking input, over where he fell in the ranks of our group. Clay feels that I’m too tall to look right when dancing. He feels that JGant only has one real move, and is not a good break-off artist.

So, that night he just started dancing. I busted out the camera and I realized what was about to transpire. We now have a multi-person, two round, you-decided-the-winner, dance off. Each week I’ll post the video of a contestant or two and at the end of 4 weeks, Ill take a vote to crown the dance off champion. As of right now, the contestants are Clay, JGant, Aubrey (be prepared to die laughing), and myself.

Let’s kick it off right with Clayty Clays dance off video:

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

How to Sneak Into Body English / Sugar Shane's My Boy!

Rod Benson — 2008-07-20T19:38:22-07:00

This story happened over Memorial Day weekend, but I was too busy to write about it before heading to the Summer League. Anyway, I definitely feel that it’s worth reading. In a way, it’s a story, but in another way, it’s a very simple way to start your night outside the Hard Rock hotel in Vegas and end your night inside of Body English nightclub at the Hard Rock. Here goes:

We started out our night in our pimp ass presidential suite at Caesar’s Palace. While we were decided where to go, I got an E-Mail from Dj Dig Dug alerting me that Body English was the spot to be that night.

As you can see, we are just about ready to make our moves for the night. From left to right it’s Cedric, Lil Jason, JGant, Me, and Ramy. The five of us had no idea what was in store for us, but with Dig Dug’s guidance, we were sure to have a lot of fun.

When we got over to the Hard Rock hotel, the lines were out of control. There must have been four different lines, all with a different meaning and all of those except for one led to another inner waiting area. Even with Dig Dug’s help, we were going to be in a world of hurt.

Thing about it was that Dig Dug told me a name to ask for and everywhere I tried to ask, I was told to talk to somebody else. I finally just chose the shortest line and cut to the front. The guy there sent me to the waiting area to ask for the guy I was looking for with the hook-up. The problem with this manuevar was that Ramy had dissappeared so now our 5 had become 4. Even more problematic was the fact that they were charging $100 per person to get in and once the bouncer decided to let us in, we would either have to find that connect quickly, or pay the cover.

Lil Jason, JGant and I were finally at the velvet rope. Any second now it would all work out or come to a depressing $100 end. Cedric was about 10 feet back talking to some girls. All of a sudden, Sugar Shane Mosely popped up behind JGant and me. The guy working the rope couldn’t see him though becuase we are over a foot taller than Shane. Already frustrated with the situation, we conceded that Sugar Shane was about to walk right in and we would be stuck there. We moved out of the way and told the bouncer that Sugar Shane was right there. He quickly grabbed Shane and asked him who he was with. Shane pointed to his crew, then turned back and pointed at Jgant and me and told the bouncer that we were with him too. Jgant quickly grabbed lil Jason and brought him with us.

The bouncer walked us through the kitchen, up some back stairs, and right up to the VIP section. The moment was filled with a high degree of Boom-Tho-Ness. When I first got to the VIP table, I noticed that there was a disposable camera, which I instantly commandeered. JGant and I were ready to rock and roll and get in there like swimwear.

Cedric, who was busy gaming up some girls, never caught up with us and was basically left outside. Ramy was still MIA and nobody knew what had happened to him. It didn’t matter though. We were inside gettin loose off that Goose courtesy of Sugar Shane Mosely.

What you see about is me, Shane, Lil Jason and JGant in the VIP. We were holdin it down in there for about 20-30 minutes when all of a sudden, Ramy shows up out of Nowhere:

I was so confused when Ramy showed up. We hadn’t seen the kid in an hour and we just figured he was locked out with Cedric. Ramy informed us that he had been inside of the club partying for an hour. JGant and I didn’t quite understand how that could be. The lines were super long and ridiculous. There was no way for him to get in, then find us up at the upper level VIP. It just didnt make sense. Ramy then began to tell us a story that we just couldn’t believe. If you want to sneak your way into Body English, now is the time to listen up. I’ll rewind back to when we first showed up at the Hard Rock hotel.

So Ramy, being very intoxicated and impatient, decided that he was ready to party right when we got there. Also, he had a couple of his boys meet him and I told him that it would be hard enough to get in with 5 men, let alone 7. After realizing how long the line was, he doubled back around to a place he hadn’t been since he was 16 years old.

Ramy now stood outside the Hard Rock hotel staring at the door he had discovered back when he was an underage kid trying to live up his Vegas experience. There are many doors outside of the Hard Rock hotel, but if you look, like he did that night, you’ll see a double glass door with two sets of white doors to the left of them. One is a single white door and the other is a double white door. Ramy confidently walked through the single white door, which led down a small flight of stairs and right into thr middle of the dance floor. JGant and I nearly fell over when he reached this point in his story.

Ramy then, forgetting that he had left his other two friends outside, went back up the stairs and back out the door. As soon as he cracked the secret door, his two homies were waiting for him outside and followed Ramy back in. They got to the bottom of the stairs and begin to celebrate by jumping around wildly. Right then, a security guard spots them and walks up to Ramy and says “You guys got in? Great. Now get the f*** out.”

Ramy and his boys were forced back out the way they came. At that point, they simply waited a couple minutes outside, then walked right back in through the door. This time, instead of celebrating, they came right up to the VIP and spotted JGant and me.

As you can see, the night ended very well for everyone... except Cedric. When I got back to my hotel room, Cedric was waiting there, alone. He was not happy about the fact that we all partied with Sugar Shane. His bad. He should have just snuck it!

You Just Got JGanted!

Rod Benson — 2008-07-06T22:03:05-07:00

The second day of Memorial Day weekend, JGant, Kim, Ced and I were walking down the strip, when somebody thought it’d be a good idea to go into some bootleg casino and play the slots. I guess one of my homies had garnered a ticket that gave them $50 in free slot play, so thats what they did. It was obviously a set-up. A winner wasn’t a winner unless the jackpot was hit, which, of course, was never going to happen.

Well, while we were in this place, JGant and I walked around a bit because he wanted to play blackjack or something. After about a quarter-lap around the tables, someone yelled out to me.

“Rod Benson! Boom Tho!”

I turned around and there were some guys who looked pretty excited to be part of the movement. Soon after they saw me, they saw JGant.

“JGant! JGant! What’s up?!”

You have to understand that JGant usually doesn’t get the recognition. He gets some, but when he does, he ALWAYS feels big time when it happens. He makes a face that tells you that his heart and brain have just given each other a high five.

On this day, he quickly made the same face. He started smiling too as we started walking over to talk to the guys who were mad-boom-tho. The guys made it clear that they read TMRB and knew all the stories. They also made it clear that they knew JGant. I explained to them that he loves the recognition, which I think he also loved.

The who event took a turn when they explained to JGant why his name rings bells in their circle. They explained to us that their favorite entry on TMRB was “Don’t Make Me Punch You in the Balls... Again”. If you haven’t read that yet, do it now before you continue. It’s very important.

These guys then proceeded to say that they, sometimes sock eachother in the balls just to make each other mad or as a prank. They said that right after they sock their victim in the balls, they yell out “YOU JUST GOT JGANTED!” or “I JGANTED HIM!”

JGants brain and heart went from high-fiving, to collaborating on a way to erase these guys from the face of the earth. I’ve never seen him go from so happy to so annoyed in a second. These guys then proceeded to demonstrate the whole ball-punching motion while yelling out “I JGanted him!” It was real tough on JGant. I was ROLLING though. No way was this for real. People out there are really “JGanting” each other with my blog in mind? I LOVE it. I absolutely love it.

We took pictures with the guys (JGant wasn’t happy about the photo’s either) while they had their fists balled up in an “I’m about to ‘JGant’ you” fashion. Classic. I guess a new era has officially been ushered in: the “JGant him” era.

The Ipod Game?

Rod Benson — 2008-07-04T13:39:18-07:00

Memorial weekend was coming to an end and it seemed like we hadn’t really enjoyed our pool at Caesars Palace quite the way we should. On Memorial Day Monday we decided this should change. JGant, Ramy, and I headed to the elevator to go down to the pool. When we stepped on, there were three pretty good looking women on there too. We talked for a second, then parted ways when the elevator reached the lobby.

We dropped our bags off at the front desk and headed over to the pool. After searching for 3 chairs for what seemed like ages, we finally found our resting place in a shaded area of the pool deck and sat down. 20 minutes later, those same girls from the elevator came walking out of the pool in their swimsuits and sat in their chairs, which just so happened to be 15 feet from us, facing us.

I’m pretty sure that most girls look better in swimwear (see why I’m always trynna get in there?), and they were no different. They went from good to great just that quickly.

So now we are sitting in our chairs with our sunglasses on and they are in sitting in their chairs, sunglasses on, and we are all pretending like we arent looking at each other, which is impossible because our chairs are 15 feet away and facing towards one another. It was half-awkward, half-awesome. My glasses don’t allow you to see my eyes, so I made it a point to look straight ahead, but check them out at the same time.

Finally, JGant went to go grab something from his bag. I was going to ask him to grab my book so I could read, but I realized that that was foolish. I instead told him to grab my portable ipod speakers and my ipod. It was time to get this party started.

When he came back, I started playing music at max volume. The speakers are loud, but not THAT loud, so the girls could hear the song well enough, but not great. I played everything from Usher to Journey, from Bob Sinclair to Mickey Avalon. It wasn’t long before they all bought in. They were singing my songs amongst themselves like we were in a club. Still, the music hadn’t brought us together, which was my ultimate goal.

Ramy had just come out of the pool when I asked him to do me a favor. I told him that I was gonna play a song and that he should walk the ipod dock over to the girls and set it down right in front of them. He was reluctant at first, but after some more convincing, I started a song and he walked the dock over to the girls. He sat it down at the feet of the hottest girl and said “this is from him.”

“Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way”

Oh yea. I definitely sent them “I want it that way” by the Backstreet Boys. They laughed and enjoyed it. After that, the flood gates were open. I walked over and said “I’m sure you’re used to guys sending you drinks. I figured I’d send you a song. A song that shows just how I want it: that way.”

We started talkin w them and ended up riding in their car over to TAO Beach at the Venetian. Once we were there, we got in the pool and had the greatest pool party ever.

We finally parted ways at 9pm that night after a whole day that started with a song. If you’re not enough of a poet to compete in the Poem Game, then try sending a song. Maybe your day will turn out like ours did.

BTGOM: May (Yes, I know it's July right now)

Rod Benson — 2008-07-03T10:04:03-07:00

This was meant to go up long ago, but that doesn’t mean that this month’s BTGOM is any less important than the past winners of the prestigious award. This month is particularly special actually, because I decided to include an honorable mention. It’s also special because both of the following Boom Tho Girls EARNED their spot.

In true pageant form, I’ll first list the honorable mention BTGOM. This girl earned her spot not because she is a model or a celebrity. It wasn’t because people emailed me about her. It wasn’t because she was discovered at a Des Moines, Iowa bar (been to many) like a diamond in the rough. This girl is an honorable mention BTGOM strictly due to the fact that she wanted to be and because she was persistent and witty in her pursuit of the title.

I hold a vote with the other Boom Tho Originators each month to determine the validity of the BTGOM’s and this vote placed her second. I felt that she still had to be mentioned because the people need to know just how she campaigned for her spot. It all started with this email:

“Before I begin my campaign for BTGOTM (what a long acronym), let me say I recognize that I’m not some sexy beltway diva, nor am I a lovable NBC star, nor have I ever been in an ad for deoderant. Your GOTMs so far have been from the upper echelons of sexy-society—the lucky Boom Tho ladies have glamour shots and full Google Image portfolios to match. Some Boom Tho haters might even argue that these ladies are unattainable for a NB(DL)A star like yourself (For the record, I completely disagree—sky’s the limit!)

As your stat sheet has filled, your blog roll expanded and your hit counter skyrocketed like the Tech-Bubble Dow Jones, your audience has grown and changed. We are a diverse bunch who giggle when you clown on fellow NBA bloggers and love the inflection on Boom GOT them Tho! We enjoy both the simple pleasures of MySpace message exposés and the high-brow discussions about Pistol Pete. We have both your TMRB and NBA Experts Blog on our Google Reader RSS feed because we’re incredibly technologically sophisticated.

What I’m trying to say is, I think it’s time the BTGOTM went out to a ‘normal’ reader. However, when I say normal, I mean in the same way that Surf Ninja’s was a ‘normal’ 90’s movie. I am a New York native, now in my third year studying at Harvard. I have red hair and playful freckles. I laugh out loud to your postings in the library while studying for exams, I say Boom got them DOS with decent regularity, and my Boom Tho! Shirt is already in the mail. Just like your blog, I stay simultaneously extremely educated, incredibly comical and super classy.

Boom Tho.

Sarah Sherman”

Who the hell is Sarah Sherman? I began to wonder that to myself, among other things. She got immediate points for mentioning “Surf Ninja’s,” which was a move I would have pulled. Not to mention that Ton Loc was somehow cast in a movie about a family of surfers who know Karate.

I forwarded the email to my other Boom Tho Originators. Here are some of the immediate responses:

“Impressive argument. But this girl has red hair, freckles and with a name like Sarah Sherman is DEFINITELY Jewish. Being a member of the tribe myself, and having seen my fair share of redheaded, freckled Jewish women, I will pay your cover at any club the next time you come out here if she's actually cute. Plus she sounds way to smart to be cute.” -- Alex

“wow this chick is on it pretty tough...(maybe that's what harvard does to you?), but I think its a good idea to have users as the boom tho girl of the month, we've talked about this before.....” -- Clay

Alex was right. Nobody that smart could be attractive, right? Her words were already making her attractive and thus making us all believe that it was too good to be true. I emailed her back asking for pictures. Gotta have pictures for a BTGOM. She sent me this email and the following pictures:

“Rod,

I must extend my deepest apologies. My absence from world wide web contact has been a result of two things. First, crazy school ish has picked up around here and I have been struggling to tread water in a sea of response papers and exams. I've kept my head high, my dixon-ticonderogas (an exceptional pencil) impeccably sharpened and my Macbook on permanent 'charged' status--i'm in the clear now for a few weeks until finals. Second, and more gut-wrenching, Mike Mongtomery?!?? While Braun's firing was reasonable, hiring Benedict Arnold was a bold move that I have yet to come to terms with. Not since Shareef went one-and-done on us have I been this worried about Bears basketball.

As for the photos--i'm here to flood your inbox like it's a flickr account. Here's three shots, each with its own fun and flirty style. While an A-list BTGOTMer would roll with A-list celebs, the more 'average' BTGOTMs out there kick it incredibly C-list (Read: Leilene from Flavor of Love.. Ohhh yeaaah).

I must admit, I was a bit hurt when I saw you opened up the competition to the whole internet via your blogosphere casting call, but I think this one's in the back of the net for me.

Boom got them DOS.

Sarah.”

I couldnt be mad at that. She definitely is cute. If I met her at a Bar, I would make a play. She got my vote to be a BTGOM, but she just couldn’t beat out this months winner. She did send me another email couple weeks ago that I forwarded to the homies as well:

“so i wore my "boom tho shirt" out last night.

the crowds went wild.

i may or may not be the illest chick on campus.”

Alex replied:
“This chick is funny.”

Clay said:

“can we get a pic at least with her wearing the shirt? how bout she spreads the boomthodome to the harvard campus...haven't seen too many orders come down from beantown. “

Now, for THE May BTGOM. She earned her spot as well, but in a different way. I’ve known her for years, and she has always hyped the movement. So much so, that she actually created the very first boom tho shirt:

Yep, that was her creation. Her boom-tho-ness is high, but her accolades are even higher. She was the Gatorade High School Volleyball National Player of the Year, an All American at the University of Arizona, and a current member of USA Volleyball which is currently training for the Beijing Olympics. She just signed a three year deal with Under Armour and has other modeling ventures.

Even being as big time as she is, she still prefers to rock a Boom Tho shirt on the weekends (dresses and heels at night). So here is the May BTGOM, Kimberly Glass:

Oh yea, and she’s 6’2” tall!

Boom.

Return of the Mac

Rod Benson — 2008-07-03T09:57:32-07:00

It’s been damn near 40 days since my last post. I’ll explain why real quickly. My trusty old MacBook decided to take a permanent vacation. It was working just fine, then it just never turned on again. The sourcefile for my site was stuck on that computer and thus, lost forever. I have since purchased a new MacBook Pro and started the rebuilding process, which included copying and pasting ALL the content from my old site.

Anyways, now I have MANY entries to update over the next couple weeks, so expect a healthy dose of ridiculousness.

Frantic Search for Jeans in Vegas

Rod Benson — 2008-05-21T15:57:02-07:00

When my season ended, I was scheduled to go to Eugene, OR for the weekend to get together with my man Sammy Glaser and shoot some photos for Bill Adler Designs. Well, the trip was paid for and everything, when I found out that JGant was gonna be in Vegas that same weekend. How could I pass on an opportunity to party with my partner in crime in the Sin City? I couldn't. I had to switch it up and make my way down to Vegas.

Along with JGant was a whole crew of Berkeley kids who were all part of my crew back in the day, so I didn't mind sharing a room with 3 other grown men. The entire weekend was ridiculous to be honest. We had a group of about 12 in 3 adjoining rooms, so everybody was wilin' out the whole time. We hit the town in our boom tho shirts as a crew and everything. It was solid. We even started freestylin' some boom tho raps while we were pre-gaming in the hotel room:

As you can see we are goin pretty hard right now. Right after this, my man Anthony Bright took over and gave me a solid boom tho flow that we got on tape (rated R):

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

Well in the midst of this ridiculous weekend, I hit up my man Ryan Vezapour and asked him what would be crackin for the weekend. At the same time, I emailed the Vegas DJ with the most boom-tho-ness, DJ Dig Dug, and asked him the same. Ryan told us about the Kanye West concert that was crackin that Friday, and it so happened that Dig Dug said the same thing. Boom. JGant and I knew what we were doing that night. We were gonna drop $88 apiece and check out one of the best rappers on the planet out at the Red Rock Hotel and Casino, which was about 25 minutes off the strip.

Ryan picked us up and drove us out there for the big show. When we got to the outdoor venue, Lupe Fiasco was already killin the mic up on stage so we settled into the middle of the pack and got right to enjoying ourselves. During the course of the concert, about 5-7 people approached me and proclaimed their boom-tho-ness. It was pretty solid. Except for this one girl behind me who kept grabbin my ass the whole night. When I asked her what was goin on, she said she saw me on E:60 and I couldn't help but laugh. Silly.

I've been to Rock the Mic, Up in Smoke, and the Glow in the Dark tour, and Kanye's performance that night at Glow in the Dark was easily the best I've ever seen from a rapper. Crazy stage, no hype men, 20 songs, and the straight up realness bein' spit every verse. While I was enjoying the show, Dj Dig Dug told me that he was DJing the afterparty at the club inside of Red Rock. He said that we should just go up to the door, drop his name, and boom boom.

So, after the show we walked over to the club (like everyone else) and told the security that Dig Dug had us. He left, then came back and said that we were good. As we were about to walk in, he stopped us. Ryan and I had on shorts since it was Vegas and it was an outdoor party. He said that the shorts would not fly. He said we were good if we came back in some jeans. Damn. So close, yet so far away. Our hotel was 25 minutes away and it was already 10:40, driving back to the strip would mean that we would just go somewhere over there and give up on the Kanye afterparty. We needed to get some jeans, and fast.

We walked out to Ryan's car. He had a pair of jeans in his trunk that fit him just nicely, but I had nothing to work with. What you are about to see is a video documentary of what transpired next:

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

What you need to understand is that Wal-Mart was about 10 minutes away, so it made sense to make that trip considering that every other store was closed. Also, I could have probably worn the 36 length jeans, but there was no way I was gonna be caught dead in some coddamn wranglers. No way. Luckily for us, JGant didn't recognize what developed and we ended up having a pretty spectacular night. I wore his nice jeans and he wore the wranglers.

We met up with Dig Dug in the party and told him what kind of music we were lookin for. That dude HOOKED IT UP. Have you ever seen someone C-Walk and get Hyphy in some Wrangler jeans? I have. His name is JGant and it was a legendary moment. It was a moment that taught me that if you have a high degree of boom-tho-ness in your heart, it doesn't matter if you just bought your jeans at Wal-Mart. JGant still got down and pulled a couple numbers. Mad-boom-tho-ness.

Poem Game 3

Rod Benson — 2008-05-13T15:55:48-07:00

I was down in San Diego last week to visit the mother when I decided that it would be a good idea to visit my high school's basketball team banquet. You know, one of those end of the year, let's celebrate the good guys and give certificates to the scrubs, type of deal.

While I was there, some of the kids on the Varsity team wanted to know how I felt about helping them work on one of the servers with some poetry. Specifically, they wanted to play The Poem Game. I was all for it, of course. I was able to grab a pen and a napkin and I got to work. It seems to be getting harder to come up with new poems on the fly, but I was still able to whip one up. This is what I wrote for them:

Outside this room golf is everywhere,
But inside this place love is in the air
You wear black and white, I want to Looky
You look like a tasty Oreo cookie
Think about the games we could play
In a golf cart out on Lomas Santa Fe
Monica, you work here, I'm from Torrey Pines
Monica I could say your name a 1000 times
If I'm a ninja turtle, be my April O'niel
Come get my Ooze, if that's how you feel
Better yet I'll be Shrek, you be Fiona
We'd make sweet artwork like the Mona
Let me take you out to lunch, be my Hannah Montana
You bring some chips, I'll bring the banana!

I gave the napkin back to Ramsey Hopkins, a junior at TP. He then gave it to the server. Here's how it went down:

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

The Bachelor Party

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:52:14-07:00

What you are about to witness is an email account of a very terrible situation that me and some of my boys are going through. I'll give you a little back-story on the issue first. My roommate of four years, Richard Midgley, is getting married this summer. He is the first of my friends to get married, so I'm kind of new to the whole process. The lack of experience comes into play even more because I am actually in the wedding, so I am one of three guys all in charge of making sure the bachelor party is off the chain. Now you know all you need to know to read the following. It's an email sent by Christian Prelle (my hoops teammate turned model friend) regarding the bachelor party situation, Richard was not CC'd in this email:

We have handled the news of Rmidge getting married pretty well. Unfortunately though, we've just been hit with something that cannot be forgiven or forgotten as long as we live.

Im assuming that we are all in agreement with the fact that a man's bachelor party is his last chance as a free man to really get loose with his best buds. Im not saying that he will never go out again and get wild...im just saying that its a special time for us to commemorate the fact that he is signing his balls away for the rest of his life. Lets also be honest and say that the bachelor party is never only about the bachelor, its about his boys. A bachelor party is a prime opportunity for guys like Conor to swoop and maybe pick up some sixty year olds and make out in the middle of the casino, a prime time for Lup to find some Lup breezes make them cry and come home with lion claw marks all over his back, a prime time for space to find a nice blonde breeder and wife the shit out of her, Rod can get some amazing footage for his next music vid, and last but not least Mike will be able to disappear for hours and talk on the phone to his girl and make up a lie on why he has to take an early flight home.

Well, all of these amazing scenarios are in jeopardy of never happening. Apparently, Richard cant go to Vegas! I can hear the collective, "WHY!" amongst all of you. No, its not because of a family emergency. No, its not because he doesnt think Vegas would be fun. No, its not because he doesnt want to lose the money he is saving for the honeymoon on gambling. All of these MIGHT be acceptable excuses. As you have probably guessed by now: Its because Vanessa said he is not allowed!

I know there are other places to have bachelor parties, but come on when you're in America and you here the words bachelor party you immediately think Vegas. Of course, we dont want to go to Vegas because we want Midgley to bang some hooker like Vanessa is probably thinking. We want to go to Vegas because it presents the most opportunity, in the short period of time we have, to make some legendary moments.

We all remember the old Rmidge, probably at one time the most solid among us. The guy who claimed he would never be the first to get married, the guy who used to get in a bar brawl anytime he went to bear's lair, the guy who would cut off his own hand before ever holding a breezes in public, and most importantly the guy who ALWAYS had his boy's backs no matter what. Well, that guy is looooooonnnnnnggggggg gone. I guess we'll just have to wait for Mike's or Chase's wedding, which ever comes first, to do Vegas big time.

If there still are any questions as to why we arent going to Vegas please direct your emails to the undisputed number one saver of all time r*****@gmail.com. If there are any alternative ideas for the bach party please email me.

RELL

So that email was sent to all the boys on April 23rd. On April 28th Chase Lyman, former Cal football star wide-out, sent this as a reply:

Since Vegas is now out of the running apparently, I have some ideas for other things we can do for the bachelor party.

-Monterey Bay Aquarium
-Movie night in Walnut Creek
-Poker night at Conor's place
-Go to a poetry reading on Shattuck
-6 Flags/Great America
-Mystic bowling night a Palo Alto Bowl

Let's see if we can get any of these locations approved and I'll set it up.

I was actually at Prelle's house in Newport Beach when we read this email from Chase. I realized that Richard was now CCd on the email so it could blow up. It prompted Prelle to immediately send this right back:

Take richard's email off any further inquiries about the bachelor party and insert vanessas because she makes all the decisions. The sad part is I'm not trying to be funny, I'm dead serious.

Chase, the poetry reading on Shattuck is the only idea that can potentially get the go ahead from the head honcho...if and only if the poetry contains no profanity whatsoever, no sexual references of any kind, and as long as its during the day so we can have Richard home before the street lights go on.

We wont be able to go to the aquarium because the female fish and mammals dont wear any clothes. We wont be able to go to movie night because its to late and all the movies nowadays contain violence and nudity and profanity...all of which are completely off limits for Richard. Poker night, I'm sure she'll laugh in his face at the mention of this idea...the potential to invite strippers over, and, of course, Richard is strictly prohibited from gambling for the rest of his life. Six flags is off limits because of the dangers the roller coasters present...we might be able to get away with going to a theme park if and only if it's guys only day at the venue. Mystic bowling is obviously to late at night and there might be drinking which is also strictly prohibited because Richard is only allowed to have alcohol for special occasions like family parties or baby showers and even then its a two beer limit, no hard alcohol of any kind.

Oh man this had me just dying. Richard was my roommate for four years, and now it had really come to this! Well, I guess Vanessa (Richard's Fiance) didn't take all of this too well. She called Prelle from England to call him out on many things. I couldn't exactly hear the words, but she was serious. If she wanted to call him out, she should have just pasted some of Prelle's modeling photos on the internet, like I do all the time:

I digress, this is about Rich, not Prelle. After the phone call, Prelle sent another email to everyone:

Just to forewarn everyone, you are not only sending a message to Richard when you send something to HIS email address. His address is shared with Vanessa. Richard/Vanessa, could you let us know if Richard has an email he uses just for himself in case we have anything private we want to send him.

Thanks

Oh man I was rolling. I thought this would end it all, but alas, a few days ago, I got one more email from Prelle. I guess there is a site called "The Jew Knew" where important questions get answered. To quote "The Jew":

"This is no AskJeeves...Jeeves is actually my bitch. I've got a tailored answer for every question. You heard me...I know my sh*t.

Try me...ask me anything. Just make sure it has nothing to do with Math or Religion.

I'll have a response e-mailed to you within 24 hours.

- The Jew"

So, Prelle's question and "The Jew's" response are both currently pasted right on the front of thejewknew.com, but I'll still list them here. I had to edit it a bit, even for TMRB:

Dear Jew: One of my best friends is getting married and I am the best man. Of course, I'm automatically hit with the responsibility of planning the bachelor party. Vegas, right? Of course, Vegas. Only problem is his fiance will not allow him to go. Last time I checked if you are a grown man you shouldnt have to listen when someone tells you what do. I had the whole thing planned out and now everyone one of our friends thinks this guy is a joke, including me. How do we tell him he doesnt have to listen to her? How do we tell him that if he listens to her now shell be telling him what to do until they get divorced? This guy has pulled a complete 180 from the guy we went to college with which wast that long ago? How do we get the old guy back?

**Response**

Your friend is pussy whipped. He’s getting married for f*cks sake. The guy you went to college with is gone…You heard me…GONE. There is no getting this guy back. In fact, your friendship is probably already in jeopardy. The wife has probably started to “phase out” his college buddies in lieu of couples…F*CK THAT.

Here’s what to do. Tell the wife…not your buddy…that you respect her decision and that you’re working on a contingency plan.

Here’s the plan:
Have all your buddies book flights to Cabo San Lucas and get everyone to pitch for a flight for the groom.
Tell the wife after the trip has been booked that instead of partying like animals for an entire weekend, you’ve decided do a more relaxing bachelor party to Cabo for some fishing and golf. Tell her the arrangements have already been made and airfare has been booked. She’ll be pissed, but the damage has been done.
Depending on the # of guys in your party, Stay at the ME (If less than 10) or book a house through:
www.Cabovillas.com
Get a house in Pedrigal…on the hill overlooking downtown. These guys will take good care of you and have a great inventory of sick houses/villas. You can pull chicks back to the house and you don’t have to worry about being too loud and getting kicked out. Cabo has a great pool scene and plenty of hot babies.

At the wedding…your speech needs to call the bitch out. Then tell her that you hate fishing and that you suck at golf.

Good luck. Bring your own blow…
The Jew
www.thejewknew.com

So "The Jew" gave us a possibility, Chase gave us some possibilities, and, of course, we could just go to Vegas. What do you think of our options? Scroll down to Vote below:

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style="padding-bottom: 9px;"> "http://www.easy-poll.com/" target="_blank"> "http://www.easy-poll.com/sonda.gif" alt="free polls" border="0" />	width="140">What should we do for Richard's bachelor party?
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="0" onclick="glosuj_na(0);" checked="checek" />	Monterey Bay Aquarium
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="1" onclick="glosuj_na(1);" />	Movie night in Walnut Creek
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="2" onclick="glosuj_na(2);" />	Poker night at Conor's place
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="3" onclick="glosuj_na(3);" />	Go to a poetry reading on Shattuck
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="4" onclick="glosuj_na(4);" />	6 Flags/Great America
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="5" onclick="glosuj_na(5);" />	Mystic bowling night a Palo Alto Bowl
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="6" onclick="glosuj_na(6);" />	"The Jew's" Cabo Adventure
"border-width: 0px; background: none;" type="radio" name="sonda_reply" value="7" onclick="glosuj_na(7);" />	Vegas Anyway
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Naggin in Iceland

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:51:11-07:00

My old high school teammate and current overseas baller Avi Fogel and I were driving down to the UCSD campus to play some pickup ball with the D2 kids when he decided to break the silence of the lazy afternoon.

"Rod man I forgot to tell you about for funny ish that happened when I was overseas in Iceland," he said excitedly, knowing that I would enjoy the story.

"Oh yea?" I responded. "What's crackin?"

I won't quote him because due to laughter, I don't remember his exact words. So I'll it the way I remember it. He tells me that when he was in Iceland the majority of his teammates were black and from the U.S. He said that one night they all went out to some Icelandic club that, based on his description of Icelandic women, I would have to assume was pretty crackin and filled with many dime pieces.

One of his boys was REALLY feelin one of those dimes out in the club so he made a play, but she shot him down. I guess later he tried again, and again, and finally again. She just wasn't buying what the man was selling I guess. I wasn't there, but I can imagine a dude thinkin that he was gonna get some "easy" play overseas who realized that she wasn't that way.

Well, I guess the girl started to get annoyed with the situation. She walked up to Avi and his bothersome teammate and said "Why do you keep naggin me so much? All you do is nag nag nag!"

I guess Avi replies "Hahaha what? He keeps nagging you?"

Frustrated, the girl says to the teammate: "Yes. Why are you such a stupid NAGGER?"

Ummm.... I guess the accent made it tough to hear, so the teammate says: "What? Bitch, you don't know me!" and allegedy socks her in the face!

I haven't laughed so hard at anything yet since season ended. Obviously hitting a girl is off limits, but coddamn, he hit her because she called him a stupid NAGGER? Classic. Nagger should have shut his coddamn mouth!

Uncommon Sense: RIP Soulja Boy

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:48:02-07:00

So I was riding in the car with my mom and a couple of her friends the other day and while she's in the car I tend to keep the music tuned to something that's a little more mellow than, perhaps something I would play riding alone. I have XM radio in my car so as we are riding a Luther Vandross song comes on. It was a song even I knew the words to so we began singing it and just having a good old time. After the song went off my mom said something that got me thinking.

“Boy I am going to miss Luther, it’s crazy to think that he is gone along with Gerald Levert. We grew up listening to those guys...”

As my elders rode in the car reminiscing about their good times growing up to their music, I though to myself “Who am I going have to miss?” Seriously, that is a valid question. Let’s say 40 years from now when I'm riding in the car with my children and they decide to play some old school, and “Crank that Soulja Boy” comes on the radio, how am I supposed to respond???

“Kids this here is old school! You young people don't know nothing bout this here Soulja Boy. I'm so sorry he passed. He cranked that Soulja Boy one too many times. He will be missed.”

Funny as that may seem, that is a very real possibility. Now I just use Soulja Boy because he is very popular right now. I hate to admit it, but when his song comes on in the club, you catch everybody (including me), doing this little dance. My prediction is in 2038, the top 5 Top Golden Oldies will be Yo by Chris Brown, Lip Gloss by Lil Mama, Aye Bay Bay by Hurricane Chris, Fresh Azimiz by Bow Wow, and finally Show Stopper by Danity Kane. Honorable Mention: Wipe me down by Lil Boosie. Boom Tho
NBA Draft Update: So I am working hard preparing for the NBA pre-draft camp in Orlando. I can honestly say that I have never done anything this physically draining in my life. I work out at the most 3 and a half hours a day, and the majority of those other 21 hours are spent sleeping and dreading the next days workout. You truly have to love the game in order to keep yourself in the mind frame to keep on pushing. I am working out with University of Maryland standout, James Gist, Michigan State shooter, Drew Nitziel, and Memphis Center Joey Dorsey. We are going hard, early every morning and pushing the envelope daily. It is safe to say I am a certified "Envelope Pusher." I'll be sure to keep you posted on how the workouts are going.

Funny, Joey dorsey was callin me big time but this dude left the mall with me and went straight to the Cadillic dealership to pick up his escalade ESV.

Uncommon Sense: The Beginning

Rod Benson — 2008-04-28T15:45:31-07:00

For those of you who are don't know who I am, My Name is DeVon Hardin. I am former Cal golden bear and aspiring NBA prospect. Rod and I played together at Cal my freshman and sophomore year. One thing I can say about Rod is for about 75% of the time we spent playing together, I HATED him. Plan and simply put I was waiting for the day where he would push me to the point in which I had no choice but to beat the living crap out of him. Part of this may have stemmed from our competing to play the same position. I believe most of it was just Rod's personality. As a younger man I just resented him but over time I learned to tolerate him.

Not to sound too sentimental but today Rod is one of my closest friends and he has finally convinced me to give this blog thing a try. I suppose it could be pretty interesting. One of the things that has been holding me back from doing this sooner is the fact that, it is difficult to start a blog. So I am going to take a shortcut and piggyback off TMRB.com considering the fact that he has such a large fan base already.

While I may not have as many oddly entertaining antics as Rod, I do have some pretty funny stuff to talk about. I mean, I am not even in the NBA yet and somehow life has completely changed since the moment I left Berkeley. The only rule passed down to me by my senior blogger is this: whatever I write I have to make sure that it maintains the standards of Boom-Tho-Ness. Keep your eyes open. Boom Tho.

Devon Hardin is a former Cal Bear and is currently preparing for the NBA draft. He asked me to let him blog on TMRB.com so here it is. He wanted to call his blog "Uncommon Sense." Nobody knows why. Boom.

BTGOM: April

Rod Benson — 2008-04-24T15:43:12-07:00

I asked, you answered. I wanted to know who the next BTGOM should be, and I got the same answer many times. I was apprehensive about accepting this particular suggestion because I remember reading something about her last year. I read that she really doesn't want all the attention that she's been getting. I read that as a high schooler, she was basically being stalked and that there were pictures and discussions and websites all chronicling her every move. Maybe it was warranted, but it was unwanted.

Well, in a way, this is one of those same attention creating, "let's all gawk at the hot girl" things that she has resented for so long. In another way, however, this is very different. This is the Boom Tho Girl of the Month. This is about recognizing someone out there who I think is ready like spaghetti, someone who is in there like swimwear, and someone who could help promote the movement through looks, yes, but also through being all around cool, smart, and progressive.

That being said, I now feel comfortable naming Allison Stokke the BTGOM for April 2008. Some of the emails called this too perfect. Maybe it is. An athlete from my school who looks like that? I guess it was just meant to be. Maybe I'll go into HAAS this summer to get my ankles taped by Barry Parsons, AKA the best trainer in the history of training, and I'll see her in there. She probably won't know who I am, but Barry and I will look at each other and understand the Boom-Tho-Ness of the situation.

If you read this, Allison, understand that I recognize the way you literally raise the bar for the Cal track team and figuratively raise the bar for all Cal women who, although some of the most intelligent women in the country, are not renowned for their looks. I can envision you dancing at a FIJI (Cal Frat) party, absolutely framed like a diamond in the rough. I emerge through the front door with my crew of Boom Tho t-shirt wearing hooligans, get you a drink and we get next on the Beirut table (beer pong to those who don't really know). Ask Mohammed (Cal student services blah blah slash athlete favorite) about me, he'll tell you what's up!

That is what I missed out on during my four years. Oh well. Still, Mo, do it.

Ode to Jenna Fischer Parte Dos

Rod Benson — 2008-04-20T15:40:18-07:00

Earlier today, I went out and bought "Walk Hard." I popped into my xbox and started watching it. I had no idea Jenna Fischer was in that bad boy looking as gorgeous as ever. It pissed me off in a way. Why did nobody tell me that the official Boom Tho girl was all spiced up and hot in a Judd Apatow movie? It caught me by surprise. I would have gone to the theatre to see it if I had known all the details.

Anyways, the fact of the matter is that the Boom Tho GOTM's have gotten more attention lately than the original Boom Tho Girl. Jenna, I haven't forgotten about you. We have a chemistry that only two people who have never met can share. It's special to only us. So, I decided that you needed another poem to show you just how I feel. The first poem can be seen in "Ode to Jenna Fischer", but this is the second one. This is Part Dos!

The past few months have been really whack
But 2 weeks ago at 7 The Office came back
I'm so glad she came back - I've missed her
That's right, I've missed you Jenna Fischer
I know you think we don't know each other
But after watching Dewey Cox, I think you need a brother
If you were some milk, I'd be like Ovaltine
We'd get some brown in you if you know what I mean
Yep, I said it, I'm anything but coy,
If your life is a happy meal, then I'm your free toy
My beds like a ship, let me be your captain
Come to my room, "Where Boom Tho Happens"
So what if Will Farrell felt you up in blades of glory
The irrigation room gets wild after dwights bedtime story
You're like the Little Mermaid, Ariel of the Sea
Ill go to the water where it is hotter take it from me
Let me show you why they call me Too Much
I just want to treat you like my Ipod Touch
The next line is dirty, If you know what I mean
Treat me like a Nintendo Cartridge that's not clean
We could be like Jules and Seth, solid as a rock
You can scratch my back, but it's located on my --
Let's make some sweet music like Bleeker and Juno
When it comes to Boom Tho girls, you're numero uno!

Pistol Pete-isms

Rod Benson — 2008-04-19T15:30:16-07:00

On Ball Don't Lie, I wrote about Pistol Pete and how his skills were superhuman. Go read that, if you haven't already.

Now that you've read it, I decided to list all the Pistol Pete-isms that people posted. So, here they are, uncut:

a Pistol Pete spin-dribble started Hurricane Katrina
* When he ran suicides, he called them baby-makers. * He could have averaged 50 points a game, but he likes palindromes. * Shaquille O'Neal only took the name 'Diesel' because Pistol took Premium. * It wasn't March Madness until Pistol got angry. * Dick Vitale sounded like Jay Bilas until he saw Pistol's crossover. * ESPN originally stood for "Every Shot of Pistols is Notable."
Referees never called fouls on Pistol Pete; he ordered them to randomly blow their whistles to make his possessions more interesting.

Pistol Pete caused the 1977 New York blackout during a pickup game when his crossover dribble accidentally generated an electromagnetic pulse.

Pistol Pete's baby teeth grew arms and legs and eventually spawned into 7 members of the 1986 Celtics.

Pistol Pete once melted a pair of Chuck Taylors into the shape of the Virgin Mary dribbling a basketball--15 minutes later, the silhouette began producing tears.”

Pistol Pete is so fast that all his assists are to himself.
Pistol Pete doesn't break ankles, he amputates feet.
Pistol Pete didn't drop dimes, he dropped C-notes.
When Pistol Pete played, they moved the 3-point line to half court, because a 20-footer is just a layup to Pistol Pete.”
Pistol Pete never hit the rim. He swished every shot he ever took, he refused to even dunk the ball as he viewed the rim as disgusting and didn't want to touch it in any way.
if pistol pete was black they'd call him rod benson
Pistol Pete ran the 3-man weave single-handedly.

Pistol Pete racked up 21 assists in a one-on-one game.

Pistol Pete went deep into the NIT tournament despite the fact that his teammates were 7 goats and a truck tire.

Pistol Pete once had a line of 63 points, 21 assists, 18 rebounds, and 3 impregnated cheerleaders.”
Pistol Pete is a good scorer without the ball. Literally, he just stares at the ball and it goes in.

Pistol Pete's crossover is so devastating that reading about it will break your ankles. Don't believe me? Look down at your ankles right now. That's right.”
If Pistol Pete lost half his talent, they'd still say he boom got them dos!
Pistol Pete ran the triangle offense in 1 on 1 games.

Pistol Pete didn't call time outs. He stopped time.

Pistol Pete woulda averaged 57 points a game with the college three point line (that one's real).”
Pistol Pete is so fast that he makes other fast people..............seem.....umm....not..so fast.
well that sucked.”

Pistol Pete referred to practice as nap time.

Pistol Pete ate whole boxes of Wheaties in between time outs.

Pistol Pete never turned the ball over ever. The numbers that indicated otherwise on stat sheets were on the order of Pistol himself, just to show his supreme humility; one among many of his countless outstanding qualities.

Pistol Pete knows where Carmen San Diego is.”
The 3PT line wasn't ready like spaghetti for Pistol Pete
The Pistol often pissed his name onto the opposing teams locker rooms just like we piss our names into snow. Most of the floors had to be replaced becase of the seriousness of his piss' architectual damage.
Pistol Petes calander goes straight from the 31st March to the 2nd of April - No one fools pistol Pete.

Pistol Petes tears cure cancer - too bad he never cries.

When Pistol Pete does push ups he doesn't go up the world goes down.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Pistol Pete.

Pistol Pete gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Superman owns a pair of Pistol Pete pyjamas.

Pistol Pete sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looksand unparallelled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction wasfinalized, Pete spear-tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should haveseen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

The only time Pistol Pete was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.”

Pistol Pete only missed shots to make you think you have a chance.

Pistol Pete once scored 50 points, during halftime.

Pistol Pete's shots vaccinate against polio.

Wilt Chamberlain was Pistol Pete standing on his own shoulders.”
Pistol Pete once dunked from the free throw line in a game ... the opponent's free throw line.

Pistol Pete never checked into the game, he just walked on and off the court whenever he felt like it.

Pistol Pete didn't try to outscore the other team, he tried to outscore both teams.

Pistol Pete's hair was a lock-down defender.”
When Pistol ran suicides he didn't touch the foul line and the midcourt line, he touched I-95, I-77, I-35...
Pistol Pete once ate an orange and started crying...and Gatorade was born
Pistol Pete once put the ball through both baskets on the same shot
Pistol Pete was Mr. Miyagi's father
During the opening tip once, the pistol grabbed the ball and made a layup before it reached maximum height
Pistol Pete could throw underhand so well, he once struck out 26 batters in a slow pitch softball game.
The only guy he didn't strike out was Chuck Norris, who flew out to center”
When Pistol Pete's shot gets cold, the inside of the rim becomes a superconductor.

The Soviet Union had an answer to Reagan's star wars defense program, they collapsed because they didn't have an answer to Pistol Pete.

When Pistol Pete played for the Jazz, they saved money on halftime entertainment. Pistol Pete would just watch other teams acts on the road and do them in costume at home. In one game, Pistol Pete had 60 points, 20 assists, and 20 rebounds in the second half, after spending most of halftime escaping from an underwater tank where he could not breathe.”

Pistol Pete's statistics started the high tech boom in America by creating a demand for more powerful adding machines.

Pistol Pete could sink a 15 lb. bowling ball from half court, while lying flat on his back.

Every woman that Wilt Chamberlin slept with had been with Pistol Pete first.

Pete Maravich played a full game at lsu with a splint on his knee. He couldn't walk so he stood the whole game at half court and scored 30 pts with 20 assists and 5 steals.”
Pistol Pete could reliably hit a three from any body position while break dancing.

Pistol Pete never missed a layup, ever, in his life. The closest shot he ever missed was a 12 foot jumper. Hurricane Camille was hitting Louisiana with 130 mph winds but Pete insisted on practicing on the outdoor court. He also missed a half court shot that day, after spending a few hours shooting.

Pistol Pete once beat Bruce Lee in a martial arts fight. Pete knocked him out with an unorthodox two handed push to the forehead. Only his fingertips touched Lee.”
pistol pete was ready before spaghetti
Pistol Pete wasn't named after a gun, guns were named after him.

When Pistol Pete ran the floor, he never traveled any distance, the distance traveled for him.

Pistol Pete didn't have ice water in his veins, your cooler has Pete's blood.”
Pistol Pete averaged 39 points and 18 dimes one season, after he retired.

The season after Pistol Pete was traded from the Jazz... He still led them in scoring.

Pistol Pete once outscored the opposing team for an entire game, at the tip off.

Pistol Pete didn't drink water during time outs, he drank souls.

Pistol Pete's socks led the league in assists.”

The reason why the 3 point line was not invented after Pistol Pete was because he would average 70 points a game

To make a great branch of steroids you need Hennessy, Cocaine, and Pistol Pete's Blood.

Pistol Pete can play and finish quarter averaging 40 points, 10 boards and 12 assists

Pistol Pete is the legitimate father of Kobe, Lebron, Chris Paul, and Michael Beasly

During the 1980 Summer Olympics the US didn't go because Pistol Pete coached the Yugoslavia team. We call that "intelligent" warfare”

Pete Maravich is most known for destroying Dick Vitale blood vessels in his neck from saying "It's Awesome BABY!"

A Pistol Pete crossover would end Shaun Livingston's life.

Pistol Pete could win a championship with three cardboard players and Gumby on his side with the 07 08 Miami Heat on the bench”
A Pistol Pete crossover would break the ankles of the entire opposing team

Pistol Pete can make a shot while double fisting beers in the owner's box

Pistol Pete is so Christ-like, a 5 year old can walk onto a D-1 team after watching his youtube instructional videos

Pistol Pete can score 40 while walking on his hands and shooting with his feet”
Any guy who had to guard Pistol Pete would become so negative that if he were in a darkroom he'd develop.

Pistol Pete never learned how to follow his own shot because he never missed any.

A spinning, no-look, between the legs bounce pass from Pistol Pete ended world hunger.

Pistol Pete brushed his teeth with brillo pads and flossed with razor blades.

Pistol Pete used to fill his jock with week-old crullers because that's how he rolls.”

Pistol Pete's homework basketball videos led the NBA in scoring and assists in 1988.

Pistol Pete wants everyone to know that he let Jerry West be the logo

Pistol Pete solved Tupac and Biggie's murders. He just doesn't want to tell you who did it.

Pistol Pete could beat Tiger Woods in a golf tournament. Nah...just kidding.”

pistol pete didn't need his team mates, his team mates needed him

pistol pete was always on fire, he caused heat waves.

his shooting was so hot, he ended the cold war.

he could dribble a bowling ball better than Skip to My Lou would handle the basketball.

pistol pete doesn't climb mountains, mountains bow down to him.

pistol pete was so good, everyone around him looked so bad.

he'd score so much points, the scorer often lost count.

his numbers were so outrageous, nobody today would've believed pistol pete was white.
to post 84: pistol pete is so good, he'll shoot a basketball in a golf hole...using a golf CLUB! 'nuff said, pete pawns the tiger”

I heard once that Pistol Pete went up for a layup that started in Times Square and he landed somewhere around Beijing, thus creating the Chinese Basketball Association.

Pistol Pete never used a gun when hunting, he spit out lead bullets and crapped Titanium-another reason they call him the Pistol.

The Army wanted to recruit the Pistol because they knew then they really could be an Army of one.

Someone once asked Pistol Pete what he thought about racism in America, he answered "I pity them racist fools" Shortly after Mr. T changed it to "I pity the fool" The royalties he got on the quote were amazing.

Pistols socks were tight when he put them on, but he was so silky smooth they instantly changed to silk and slid down, thus the floppy look.

Pistol Pete didn't really die, he had started playing ball again as a black man named Michael Jordan. The NBA decided they better kill off the Pistol before the Government started looking into it. The Pistol transcended race, gender, and time.”

For fun Pistol Pete would do his crossover in front of pregnant ladies causing the disease we now know as polio

Pistol Pete was with Moses as he was escaping from the egyptians, when faced with the red see he did a single crossover breaking the sees ankles and causing it to split.

Strangley enough in jeopardy you can answer all the questions with who is Pitol Pete”

God originally asked Noah to teach people about Pistol's arc, but Noah was too big a fool to comprehend its perfection.

Many of today's NBA players still receive assists from Pistol Pete.

By counteracting a patient's body tremors, Pistol Pete could cure Parkinson's.

Pistol Pete's cross over cause the Leaning Tower of Pisa.”

When pistol pete heard people calling Jordan the G.O.A.T he rose from the grave and entered Jordan's nightmare as a monstrous basketball player crossing his airness and blocking him for hours Jordan later chronicled this ordeal in his critcally aclaimed "Space Jam"

When athletes make amazing plays time seems to slow down as God watches there acrobatic stunts in slow motion when Pistol Pete does time goes backwards as God continously rewinds his breathtaking drives causing what we now know as Deja Vu.

Pistol Pete's amazing leaps allowed him to break the space time continum. At the age of Forty he jumped and was transported to broke to 2008 where he saw the pitiful fate of the LSU basketball program, this is the real cause of his sudden heart attack. ”

Chuck Norris once challenged Pistol Pete to a 1 on 1 game. That was last time anyone had ever seen Chuck Norris
Pistol Pete can win a 7-game series in 3 games.
Pistol Pete's granny invented the granny shot.

Pistol Pete ate white chocalate and pooped out jason williams.
Pistol Petes blood is made of dimes
Pistol Pete is raefer alstons father
Pistol Pete can dribble with his penis
Pistol Pete did a crossover and went back in time and brought back chris kaman
Pistol Pete already knows how lebrons career is gonna go because hes already witnessed.
Pistol Pete is a decendant of zues
Pistol Petes crossover killed the dinasours
Pistol Petes crossover broke pangea apart.
Pistol Pete had such good vision he found america first.
Pistol Petes sweat makes gatorade
Pistol Pete went to medical school with Dr.J and the Professor
Pistol Petes jumpshot killed JFK
Pistol Pete proved white men can jump by jumping over the moon”

Pistol Pete was given the nickname “Pistol” because he carried a revolver in his gym shorts to intimidate opposing teams during shoot arounds. He once shot a man for double dribbling.

The Pistol shot over 66% from the 3 point line when it was introduced into the NBA while eating a ham sandwich with his other arm.

The Harlem Globetrotters only have 3 losses in over 15,000 games played. Two of those were solely at the hands of Pistol Pete when he was on the JV squad in high school (103 to 79 and 97 to 96...he had the flu in that one).”

Pistol Pete’s crossover was so filthy he had to get a tetanus shot.

Pistol Pete’s crossover was so good only Stuart Scott could see how he did it.

Pete noticed a flaw in wilt's delivery from the line before his 100-point game, when he went 28-32 from the stripe. He also had 35 assists in the game before going back to being a gleam in his pappy's eye.

Pete figured out a way to make his '67 Nova run on seawater, and was the go to guy for Red Auerbach's Cubans.

Pete got his handles from a seance with Black Jesus and the Houdini of the Hardwood, and gave his top secret hangover cure to Hot Rod Hundley.”

pistol pete once won an nba championship and got the #1 pick for his team. his team re-drafted him.

"pistol pete, why are you so awesome? you're the reason that i'm proud to be from louisiana" is what karl malone recites during every free throw.

in a best of 7 playoff series, pistol pete once came back from a 3-0 deficit to win the series 5-2.

when wilt scored 100 points, pistol pete tallied the assists.”

Pistol Pete was so good that his shadow was the runner up for National Player of the Year.....Three years after he left college.

Pistol Pete could touch MC Hammer.
The framers of the constitution gave Pistol Pete 13/8 of a vote.
Every time Pistol Pete steps on a crack, he breaks someones backboard.
Pistol Pete could turn water into gatorade, and when he played, gatorade had not been invented yet.”

Pistol Pete is called Pistol because he once killed a man with an out of control bounce pass.....

Pistol Pete's jumpshot created the baby boom of the 60's...women got turned on every time pistol hit them jumpers

Pistol Pete and Chunck Norris once played a game of one on one and no winner is yet to be named....earthquakes are the result of this epic game.....

Pistol Pete's crossover is the reason for the emergency system tests on TV.....”
Pistol Pete was such a fast, sharp, passer, that in a champion ship game he once cracked the time barrier, giving the ball to the newest sensation at center, Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln converted the two, securing Pete's assist, but failed to convert the foul shot, enraging assistant coach Booth