I'll Get You Sooner or Later
December/30/2007 02:27 PM Filed in: Random
My friend Stephanie sells commercial real estate over the phone. I guess her company is supposed to be the largest online yada yada commerical whatever you get the point. Stephanie constantly tells me about how hard her job is because people will consistently berate her because Americans don't really appreciate tele-marketers. I guess she has to call these people up and spark their interest in commercial real estate, but she deals with obscene language, and people who say they will call her back, but never do. I've heard it from her time and time again.
Check it out...
Check it out... |
Best of the Worst
December/30/2007 02:26 PM Filed in: Random
It's very tough to get me angry. I pretty much find the funny side to everything in life. So even when someone comes at me with the utmost disrespect I laugh it off. That being said, I figured I would relay a couple things that have been said to me that I find hilarious.
At a house party:
I was at a small gathering at a house next door to my apartment socializing when someone said "I could, but it's so big and hard". I don't know what they were talking about, but I, of course, said "that's what she said". I always say it because it always works. Well, also because Michael Scott is my hero.
Check it out...
At a house party:
I was at a small gathering at a house next door to my apartment socializing when someone said "I could, but it's so big and hard". I don't know what they were talking about, but I, of course, said "that's what she said". I always say it because it always works. Well, also because Michael Scott is my hero.
Check it out...
Poem Game Pt 2
December/17/2007 02:22 PM Filed in: Poems
Sometimes you want more than just a meal. Sometimes you need a little spice in your life. Sometimes you need to play the poem game. A place like Ft. Wayne, Indiana can have that affect on you. Maybe it's the blistering cold, or the wind that makes in colder. Maybe it's the four day roadtrip that makes you glad to get back to Bismarck, but somewhere along the way you get real hyped for some poem game.
Before I begin, I want to make it perfectly clear that these poems are not copyrgithed or anything. Steal these, rewrite em, use em. Why not? If I help someone out there discover their gift of charm and use it to thier advantage, great. Nothing would delight me more!
Now, where was I? Oh yea. So, we got to IHOP a couple of days ago for a game day breakfast. I am personally a fan of the Rooty Tooty meal, so I ordered one. You know the Rooty Tooty. 2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 suasage, 2 ham slices, hash browns and 2 fruit covered pancakes. So sweet and delicious. While waiting for my food, I decided that I would try my hand at the poem game. I mean, success was not really the goal here, but entertainment was at a premium so I decided to give it a go. I asked our server for a pen and got to work.
Here's what I came up with:
Check it out...
Before I begin, I want to make it perfectly clear that these poems are not copyrgithed or anything. Steal these, rewrite em, use em. Why not? If I help someone out there discover their gift of charm and use it to thier advantage, great. Nothing would delight me more!
Now, where was I? Oh yea. So, we got to IHOP a couple of days ago for a game day breakfast. I am personally a fan of the Rooty Tooty meal, so I ordered one. You know the Rooty Tooty. 2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 suasage, 2 ham slices, hash browns and 2 fruit covered pancakes. So sweet and delicious. While waiting for my food, I decided that I would try my hand at the poem game. I mean, success was not really the goal here, but entertainment was at a premium so I decided to give it a go. I asked our server for a pen and got to work.
Here's what I came up with:
Check it out...
Im Only Half of the Movement
December/17/2007 02:19 PM Filed in: Random
My teammates and I were riding through the streets of Bismarck on the way home from practice when I got a call.
I picked up the phone and said "What's up bro?"
"Bro, what's up?" was the reply.
We start every conversation the same. JGant was calling to congratulate me on a few things. What a stand up guy.
Well, sometime during the conversation, one of my teammates figured out who I was talking to.
Will Frisby interrupted my conversation. "Hold up. Is that JGant?"
Check it out...
I picked up the phone and said "What's up bro?"
"Bro, what's up?" was the reply.
We start every conversation the same. JGant was calling to congratulate me on a few things. What a stand up guy.
Well, sometime during the conversation, one of my teammates figured out who I was talking to.
Will Frisby interrupted my conversation. "Hold up. Is that JGant?"
Check it out...
I Watch a Male Modeling Show Every Week
December/11/2007 02:18 PM Filed in: Random
I'm with 6 of my teammates. It's movie night so we all have the popcorn out watching Superbad on my 73 inch T.V. Right after the fight scene outside the random party where the guy says that his "tiger got out of the cage", I jump out of my seat and tell everyone to hold on. I grab the remote, still shocked that I almost forgot, take the T.V. off of DVD mode and put it back on cable box. I look through the channel guide until I find the Oxygen network. Boom. I set the DVR to record "Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" which starts in 2 minutes, look around the room at the stunned faces staring back at me, then return to the movie.
My teammates didn't understand what I did. Too bad for them. I knew full well that my pants down dancing parter Christian Prelle was making his T.V. debut that night. He was selected by Janice as one of her models to headline her newly created Latin division Check it out...
My teammates didn't understand what I did. Too bad for them. I knew full well that my pants down dancing parter Christian Prelle was making his T.V. debut that night. He was selected by Janice as one of her models to headline her newly created Latin division Check it out...
Giving Thanks
December/07/2007 02:04 PM Filed in: Random
Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from every single one of your family members? I have. In fact, I've spent the last six Thanksgivings away from home. It would appear that there is no end in sight to this streak.
I've gotten used to spending holidays away from home because basketball tends to always get in the way of such occasions. Still, besides not seeing my family, I have never gotten used to eating terrible food on a day when the food should be tremendous. There's nothing like getting 88 text messages from people talking about how good their Thanksgiving food is while you're staring down at a pile of goulash.
When I was a freshman at CAL it was the worst. I didn't even own a jacket, yet here I was walking through the streets of Cleveland with Erik Bond looking for a 7/11. Actually, it was more of a backpedal because Erik Bond convinced me that walking backward helped when walking in cold, windy conditions. He was right. So here we are walking backwards in 5 degree weather with snow falling all around us searching for a place to eat...on Thanksgiving. I think I bought a couple hot dogs and some Gatorade from the local 76 gas station and that was it. Great Thanksgiving. Oh yea, and I ended up missing the Big Game (CAL v Stanford football) which just happened to be the first time CAL had won in years. Great road trip. I heard that we marched the goal posts down Bancroft Ave. Real great road trip.
This Thanksgiving started out like that one. This was my official "meal" for the day:
Check it out...
I've gotten used to spending holidays away from home because basketball tends to always get in the way of such occasions. Still, besides not seeing my family, I have never gotten used to eating terrible food on a day when the food should be tremendous. There's nothing like getting 88 text messages from people talking about how good their Thanksgiving food is while you're staring down at a pile of goulash.
When I was a freshman at CAL it was the worst. I didn't even own a jacket, yet here I was walking through the streets of Cleveland with Erik Bond looking for a 7/11. Actually, it was more of a backpedal because Erik Bond convinced me that walking backward helped when walking in cold, windy conditions. He was right. So here we are walking backwards in 5 degree weather with snow falling all around us searching for a place to eat...on Thanksgiving. I think I bought a couple hot dogs and some Gatorade from the local 76 gas station and that was it. Great Thanksgiving. Oh yea, and I ended up missing the Big Game (CAL v Stanford football) which just happened to be the first time CAL had won in years. Great road trip. I heard that we marched the goal posts down Bancroft Ave. Real great road trip.
This Thanksgiving started out like that one. This was my official "meal" for the day:
Check it out...Poem Game 1.5
December/02/2007 01:56 PM Filed in: Poems
First things first, I guess my teammate from last time had a talk with the waitress and she told him that she had a boyfriend. They discussed her situation and decided to just be friends. Now that you have some closure on the last poem game entry, we can move forward.
This time we were all signing autographs as a team. These autograph sessions can get to be a little tedious at times, so I like to spice things up a bit. When we were almost done, the same teammate as before asked me to write another poem for him. The thing about it was that we were back at Buffalo Wild Wings, the same place where the first poem was given. I asked him who he could possibly give it to and he didnt answer. He just wanted another poem.
I sat down with my pen and paper and got to work:
Check it out...
This time we were all signing autographs as a team. These autograph sessions can get to be a little tedious at times, so I like to spice things up a bit. When we were almost done, the same teammate as before asked me to write another poem for him. The thing about it was that we were back at Buffalo Wild Wings, the same place where the first poem was given. I asked him who he could possibly give it to and he didnt answer. He just wanted another poem.
I sat down with my pen and paper and got to work:
Check it out...
Im Really Good at the Internet
December/01/2007 01:54 PM Filed in: Random
I think I am becoming an internet champion. What is an internet champion? Funny you should ask. I actually just made it up 30 seconds ago. An internet champion is always winning--at the internet. Simply put, I am most likely better at it than you.
I am just plain winning at the internet. My MySpace is championship calibre. My Facebook is real hot right now. My blog is rated number 1. Solid yes, but there are four more internet related things that I can't help but be dominant at:
Wyld Stallions: Check it out...
I am just plain winning at the internet. My MySpace is championship calibre. My Facebook is real hot right now. My blog is rated number 1. Solid yes, but there are four more internet related things that I can't help but be dominant at:
Wyld Stallions: Check it out...
Trinidad South America?
November/29/2007 01:51 PM Filed in: Dakota
I need your help. I have a teammate named Kibwe Trim. I call him Tribwe because thats what I do. Tribwe is from Trinidad. It was funny when he first told he was a "Trinidadian". It led me to call him names such as "Trinidaddy Long Legs" and "Trick Daddy".
Anyways, he told me that Trinidad was real close to Venezuela. I told him it was probably approximately 8 stones throws away and he didn't disagree. I then said that he was the second South American I've played with. Morro was the first ("...they laugh at Morro"). Well, Tribwe did not respond well to being called South American. In fact, he refuses to admit that he is South American. I told him there is no shame in being South American. I am a proud North American myself, why not be proud? Check it out...
Anyways, he told me that Trinidad was real close to Venezuela. I told him it was probably approximately 8 stones throws away and he didn't disagree. I then said that he was the second South American I've played with. Morro was the first ("...they laugh at Morro"). Well, Tribwe did not respond well to being called South American. In fact, he refuses to admit that he is South American. I told him there is no shame in being South American. I am a proud North American myself, why not be proud? Check it out...
The New Poem Game
November/15/2007 01:49 PM Filed in: Poems
We were all at Buffalo Wild Wings when one of my teammates told me that he wanted to talk to one of the waitresses. He didn't know which one, and he didn't know how he would do it, but he knew he wanted to. It seemed as though one week in North Dakota had quickly become too long to not attempt to find a woman.
I was very willing to help. Why not? The guy obviously wanted to have fun with it and also hopefully take a phone number with his to-go box as we left the building. All 8 of us there that night knew that if I was to get involved that it could get a little bit ridiculous. I mean, let's face it. Everybody had heard the rumors about my blog and my antics. New guys were curious and returning guys were astonished at how much hype tmrb had gotten since that championship game day back in April.
Check it out...
I was very willing to help. Why not? The guy obviously wanted to have fun with it and also hopefully take a phone number with his to-go box as we left the building. All 8 of us there that night knew that if I was to get involved that it could get a little bit ridiculous. I mean, let's face it. Everybody had heard the rumors about my blog and my antics. New guys were curious and returning guys were astonished at how much hype tmrb had gotten since that championship game day back in April.
Check it out...
My Roll Dawgs
November/08/2007 01:45 PM Filed in: Random
The title of this entry sums up nearly 3 weeks of happenings. I think some of the events described go back as far as my last night in New York, and go all the way to right now. I've got the Kanye West on and no T.V., that means it's time for some bloggin'. Let's do it.
I'll start by taking it back to that last night in NYC. You see, before my agent had even called me to tell me the news that my days in New Jersey were done, I was already heading out to the city to watch then #2 ranked CAL play Oregon State in football. Before I left the hotel I was cutting my hair as usual, when the guard slipped off of the clippers without my knowledge. I gave my head a few more strokes before I noticed that the guard was lying on the ground next to my foot. I looked back up at the clippers and sure enough my #1 cut had become a number zero. Damn. I looked at the mirror and immediately saw that my head was definitely giving that Charles Barkley, K.G., M.J. shine . It wasn't that bad, but people who know black people's hair would definitely notice my spot. I called up Clayton and told him what had happened. We agreed that if any of the white people at the CAL bar noticed my spot, then it was really bad, if they didn't, then if was just a minor patch of hair lower than the rest. My main concern was that I was going to have to practice the next day and that the entire team (esp. Antoine Wright and Vince Carter) would make fun of me. Luckily, as I am a glass half full kind of guy, I was released before any of them had a chance to check me out.
That night I did end up going to the bar to watch CAL play Oregon State. I met up with my boys Stevie P. and Cam Jones.
Check it out...
I'll start by taking it back to that last night in NYC. You see, before my agent had even called me to tell me the news that my days in New Jersey were done, I was already heading out to the city to watch then #2 ranked CAL play Oregon State in football. Before I left the hotel I was cutting my hair as usual, when the guard slipped off of the clippers without my knowledge. I gave my head a few more strokes before I noticed that the guard was lying on the ground next to my foot. I looked back up at the clippers and sure enough my #1 cut had become a number zero. Damn. I looked at the mirror and immediately saw that my head was definitely giving that Charles Barkley, K.G., M.J. shine . It wasn't that bad, but people who know black people's hair would definitely notice my spot. I called up Clayton and told him what had happened. We agreed that if any of the white people at the CAL bar noticed my spot, then it was really bad, if they didn't, then if was just a minor patch of hair lower than the rest. My main concern was that I was going to have to practice the next day and that the entire team (esp. Antoine Wright and Vince Carter) would make fun of me. Luckily, as I am a glass half full kind of guy, I was released before any of them had a chance to check me out.
That night I did end up going to the bar to watch CAL play Oregon State. I met up with my boys Stevie P. and Cam Jones.
Check it out...Funny MySpace Messages 8!
October/30/2007 01:39 PM Filed in: MySpace Messages
Although I personally feel that there have been funnier messages in some of the past editions, I don't think any have compared to the ridiculousness (except for the greatest story ever told) found in numero ocho. This edition may anger you as much as it will fill you with joy and laughter. As always, you will be the judge of such things.
I'll kick off 8th edition of Funny MySpace Messages with a couple people who just won't let it go. These are people who I DO NOT reply to and still they continue to blow me up with messages. Like this guy:
Check it out...
I'll kick off 8th edition of Funny MySpace Messages with a couple people who just won't let it go. These are people who I DO NOT reply to and still they continue to blow me up with messages. Like this guy:
Check it out...It Just Got Real
October/29/2007 01:36 PM Filed in: Dakota
Today I made my return to Bismarck, North Dakota official. I faxed in my contract sealing my season (or hopefully just a part of it) as a D-League baller. You know what I'm saying... like KG except I aint worth a dollar, right?
My contract had the usual agreements on it:
Do you agree to compete in the NBDL?
Yes.
Do you agree to make way less money than you would overseas in hopes that you recieve a call-up and a shot at the NBA life?
Yes.
Do you agree to go back to North Dakota?
Sure.
Do you agree to living in sub zero temperatures and snow for months at a time?
Done it before.
Are you sure, considering that you still don't know how to drive in the snow?
Gotta learn sometime.
Do you agree to 8 hour van rides, 10 day road trips, 5 hour layovers, and flights that always connect through Denver or Mineapolis?
Yes.
Are you sure? Denver is really scary to in and out of with all that turbulence and all.
It's Halloween, there are scarier things. Yes.
Did you look at the schedule and notice that you will not leave the midwest for months?
Uh huh.
Do you agree to playing in for and in front of the best fans in the D-League?
I would do it for free (not really). Yes.
Are you ready to rock?!
Yep.
And roll?
Indeed.
And thus, after signing off on (and mentally agreeing to) all of the above stipulations, I can proclaim my return. I am returning to Bucks, and Stadium, B Dubs and Dennys, the Steak Buffet and Wal Mart, Best Buy and Ressler Chevrolet commercials. Lets rock! You know, and roll...
My contract had the usual agreements on it:
Do you agree to compete in the NBDL?
Yes.
Do you agree to make way less money than you would overseas in hopes that you recieve a call-up and a shot at the NBA life?
Yes.
Do you agree to go back to North Dakota?
Sure.
Do you agree to living in sub zero temperatures and snow for months at a time?
Done it before.
Are you sure, considering that you still don't know how to drive in the snow?
Gotta learn sometime.
Do you agree to 8 hour van rides, 10 day road trips, 5 hour layovers, and flights that always connect through Denver or Mineapolis?
Yes.
Are you sure? Denver is really scary to in and out of with all that turbulence and all.
It's Halloween, there are scarier things. Yes.
Did you look at the schedule and notice that you will not leave the midwest for months?
Uh huh.
Do you agree to playing in for and in front of the best fans in the D-League?
I would do it for free (not really). Yes.
Are you ready to rock?!
Yep.
And roll?
Indeed.
And thus, after signing off on (and mentally agreeing to) all of the above stipulations, I can proclaim my return. I am returning to Bucks, and Stadium, B Dubs and Dennys, the Steak Buffet and Wal Mart, Best Buy and Ressler Chevrolet commercials. Lets rock! You know, and roll...
My BBall Career is like a game of "Mike Tyson's Punchout"
October/22/2007 01:33 PM Filed in: Hoops
I had this entry done a week ago. It was then that my computer pretended to run out of batteries and turned itself off. In any case, it's here now. I was released by the Nets a week ago. Before I get into the Nintendo reference and my future, I'll recap my last days in Jersey.
2 weeks ago we had the open practice at Farleigh Dickinson University. I, not knowing anything about anything, expected to see a couple hundred people there. When the multiple thousands of people started packing the gym, I realized that people care more about the Nets than they do about the Austin Toros (D-League) who I was with this time last year.
After our scrimmage, I got to really see how crazy fans are for NBA teams. Thousands and thousands of people were calling out the names of thier favorite players. I was sitting down icing my knees while the madness took place. I can imagine that if I was Vince Carter or Jason Kidd, I would have a serious problem responding to anyone who says my name at any time. I heard people yell out "Jason" over and over and over and over. Seriously, like 300 people at a time, all saying his name. People wanted to get autographs so badly I couldn't believe it. Check it out...
2 weeks ago we had the open practice at Farleigh Dickinson University. I, not knowing anything about anything, expected to see a couple hundred people there. When the multiple thousands of people started packing the gym, I realized that people care more about the Nets than they do about the Austin Toros (D-League) who I was with this time last year.
After our scrimmage, I got to really see how crazy fans are for NBA teams. Thousands and thousands of people were calling out the names of thier favorite players. I was sitting down icing my knees while the madness took place. I can imagine that if I was Vince Carter or Jason Kidd, I would have a serious problem responding to anyone who says my name at any time. I heard people yell out "Jason" over and over and over and over. Seriously, like 300 people at a time, all saying his name. People wanted to get autographs so badly I couldn't believe it. Check it out...
Year 24, Day 1
October/11/2007 12:58 PM Filed in: Random
The 24th year of my life began like every other day this past month. I woke up, checked my facebook (already flooded with happy birthday messages), got dressed, played a game of Madden (beat the Colts 77-0, on all madden) and went to practice.
Once I got to the practice facility, things took a turn. There were cameras waiting outside when I got out of the team van. The cameras actually filmed me going into the building. I know that you probably assume that they should want to follow me in, since I am one of nineteen players that they are supposed to film, but Rod Benson is on a lower spot on the totem pole than some of the big time guys, so I was very surprised.
I got into my gear, had a delicious Gatorade energy shake, and got my ankles taped. I have to reiterate how good these things are, the Gatorade shakes. Every time a baby laughs, I believe that the tears of joy that stream down their faces are collected by Gatorade scientists, mixed together with such wonderful ingredients as uncooked cake batter and sucrose syrup, and put into a wonderful green can. Remember 9/11? Yea, the exact opposite of that. I digress.
Check it out...
Once I got to the practice facility, things took a turn. There were cameras waiting outside when I got out of the team van. The cameras actually filmed me going into the building. I know that you probably assume that they should want to follow me in, since I am one of nineteen players that they are supposed to film, but Rod Benson is on a lower spot on the totem pole than some of the big time guys, so I was very surprised.
I got into my gear, had a delicious Gatorade energy shake, and got my ankles taped. I have to reiterate how good these things are, the Gatorade shakes. Every time a baby laughs, I believe that the tears of joy that stream down their faces are collected by Gatorade scientists, mixed together with such wonderful ingredients as uncooked cake batter and sucrose syrup, and put into a wonderful green can. Remember 9/11? Yea, the exact opposite of that. I digress.
Check it out...
What B-Melt Has to Say (Myspace Story Part 2)
October/10/2007 12:56 PM Filed in: MySpace Messages
Go back down and read "The Greatest Myspace story ever told,” if you havent yet. When your done, my boy B-melt has some more to add. It is in his voice, so I'll let him say what he has to say...
Rod, you were pretty dead on about your story. but i do have a couple extra stories for your viewers enjoyment. SO EVERYONE, please continue to read... Everything happens in life for a reason, but when things happen like this, and when they happen to you, the only thing you can say is... "i know stuff like this can happen, but not to me!" it was weird, the more we talked, the more we had in common, the more we had in common, the more we clicked, the more we clicked, the more other people knew i was talkin to her. the more people that knew i was talkin to her, the more she hyped up the coolest white boy ever, i mean... SHE EVEN PUT A PIC OF ME ON HER MYSPACE PAGE! (now i dont think it can get any more honorable than that, LMAO) anyways... i havent lost total contact with her, she really is a good person, with a good heart... but its crazy to think not only did she have me fooled, but she had 75% of all professional athletes fooled, (i was the only white exception she ever made, so you gotta admit, that adds a little more spice to the story, lol) The 1st story might be the most ironic of all stories. in 2000,When i was a freshman at Illinois, i actually talked to her online many times, and we conversed back and forth about people and life in general. i remember sending her a picture of me and yao ming together...anyways... more than 5 years later, we ironically became friends on myspace, (which at the time, i had no idea i even knew her) and she immediately sent me that pic of me and yao ming, which freaked me the hell out, i mean... how in the world did she get that? i mean, that picture was taken over 6 years ago! and i forgot i even had that picture! anyways, that convinced me that OF COURSE, I DID KNOW HER, and by the looks of her pics... I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO KNOW HER SOME MORE!!! In fact, that leads me to story #2...the more i got to know her, the more she name dropped, and i started to realize we had many mutual friends, she actually got me into clubs in SD with out even being within 3,000 miles from me. i was waiting in line at "aubergine" downtown, and there were some Chargers having a party in there, some i knew, some i didnt, but the ones i knew, SHE KNEW! so, she hit them up on their TMAIL, saying, "hey, my boy is waitin in line outside the club, can you get him in?" the next thing i knew, i had some of the Chargers coming out to get me, bmelt, into the club! how crazy is that? im just a white boy from the country with connects from all over the globe. LOL... now its time for story #3,which is by far,last but not least... what im about to say is going to be said for a total sense of humor that you happened to leave out of your story, so please "Tiffany", dont get mad, its only as funny as you made it, At a certain "white party" in the summer of 06' i ran into this Kelly guy... he asked me... "hey, are you really dating 'Tiffany'?" and at that time, i was the only one in america who knew "the truth", i just didnt want to blow her cover, so i responded "yeah, sure AM!!!" he said, "DAMN YOURE LUCKY, i've seen her pictures, DAMN SHE'S GOT A PHAT ASS!!!" my only response i could think of was "you got that right!" anyways, i thought that would add some humor to your story. i could go on and on about stories that i encountered on my 6 month journey with this "Tiffany" character. but its just not worth it. she's a good girl, who made a mistake, all people make mistakes, but atleast she got the chance to live the life that many people can only dream of...being a "MYSPACE JUMP-OFF"!!! good luck to you RB, it was great sharing stories with you this summer at Glen Park! the infamous, bMelt. Once you become famous, you can never become UN-famous, you can only become IN-famous!!! remember that... "Matthew 19:26; with god, all things are possible"
Rod, you were pretty dead on about your story. but i do have a couple extra stories for your viewers enjoyment. SO EVERYONE, please continue to read... Everything happens in life for a reason, but when things happen like this, and when they happen to you, the only thing you can say is... "i know stuff like this can happen, but not to me!" it was weird, the more we talked, the more we had in common, the more we had in common, the more we clicked, the more we clicked, the more other people knew i was talkin to her. the more people that knew i was talkin to her, the more she hyped up the coolest white boy ever, i mean... SHE EVEN PUT A PIC OF ME ON HER MYSPACE PAGE! (now i dont think it can get any more honorable than that, LMAO) anyways... i havent lost total contact with her, she really is a good person, with a good heart... but its crazy to think not only did she have me fooled, but she had 75% of all professional athletes fooled, (i was the only white exception she ever made, so you gotta admit, that adds a little more spice to the story, lol) The 1st story might be the most ironic of all stories. in 2000,When i was a freshman at Illinois, i actually talked to her online many times, and we conversed back and forth about people and life in general. i remember sending her a picture of me and yao ming together...anyways... more than 5 years later, we ironically became friends on myspace, (which at the time, i had no idea i even knew her) and she immediately sent me that pic of me and yao ming, which freaked me the hell out, i mean... how in the world did she get that? i mean, that picture was taken over 6 years ago! and i forgot i even had that picture! anyways, that convinced me that OF COURSE, I DID KNOW HER, and by the looks of her pics... I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO KNOW HER SOME MORE!!! In fact, that leads me to story #2...the more i got to know her, the more she name dropped, and i started to realize we had many mutual friends, she actually got me into clubs in SD with out even being within 3,000 miles from me. i was waiting in line at "aubergine" downtown, and there were some Chargers having a party in there, some i knew, some i didnt, but the ones i knew, SHE KNEW! so, she hit them up on their TMAIL, saying, "hey, my boy is waitin in line outside the club, can you get him in?" the next thing i knew, i had some of the Chargers coming out to get me, bmelt, into the club! how crazy is that? im just a white boy from the country with connects from all over the globe. LOL... now its time for story #3,which is by far,last but not least... what im about to say is going to be said for a total sense of humor that you happened to leave out of your story, so please "Tiffany", dont get mad, its only as funny as you made it, At a certain "white party" in the summer of 06' i ran into this Kelly guy... he asked me... "hey, are you really dating 'Tiffany'?" and at that time, i was the only one in america who knew "the truth", i just didnt want to blow her cover, so i responded "yeah, sure AM!!!" he said, "DAMN YOURE LUCKY, i've seen her pictures, DAMN SHE'S GOT A PHAT ASS!!!" my only response i could think of was "you got that right!" anyways, i thought that would add some humor to your story. i could go on and on about stories that i encountered on my 6 month journey with this "Tiffany" character. but its just not worth it. she's a good girl, who made a mistake, all people make mistakes, but atleast she got the chance to live the life that many people can only dream of...being a "MYSPACE JUMP-OFF"!!! good luck to you RB, it was great sharing stories with you this summer at Glen Park! the infamous, bMelt. Once you become famous, you can never become UN-famous, you can only become IN-famous!!! remember that... "Matthew 19:26; with god, all things are possible"
East Coastin' Part 2 (NJ Nets)
October/01/2007 12:55 PM Filed in: Hoops
I've now been in New Jersey for a month. I'm gonna be honest with you. I probably spent 20 hours a day inside the hotel during the week. The other four hours were spent in the gym. After reading both of my Patterson books in the first few days, I needed something more to do. First, it was watching different episodes of The Hills After Show online. I even watch "An American Tale"... twice. I know the songs "Never Say Never" and "Somewhere Out There" by heart now. Then, it was onto other various things on MTV.com such as casting and what not. I figure if they have a "True Life: I Live in a Hotel" or something like that, I should be a shoe in. Now it's time to recap the whole month in one post. So what if it's a long post... deal with it.
Anyways, one day I was just laying around, staring out at the NYC skyline, when I remembered how fun xbox 360 used to be. I remembered the good times xbox and I used to have. I kind of felt like it was an ex-girlfriend who gave me the "it's not you it's me" line. It just gave me 3 red lights, peaced, and never came back. Well, I decided that enough was enough. I decided to take action and get my girl back.
I went online and found a ton of results on XBOX 360 and the 3RLOD (three red lights of death). As it turns out, the 3RLOD is a ridiculously common thing with the 360. Lucky for me there were plenty of tutorials on how to fix that bad boy. There were many schools of thought on the 3RLOD, many of which dealt with cooling and heat sink issues. I basically read a couple tutorials, selected the one for me, and got to work. Considering the fact that I used to build PCs from components, I felt that I could get the job done.
Check it out...
Anyways, one day I was just laying around, staring out at the NYC skyline, when I remembered how fun xbox 360 used to be. I remembered the good times xbox and I used to have. I kind of felt like it was an ex-girlfriend who gave me the "it's not you it's me" line. It just gave me 3 red lights, peaced, and never came back. Well, I decided that enough was enough. I decided to take action and get my girl back.
I went online and found a ton of results on XBOX 360 and the 3RLOD (three red lights of death). As it turns out, the 3RLOD is a ridiculously common thing with the 360. Lucky for me there were plenty of tutorials on how to fix that bad boy. There were many schools of thought on the 3RLOD, many of which dealt with cooling and heat sink issues. I basically read a couple tutorials, selected the one for me, and got to work. Considering the fact that I used to build PCs from components, I felt that I could get the job done.
Check it out...Ode to Jenna Fischer
September/16/2007 12:53 PM Filed in: Poems
If you didn't get a look at the new number 4 on my home page, Jenna Fischer has taken the place. Now, you must understand that I don't think I have any real shot of meeting her, however, I love "The Office", which she stars in. I loved her in Blades of Glory. I recently was informed that she is getting a divorce. Now, after adding her to my friends on MySpace, I have decided to write her a poem so that she knows just how I feel...
Ode to Jenna Fischer
But soft, what light breaks through yonder television?
It is the east, and Jenna Fischer is the sun
I don't mean to be silly, sick, crazy or rude
But when I watch The Office, I wanna be your dude
I cant fight like Roy, Im not as cool as Jim
But Im taller and blacker than both of them
I think if you read just a few of my blogs
Youd accept my invitation to play a game of pogs
Or Madden, or double dutch, whatever you like
Then youd never forget me, like riding a bike
I saw Blades of Glory and envied Will Farrell's right hand
Tonight you be a woman, and I'll be a man
I'm Doug and youre Patty, Im Stan and your Wendy
I'll move to LA, where we'll both be so Trendy
We could keep it a secret, make it sound like a fable
Like Monica and Bill, keep it under the table
People will say that were crazy the day that we wed
They'll compare you to Britney, and me to K Fed
Accept my MySpace friendship, that would be great
You could be my number 1, not just my top 8
Ill send you flowers like roses and daisies
If you said you wanted me, Id say back "Same-zies"
I know youve got trouble, divorces are hard
So let me take you out on my Chili's gift card
If I make the League, then youll be convinced
Just dont run off with R Jeff or Vince
On September 27th you go back to Pam Beasely
Ill be watching feeling a little bit sleazy
Imagining you and me closing my room do'
Because you already know it's boom tho!
The End.
Ode to Jenna Fischer
But soft, what light breaks through yonder television?
It is the east, and Jenna Fischer is the sun
I don't mean to be silly, sick, crazy or rude
But when I watch The Office, I wanna be your dude
I cant fight like Roy, Im not as cool as Jim
But Im taller and blacker than both of them
I think if you read just a few of my blogs
Youd accept my invitation to play a game of pogs
Or Madden, or double dutch, whatever you like
Then youd never forget me, like riding a bike
I saw Blades of Glory and envied Will Farrell's right hand
Tonight you be a woman, and I'll be a man
I'm Doug and youre Patty, Im Stan and your Wendy
I'll move to LA, where we'll both be so Trendy
We could keep it a secret, make it sound like a fable
Like Monica and Bill, keep it under the table
People will say that were crazy the day that we wed
They'll compare you to Britney, and me to K Fed
Accept my MySpace friendship, that would be great
You could be my number 1, not just my top 8
Ill send you flowers like roses and daisies
If you said you wanted me, Id say back "Same-zies"
I know youve got trouble, divorces are hard
So let me take you out on my Chili's gift card
If I make the League, then youll be convinced
Just dont run off with R Jeff or Vince
On September 27th you go back to Pam Beasely
Ill be watching feeling a little bit sleazy
Imagining you and me closing my room do'
Because you already know it's boom tho!
The End.
East Coastin'
September/10/2007 12:51 PM Filed in: Hoops
I stepped off the plane in Newark, New Jersey and headed down to the carousel to get my bag. I spent the next 45 minutes just waiting for my bag to come out. I don't think I've ever waited so long, but it wasn't bad because I got to inspect the scenery. People were talkin with their accents which was pretty sweet. There was actually a driver waiting for me who was holding a sign that said "Benson" which was also pretty sweet. He had an accent too, another thing that was sweet. I think I heard someone use the word "wiseguy" -- again, sweet. I walked over to the towncar and got in. As we headed to the hotel I could see the New York skyline. Sweet. I also saw some really big docks. I've seen enough T.V. to know that you don't want to end up "down by the docks", which I thought was sweet. I finally got to the hotel and went to my room and laid my head down. Right before I went to bed I thought to myself "You're on the east coast. Sweet."
The next day I headed over to the Nets practice facility with a couple other guys who are also up here early to work out. The workout was real tough, but that's just how it goes. Coaches were walking around saying hi to guys and I kind of felt like a no name. Then I hear somebody say "Rod Benson!"
I turn around and one of coaches says "Dont put me in the blog."
Check it out...
The next day I headed over to the Nets practice facility with a couple other guys who are also up here early to work out. The workout was real tough, but that's just how it goes. Coaches were walking around saying hi to guys and I kind of felt like a no name. Then I hear somebody say "Rod Benson!"
I turn around and one of coaches says "Dont put me in the blog."
Check it out...
THE GREATEST MYSPACE STORY EVER TOLD
September/06/2007 12:48 PM Filed in: MySpace Messages
Normally, you come to tmrb and you see the word MySpace and get a little bit giddy. You think that the new installment of messages could have you laughing so hard that you pee your pants. Maybe your pants are still wet from the last time. Well, this time is different. This is one of those few stories that really isn't just comedy. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse the day you ever signed up for myspace. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. I've actually had the materials to write this story for a year. I write it today for a couple of reasons. First, and more importantly, I lost a lot of the info when my computer crashed in July, so I have to write it out while it's still fresh in my mind. Secondly, it is the one year anniversary of the day I first heard the greatest myspace story ever told...
Where do I begin? How about spring 2005? In the spring of 2005, I was just coming off my big year at CAL. I'll admit it, I felt pretty big time for like 3 weeks until I got hurt. In the meantime, I was riding my wave of emotion and hype that would lead into my senior year. My hype spilled over into my myspace page for a long time. All my pictures were of me dunking or shooting or blocking somebody's shot ferociously (Matt Haryasz haha). My page basically screamed "big time" to anyone who saw it... or so I thought.
Anyways, in about mid march 2005, I got a myspace message. I opened it. It said "Hey sexy. What's up?" If you've read anything myspace related on tmrb, you know that I get these kinds of messages all the time from these disgusting women. This day was different. When I looked at the profile of the woman before me, I saw this:
Check it out...
Where do I begin? How about spring 2005? In the spring of 2005, I was just coming off my big year at CAL. I'll admit it, I felt pretty big time for like 3 weeks until I got hurt. In the meantime, I was riding my wave of emotion and hype that would lead into my senior year. My hype spilled over into my myspace page for a long time. All my pictures were of me dunking or shooting or blocking somebody's shot ferociously (Matt Haryasz haha). My page basically screamed "big time" to anyone who saw it... or so I thought.
Anyways, in about mid march 2005, I got a myspace message. I opened it. It said "Hey sexy. What's up?" If you've read anything myspace related on tmrb, you know that I get these kinds of messages all the time from these disgusting women. This day was different. When I looked at the profile of the woman before me, I saw this:
Check it out...Don't Make Me Punch You in the Balls... Again.
August/29/2007 12:46 PM Filed in: Random
This past saturday I was out at Slide (upscale San Francisco nightclub) with JGant, Clay, and Cedric. The thing about Slide is that it's a lot like L.A. clubs. Tight women basically can just walk right in, while women who the bouncers think aren't good enough to walk right in and all men without a VIP table have to wait out side. Even then, men can't get in unless they have at least 50% women in their group. Well, Clay and I were on the list, so we didn't have to worry about female accompaniment. JGant and Cedric were on their own to find some womens to help them get into the club.
JGant was the only one drinking that night so it was no surprise when we walked back up with the only 3 girls in line that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Then again, he had to make his way in somehow. Right before we got in, 3 other girls that I wouldn't call terrible, butI also wouldn't call the cream of the crop walked by and said "Look at those guys," clearly talking about JGant and myself.
Check it out...
JGant was the only one drinking that night so it was no surprise when we walked back up with the only 3 girls in line that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Then again, he had to make his way in somehow. Right before we got in, 3 other girls that I wouldn't call terrible, butI also wouldn't call the cream of the crop walked by and said "Look at those guys," clearly talking about JGant and myself.
Check it out...Elaine Mooseman is Going Down!
August/29/2007 12:42 PM Filed in: Random
Where oh where has toomuchrodbenson.com gone? What happened? I tried to check for an update and there was no longer anything there.
I got emails saying all of that and more over the last few days. I didn't really have a good answer for anyone. I, like you, thought that this beautiful thing called toomuchrodbenson.com was dead. Since this has been spread by word of mouth and linkage, I figured the time had come when TMRB would be no more. Let me explain...
Back on July 15th of 2006, I started toomuchrodbenson.com when I bought the domain name from Godaddy.com. Those sexually charged commercials really got to me. Anyways, I had the domain for a year. When I changed hosts from Apple to IXhosting, I was told that I could move my domain name to IX web hosting services. I did this and got my cancellation notification from GoDaddy. Boom. Perfect. The new TMRB.com was up and running just fine for the last 6 weeks.
Check it out...
I got emails saying all of that and more over the last few days. I didn't really have a good answer for anyone. I, like you, thought that this beautiful thing called toomuchrodbenson.com was dead. Since this has been spread by word of mouth and linkage, I figured the time had come when TMRB would be no more. Let me explain...
Back on July 15th of 2006, I started toomuchrodbenson.com when I bought the domain name from Godaddy.com. Those sexually charged commercials really got to me. Anyways, I had the domain for a year. When I changed hosts from Apple to IXhosting, I was told that I could move my domain name to IX web hosting services. I did this and got my cancellation notification from GoDaddy. Boom. Perfect. The new TMRB.com was up and running just fine for the last 6 weeks.
Check it out...
The Offseason Part 4
August/23/2007 12:38 PM Filed in: Random
My off season continues to roll on as August passes and September comes in. I arrived in Sacramento 3 weeks ago direct from my NBA Fair extravaganza in North Dakota. Since getting up here, things have really slowed down for me. It seems like everything I do now has a meaning to it. The season is right around the corner, and what I do now will have a direct correlation with the season. I think they call this focus in some places. If so, this is the most focused I've ever been, but that doesn't mean that I can't have different kinds of excitement along the way.
My next door neighbor is Harold Pressley. You may remember him from Villanova back in the days or from the Sacramento Kings in the 90s. He has 3 kids, one of which looks exactly like Kevin Martin. I mean not like a look a like, but the kid looks like a kid would look if Kevin Martin reproduced asexually.
Check it out...
My next door neighbor is Harold Pressley. You may remember him from Villanova back in the days or from the Sacramento Kings in the 90s. He has 3 kids, one of which looks exactly like Kevin Martin. I mean not like a look a like, but the kid looks like a kid would look if Kevin Martin reproduced asexually.
Check it out...
Public Transportation/Use Your Phone
August/22/2007 12:32 PM Filed in: Random
As an avid Amtrak and BART (bay area subway type thing) rider, I am witness to many ridiculous things. Remember the man who followed me from Sacramento to Richmond, then followed onto the BART, then got off at Glen Park station just like me, only to offer me oral sex when we got there? Yea, that pretty much justifies me as an expert in Trains, BART, and ridiculousness.
Seems like every time I ride Amtrak something ridiculous happens. This last weekend, I was on my wasy from Sacramento to Richmond, like always. I had my Ipod on my ears, blasting my new favorite song. It's called "Feel The Rain on Your Skin" by Natasha Beddingfield. I know it's old, but so it "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton and that's hot too. Maybe it's just because it's on The Hills, which is now my 7th favorite show. I digress.
I had my music blasting real loud on my ears, and I was actually singing along. You know, kind of mumbling something like "staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun da da da da da da da da, reaching for something in the distance..." when I got that bathroom urCheck it out...
Seems like every time I ride Amtrak something ridiculous happens. This last weekend, I was on my wasy from Sacramento to Richmond, like always. I had my Ipod on my ears, blasting my new favorite song. It's called "Feel The Rain on Your Skin" by Natasha Beddingfield. I know it's old, but so it "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton and that's hot too. Maybe it's just because it's on The Hills, which is now my 7th favorite show. I digress.
I had my music blasting real loud on my ears, and I was actually singing along. You know, kind of mumbling something like "staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun da da da da da da da da, reaching for something in the distance..." when I got that bathroom urCheck it out...
Can You Beat Pwiggle?
August/22/2007 12:29 PM Filed in: Random
I've been depressed lately. In all facets of my life things are looking up, but there is one area that is currently chipping away at my will to live. It seems that ever since those 3 red lights showed up on my xbox 360, life has lost its meaning. What do I do to consume my late afternoons? I am often too tired to write and too awake to nap. I can refresh my MySpace page and constantly check my facebook newsfeed, but without Madden, things are just not the same.
This past weekend I, like a broken man who was given a glimpse of what his life could be, was able to play Madden 08 for the first time. My boy Theo Robertson owns a copy for 360, and he invited me over to play.
I have said before that I would choose Madden over women in many situations. That day, Madden was my woman. What we shared was similar to a sexual experience. First, I got to know it. I read the manual, and reviewed the new controls. Then I turned it on. Self explanatory. Then there was the foreplay. I checked the rosters and the ratings. Its body (ratings system) was amazing, and it's 100 speed guy named Devon Hester made me nearly faint. Then we went at it. Oh man we must have done it 6 or 7 times in a row. The room was spinning, the temperature was rising, and my whole body was trembling with joy. Madden and I started at 10am and I didn't say my goodbyes until 5pm the next day. I started out pretty bad because I hadn't done it in months. By the time I was done, I was back to my old dominant self. I found myself taking control early, easing my way in, then pounding (my opponents) towards the end, leaving all the other guys wondering how I could do it so well.
I am now again ready to ascend to the top of the internet Madden world via Xbox Live. I go back to San Diego at the end of the month, at which time I will finally send my Xbox in for repair. I don't know how my budding Madden career will coincide with my basketball career but I think I can make it work. I guess I'm just a player.
For those who want to challenge me and my Madden abilities, my gamertag is pwiggle. I may have to re-subscribe or something when I get set up again, but yea pwiggle is it. I know what you're thinking: "What the hell does pwiggle mean?" I'll just have to tell you then..
You might have read that as pwig-gle, but that is wrong. It's actually P Wiggle, but when creating my gamertags years ago, no spaces were allowed on video game save names.
P Wiggle started years ago, my freshman year at Cal, actually. We were down in downtown L.A. for the Pac-10 tournament. I was taking a nap in my room, minding my own business, when my mom walked in. I knew she was coming, so I had propped open the door, but I had fallen asleep while waiting. My roommate at the time, Tayshan Forehan-Kelly, was wide awake, and in the bathroom. My mom, supposedly, allegedly, upon walking into the room, said "Where is my little Piggle Wiggle?".
I never heard these words myself, as I was sleeping when she came in. Also, she had never called me Piggle Wiggle ever before in my life. 3Han (Tayshan's nickname) however, supposedly, allegedy, heard my mom utter these words, and proceded to tell everyone on the team except me.
The next day at practice, everybody kept calling me Piggle Wiggle and variations such as pickle wickle, and I had no idea why. Finally Richard Midgley alerted me that 3Han overheard my mom.
Sooooo when we got back to Berkeley, we were playing Halo. It was actually a multi room, team Halo event featuring the Basketball team vs. the Baseball team 8 on 8. When making my profile, they bet me that I wouldn't use P-Wiggle as the name. The name has never changed since.
This past weekend I, like a broken man who was given a glimpse of what his life could be, was able to play Madden 08 for the first time. My boy Theo Robertson owns a copy for 360, and he invited me over to play.
I have said before that I would choose Madden over women in many situations. That day, Madden was my woman. What we shared was similar to a sexual experience. First, I got to know it. I read the manual, and reviewed the new controls. Then I turned it on. Self explanatory. Then there was the foreplay. I checked the rosters and the ratings. Its body (ratings system) was amazing, and it's 100 speed guy named Devon Hester made me nearly faint. Then we went at it. Oh man we must have done it 6 or 7 times in a row. The room was spinning, the temperature was rising, and my whole body was trembling with joy. Madden and I started at 10am and I didn't say my goodbyes until 5pm the next day. I started out pretty bad because I hadn't done it in months. By the time I was done, I was back to my old dominant self. I found myself taking control early, easing my way in, then pounding (my opponents) towards the end, leaving all the other guys wondering how I could do it so well.
I am now again ready to ascend to the top of the internet Madden world via Xbox Live. I go back to San Diego at the end of the month, at which time I will finally send my Xbox in for repair. I don't know how my budding Madden career will coincide with my basketball career but I think I can make it work. I guess I'm just a player.
For those who want to challenge me and my Madden abilities, my gamertag is pwiggle. I may have to re-subscribe or something when I get set up again, but yea pwiggle is it. I know what you're thinking: "What the hell does pwiggle mean?" I'll just have to tell you then..
You might have read that as pwig-gle, but that is wrong. It's actually P Wiggle, but when creating my gamertags years ago, no spaces were allowed on video game save names.
P Wiggle started years ago, my freshman year at Cal, actually. We were down in downtown L.A. for the Pac-10 tournament. I was taking a nap in my room, minding my own business, when my mom walked in. I knew she was coming, so I had propped open the door, but I had fallen asleep while waiting. My roommate at the time, Tayshan Forehan-Kelly, was wide awake, and in the bathroom. My mom, supposedly, allegedly, upon walking into the room, said "Where is my little Piggle Wiggle?".
I never heard these words myself, as I was sleeping when she came in. Also, she had never called me Piggle Wiggle ever before in my life. 3Han (Tayshan's nickname) however, supposedly, allegedy, heard my mom utter these words, and proceded to tell everyone on the team except me.
The next day at practice, everybody kept calling me Piggle Wiggle and variations such as pickle wickle, and I had no idea why. Finally Richard Midgley alerted me that 3Han overheard my mom.
Sooooo when we got back to Berkeley, we were playing Halo. It was actually a multi room, team Halo event featuring the Basketball team vs. the Baseball team 8 on 8. When making my profile, they bet me that I wouldn't use P-Wiggle as the name. The name has never changed since.
The Offseason Part 3
August/02/2007 12:27 PM Filed in: Dakota
I'm currently awaiting a phone call from my agent alerting me of who I will go to training camp with (provided that anybody out there wants me). While in wait mode, I got a phone call from the media relations guy (Mike, if that's not your title, my bad) from the NBDL Dakota Wizards, Mike. Mike informed my that the NBA would contact me soon about an appearance they hoped I would do. A few days later I was on the phone with an NBA representative who informed me that the NBA has something called the NBA Fair. The NBA Fair is an NBA attraction that travels to state fairs all over the country. Specifically, the NBA Fair travels to fairs that are outside of traditional NBA Markets.
The NBA agreed to pay me to go to the NBA Fair at North Dakota's state fair in Minot, ND, to sign autographs and play games with the kids. I would be obligated to appear for an hour each day for two days. I figured it would be cool, plus there was money involved, duh.
When I stepped off the plane in North Dakota, there was a local sports reporter there who was ready to interview me. You can watch that here: http://www.kxma.com/video.asp?ArticleId=147564&VideoId=11908
Check it out...
The NBA agreed to pay me to go to the NBA Fair at North Dakota's state fair in Minot, ND, to sign autographs and play games with the kids. I would be obligated to appear for an hour each day for two days. I figured it would be cool, plus there was money involved, duh.
When I stepped off the plane in North Dakota, there was a local sports reporter there who was ready to interview me. You can watch that here: http://www.kxma.com/video.asp?ArticleId=147564&VideoId=11908
Check it out...
The Greatest to Ever Come Out of Cardiff by the Sea?
July/26/2007 12:23 PM Filed in: Hoops
While I was home in Cardiff (San Diego), I got wind of some basketball tournament at Glen Park. Glen Park is where I grew up playing since I was 8 years old. If I was a star in EA Sports NBA Street, Glen Park would be my home court and my story would tell of days ballin at the park, drankin slurpees at 7 Eleven, then walking to the beach. Anyways, I was told that the Glen Park Classic (GPC) would be held while I was back in Cardiff. At first I had no interest in the event. Why would I? I grew up playing against these guys my whole life and I had never even heard of the GPC. Also, I spent the last two weeks guarding guys like Rudy Gay and Chris Kaman, what could really come out of participating in the GPC?
It then dawned on me that Cardiff is my town. I, through the GPC, could be crowned the greatest player Cardiff has to offer. I mean the population is only like 8,000 and there's not even a high school there, but that crown would make competing worthwhile in my mind. I had Kelly place the call to Kam Walton, cousin of NBA Star Luke Walton. They already had 6 men for the 4 on 4 affair, so he cut some guy who played his college ball at Iowa, I guess he was no Rod Benson. Our team included Kam, Adam Olson, Myself, Tyler Newton, who played at UOP, Jordan Feramisco, my former high school teammate and San Diego county player of the year, Dave Bradley, another Torrey Pines High star who actually was Iowa's punter and former roommate of Jared Reiner (small world huh?). So, exactly one week after going against Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants, and Craig Smith, I was lining up against No name guy #1, #2, #3, and #4 at the GPC.
Check it out...
It then dawned on me that Cardiff is my town. I, through the GPC, could be crowned the greatest player Cardiff has to offer. I mean the population is only like 8,000 and there's not even a high school there, but that crown would make competing worthwhile in my mind. I had Kelly place the call to Kam Walton, cousin of NBA Star Luke Walton. They already had 6 men for the 4 on 4 affair, so he cut some guy who played his college ball at Iowa, I guess he was no Rod Benson. Our team included Kam, Adam Olson, Myself, Tyler Newton, who played at UOP, Jordan Feramisco, my former high school teammate and San Diego county player of the year, Dave Bradley, another Torrey Pines High star who actually was Iowa's punter and former roommate of Jared Reiner (small world huh?). So, exactly one week after going against Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants, and Craig Smith, I was lining up against No name guy #1, #2, #3, and #4 at the GPC.
Check it out...Camp/Dive Bars (I've been told this needs a more grabby name, due to the fact that it is actually the craziest post ever).
July/25/2007 12:20 PM Filed in: Random
Finally, there was a break in the madness. A week at home in Cardiff by the Sea (North County San Diego) with no commitments, games, or pressure. I basically had just a few things on my agenda: I wanted to spend time with the fam, explore our local dive bar scene, and work my high school basketball camp for some extra cheese. Plus, I was driving a hearse all week as my transportation. Pretty much all the ingredients necessary for a crazy week.
Check it out...
Check it out...Best Week Ever
July/24/2007 12:19 PM Filed in: Random
Basically, I have decided that I now love Las Vegas. The last time I was there, I had an O.K. time. In the "I'm Not Big TIme" and "You've Got to be Kidding Me" entries, I watched the beautiful celebrities splash champagne in the VIP while I was crowded on the dance floor. This last trip was very different my friends. Why was it so diffewrent this time? Hmm I dunno. Maybe it had a little something to do with the fact that I was there with the Memphis Grizzlies. Yea, that was it. I was in town with 20 NBA teams. It makes a little bit of a difference. Oh yea, I happened to be staying at The Venetian ... eeevvverrr heard of it?
Check it out...
Check it out...The Offseason Part 2
July/23/2007 12:15 PM Filed in: Hoops
Wow, has it really been a month since I last posted something? I swear I've nearly had my life threatened by people waiting for me to post my new blog. Well, there have been a couple of reasons for my delay. For starters, my hard drive crashed on my macbook, putting me out of commission for a few weeks. Then there was this little matter of playing in the NBA Vegas Summer League. So, I guess I'll just pick up where I ended the last post...
After working out for Golden State, I had a couple days off before traveling out to Memphis for their mini-camp. This camp was unique from the others for two reasons: it was after the draft, and it was directly before summer league. This meant that first round pick Michael Conley Jr. was there as well as Rudy Gay, Kyle Lowry, Tarrence Kinsey, and Alexander Johnson -- guys who are actually getting paid.
I got in the day before the camp started and was the last person to fill out paper work and get a physical. As I have stated many times before, I hate doing the "grab my balls" test, so I was pretty happy to see that guys were getting their physicals done in the open area of the trainers room, eliminating the possibilty of such a check. As it turns out, those guys were returning players so they didn't need to get re-checked. I was promptly walked to the back room where the doctor, while doing the balls test, began to tell me why they do the test. He told me the story about how Lance Armstrong, while doing this very test, was found to have testicular cancer. He told that, because of that, it's becoming a much more widely used test, even on younger athletes like myself. He told me that I could even give myself the test. To quote him: "nobody knows your balls like you." It was then that I realized he had been talking for like a minute and a half telling me all these stories, and his fingers were still on my balls! We both must have lost track of time.
The next day I got to the locker room and saw that they had given me jersey number 4 -- Stromile Swift's number, not the Rod Benson 0. Not only that, but they put me in Stromile's locker as well:
Check it out...
After working out for Golden State, I had a couple days off before traveling out to Memphis for their mini-camp. This camp was unique from the others for two reasons: it was after the draft, and it was directly before summer league. This meant that first round pick Michael Conley Jr. was there as well as Rudy Gay, Kyle Lowry, Tarrence Kinsey, and Alexander Johnson -- guys who are actually getting paid.
I got in the day before the camp started and was the last person to fill out paper work and get a physical. As I have stated many times before, I hate doing the "grab my balls" test, so I was pretty happy to see that guys were getting their physicals done in the open area of the trainers room, eliminating the possibilty of such a check. As it turns out, those guys were returning players so they didn't need to get re-checked. I was promptly walked to the back room where the doctor, while doing the balls test, began to tell me why they do the test. He told me the story about how Lance Armstrong, while doing this very test, was found to have testicular cancer. He told that, because of that, it's becoming a much more widely used test, even on younger athletes like myself. He told me that I could even give myself the test. To quote him: "nobody knows your balls like you." It was then that I realized he had been talking for like a minute and a half telling me all these stories, and his fingers were still on my balls! We both must have lost track of time.
The next day I got to the locker room and saw that they had given me jersey number 4 -- Stromile Swift's number, not the Rod Benson 0. Not only that, but they put me in Stromile's locker as well:
Check it out...The Offseason
June/25/2007 12:13 PM Filed in: Hoops
While the college kids are preparing for the NBA Draft, us older guys are out trying to take the free agent route. So a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from my agent. He said that it was time for me to start making NBA related moves, the first of which was a free agent camp in Milwaukee. It’s always nice to say that you’re going to Milwaukee for mini-camp, rather than saying: “yea, I’m just kinda hanging out until I hear something.” People think you’re wasting your life away when you don’t have actual dates and teams. It’s also nice to get that Per Diem for everyday that you workout. I didn’t exactly make the big bucks this past year, so every dollar counts. My agent called me the “dumbest Berkeley kid ever” for not telling him that I only had $8 to my name (I needed him to book a shuttle for me from the airport to the hotel when I landed in Milwaukee). That’s how it goes sometimes.
So I arrive at the Hyatt Regency in Milwaukee and the first thing I have to do is use the bathroom, but I refuse. I know that we have physicals in 10 minutes and if they weigh me, then that extra 2 lbs could come in handy. 221 looks better than 219 any day of the week, so I hold it. Turns out that there is no weigh in, just the typical physical. Check it out...
So I arrive at the Hyatt Regency in Milwaukee and the first thing I have to do is use the bathroom, but I refuse. I know that we have physicals in 10 minutes and if they weigh me, then that extra 2 lbs could come in handy. 221 looks better than 219 any day of the week, so I hold it. Turns out that there is no weigh in, just the typical physical. Check it out...
Funny MySpace Messages 7
June/18/2007 11:28 AM Filed in: MySpace Messages
It’s been just over 2 months since the last installment of funny myspace messages. I must say, I’ve had so many during the past few months, that I left quite a few of them out. Well, there’s no time to waste time, so let’s get this started.
I’ll pick up where I left off last time, with “Sweet Ann” from part 6. If you don’t remember her, just go back. She had sent me something like 10 messages in a 2 week period. This was the 11th:
Miss u much!
Body: Hey boo! How we doing today. Just strolling down your page to show u some love. So what have u been up to lately. Hope all is good for u as it is for me. Just missing u right now. Just thought I make your day good with me in it. Smile It's good for the soul! I now your busy with work and all, If u have time holla at your gurl!!
SweetAnn
In case you forgot, my “work” included catching the worlds biggest squid off the pacific coast. I guess she just wanted some Rod Benson...
This girl did too:
Check it out...
I’ll pick up where I left off last time, with “Sweet Ann” from part 6. If you don’t remember her, just go back. She had sent me something like 10 messages in a 2 week period. This was the 11th:
Miss u much!
Body: Hey boo! How we doing today. Just strolling down your page to show u some love. So what have u been up to lately. Hope all is good for u as it is for me. Just missing u right now. Just thought I make your day good with me in it. Smile It's good for the soul! I now your busy with work and all, If u have time holla at your gurl!!
SweetAnn
In case you forgot, my “work” included catching the worlds biggest squid off the pacific coast. I guess she just wanted some Rod Benson...
This girl did too:
Check it out...You've Got to be Kidding Me
June/02/2007 11:23 AM Filed in: Random
Well, on my last night in Vegas, I was definitely over the club scene. I was too small time for the club the night before, and spent $40 just to get in. I made up my mind early on that last day that I would only go to bars that night. Nobody was gonna change my mind. I wanted to do something free, and I wanted to do something adventurous.
I figured I would hit 20 bars in 4 hours. I’d have a beer at every spot, check out the women and see if any were ready like spaghetti, and keep moving after a few minutes. The plan seemed flawless. “Billy” was gonna come with me and Renee was strongly considering joining in with me.
At about 8 P.M. I was ready to make my moves. Renee, “Jimmy”, “Billy”, and a few other people got a bottle of Ketel One and each had a few shots. It was then that I was informed that Jimmy convinced Billy to go with him to the clubs and Renee had decided to do the same. Basically what it meant was that I had to either join them, or make my moves on my own. Check it out...
I figured I would hit 20 bars in 4 hours. I’d have a beer at every spot, check out the women and see if any were ready like spaghetti, and keep moving after a few minutes. The plan seemed flawless. “Billy” was gonna come with me and Renee was strongly considering joining in with me.
At about 8 P.M. I was ready to make my moves. Renee, “Jimmy”, “Billy”, and a few other people got a bottle of Ketel One and each had a few shots. It was then that I was informed that Jimmy convinced Billy to go with him to the clubs and Renee had decided to do the same. Basically what it meant was that I had to either join them, or make my moves on my own. Check it out...
I'm Not Big Time (Vegas Part 1)
June/02/2007 11:22 AM Filed in: Random
Las Vegas, it’s just one of those places. It just happens to be the place that I spent memorial weekend. As you probably already already know, I’m and energetic guy and Las Vegas brings a lot of energy itself, so when combined, the effects can be explosive. At least I felt that I was in store for an explosive weekend when I stepped off the plane. I now feel like I wrong. I’m just not big time enough to really have the kind of time I would like to have when I become official. Why do I feel this way? Because of nights like these....
The names have been changed to protect the guilty...
The second night I was there, my boy “Jimmy” suggested that we go to club PURE. Supposedly it was going to be a big time event because it was Rampage Jackson’s after party (I found out later that he won his fight, helping build the hype for the night). Jimmy, “Billy”, and I got to the club at 9:30 P.M. and the line was already like 1,000 people long. I was not trying to wait that long to get into this place.
I walked up to the front of the line and asked the guy how long it would be before we got in. He let me know that it would take about 2-2.5 hours to get to the front, and that it would cost $40 when we got there (our bootleg free passes meant nothin). As I was walking back to our group, a guy near the front yells out “Haha! You tried that basketball B.S. to try to get V.I.P. and that sh*t didn’t work!” Check it out...
The names have been changed to protect the guilty...
The second night I was there, my boy “Jimmy” suggested that we go to club PURE. Supposedly it was going to be a big time event because it was Rampage Jackson’s after party (I found out later that he won his fight, helping build the hype for the night). Jimmy, “Billy”, and I got to the club at 9:30 P.M. and the line was already like 1,000 people long. I was not trying to wait that long to get into this place.
I walked up to the front of the line and asked the guy how long it would be before we got in. He let me know that it would take about 2-2.5 hours to get to the front, and that it would cost $40 when we got there (our bootleg free passes meant nothin). As I was walking back to our group, a guy near the front yells out “Haha! You tried that basketball B.S. to try to get V.I.P. and that sh*t didn’t work!” Check it out...
Escape From Philly!
May/24/2007 11:18 AM Filed in: Random
Last week, I took a trip to Lancaster, PA, to visit a friend of mine. I must say that every single day I was there, I was involved in a situation I had never been a part of before. Like things that people may never have happen to them in their lives. I’ll just get right to them...
One day I was at the mall, with a couple friends and a little girl (my friends niece). As you can see, I had her up on my on my shoulders:
Check it out...
One day I was at the mall, with a couple friends and a little girl (my friends niece). As you can see, I had her up on my on my shoulders:
Check it out...
You Don't Have the Balls!
May/07/2007 11:17 AM Filed in: Random
While in L.A., I got to spend time with my boy Alex. Alex went to UCLA where he was in AEPi fraternity. Basically, because of him and Noose (also an AEPi), I spent a ton of time at AEPi over the years. I became very much a part of the Jewish frat life. Anyways, Alex invited me to their “Jungle Party” on thursday night. I didn’t think he would be so hyped up for it considering we have been out of college for about a year. Well for whatever reason he was real hyped so we decided to go.
At about 9pm that night, we met up with his other Frat brothers for a little pre-party in Westwood. While there, talk of my blog sprung up somehow. All of a sudden everyone is saying how they need to make the night a “blog worthy” night. I’m sitting there in disbelief. They actually want to do something so ridiculous that it would end up as fodder for tmrb.com? Who was I to stop them? I sat there and watched as they all put their hands in (like the way teammates do in sports before breaking a huddle) and say “Get in Rod’s blog on three. 1. 2. 3. Get in Rod’s blog!” Thats when the drinking picked up. Everyone was even more hyped up for the night now that there was a common interest. Check it out...
At about 9pm that night, we met up with his other Frat brothers for a little pre-party in Westwood. While there, talk of my blog sprung up somehow. All of a sudden everyone is saying how they need to make the night a “blog worthy” night. I’m sitting there in disbelief. They actually want to do something so ridiculous that it would end up as fodder for tmrb.com? Who was I to stop them? I sat there and watched as they all put their hands in (like the way teammates do in sports before breaking a huddle) and say “Get in Rod’s blog on three. 1. 2. 3. Get in Rod’s blog!” Thats when the drinking picked up. Everyone was even more hyped up for the night now that there was a common interest. Check it out...
The Many Faces of Rod Benson
May/07/2007 11:15 AM Filed in: Random
I have one rule when out on the town. The only rule I have is that if someone asks to take a picture with me, I have to get one with MY camera too. You may be surprised how many people want to take a photo with me. I dont think its for any special reason other than the fact that people are overjoyed by my tallness. “Hey, look he’s 7 inches taller than my uncle who I thought was tall!”
Anyways what basically ends up happening is I end up with a ton of ridiculous photos because I tend to make a certain face in the photo so that I remember my feelings at the time. I wake up the next day and check my camera and realize how ridiculous some of these situations really were. Here are a few my recent faces and the best analysis of why I made that face at that time:
Check it out...
Anyways what basically ends up happening is I end up with a ton of ridiculous photos because I tend to make a certain face in the photo so that I remember my feelings at the time. I wake up the next day and check my camera and realize how ridiculous some of these situations really were. Here are a few my recent faces and the best analysis of why I made that face at that time:
Check it out...
Jerome Beasely Strikes Back
April/17/2007 11:09 AM Filed in: Dakota
If you remember before, Jerome Beasely claimed that he can do everything. If it can be done, he can do it. Well I got flooded with suggestions of things you thought he couldn’t do. You were all wrong. He can do everything you asked of him. Yea, that’s right. Everything. I know some of you are like “No way, mine was IMPOSSIBLE.” Alas, he can do them all. The only thing he says he can’t do is be a woman, so those of you who suggested pregnancy win by default I guess. Everyone else? You lose. He can do them all...well, so he says. I picked out some of my favorites that were sent to me so you can be the judge. Is JB all talk or can he really do everything? Let’s see...
Check it out...
Check it out...
We Got It Done - No Homo
April/15/2007 11:07 AM Filed in: Dakota
You’ve seen it a hundred times. There is a team who wins a championship. They head back to the locker room jubilant as the camera crews follow them in. The lockers are already covered with plastic and the hats and t-shirts are already coming out the their boxes. All of a sudden, someone pops open a bottle of champagne and the madness begins. That’s what it’s all about. Champions.
Well, as the new D-League regular season champions, we had a very similar celebration. We walked back up to the second floor of the Austin convention center. We made our way into the locker room and said a few “no-homo” jokes. There was no plastic to cover the lockers, and there were no t-shirts and hats. There was no champagne either. There were 13 guys -- 10 players, 2 coaches, 1 trainer -- and a bottle of cheap vodka. “Pour me a shot into this Gatorade bottle.” Thus the celebration began. Each of us toasted our Gatorade “Rain” - Vodka mix. The strain of a long season showed on pretty much everyones faces. As for me, it was kind of funny, yet fitting. This was the exact place I had started the season back in November: in Austin, as a Toro, under the late Dennis Johnson, playing the small forward, starting out the season 0-12, not knowing a thing about pro basketball. Now I’ve got my drink, toasting the best record in the League for the Wizards, playing the post, living in North Dakota. Funny how that works. There was actually a pretty tight celebration when we got back to Bismarck. Some of our greatest fans were waiting for us at the airport which was awesome. That is why when we win the whole thing I will feel much more rewarded, because the fans will be there to take it in with us. Check it out...
Well, as the new D-League regular season champions, we had a very similar celebration. We walked back up to the second floor of the Austin convention center. We made our way into the locker room and said a few “no-homo” jokes. There was no plastic to cover the lockers, and there were no t-shirts and hats. There was no champagne either. There were 13 guys -- 10 players, 2 coaches, 1 trainer -- and a bottle of cheap vodka. “Pour me a shot into this Gatorade bottle.” Thus the celebration began. Each of us toasted our Gatorade “Rain” - Vodka mix. The strain of a long season showed on pretty much everyones faces. As for me, it was kind of funny, yet fitting. This was the exact place I had started the season back in November: in Austin, as a Toro, under the late Dennis Johnson, playing the small forward, starting out the season 0-12, not knowing a thing about pro basketball. Now I’ve got my drink, toasting the best record in the League for the Wizards, playing the post, living in North Dakota. Funny how that works. There was actually a pretty tight celebration when we got back to Bismarck. Some of our greatest fans were waiting for us at the airport which was awesome. That is why when we win the whole thing I will feel much more rewarded, because the fans will be there to take it in with us. Check it out...
D-League-ing It
April/02/2007 11:05 AM Filed in: Dakota
I haven’t written a thing in 3 weeks. Why? Well I’ll say it has 30% to do with the fact that I play Madden during my usual blog time, but also because I was in the middle of a very productive month on the court. Since I’ve sucked the last few games, I guess I can get back to my old bloggin’ ways.
It’s been a long few weeks but there havent been a lot of developments on and off the court. This month saw such events as my 27 point 14 rebound game, but also such events as my 2 point 3 rebound game where I was ejected with two techs. Yea, me, Rod Benson ejected with two techs. People who know me know that it takes quite a lot to get me mad. Many people dont even know what an angry, frustrated, kick-me-out-of-the-game-before-I-lose-my-mind Rod Benson looks like...here’s an example:
Check it out...
It’s been a long few weeks but there havent been a lot of developments on and off the court. This month saw such events as my 27 point 14 rebound game, but also such events as my 2 point 3 rebound game where I was ejected with two techs. Yea, me, Rod Benson ejected with two techs. People who know me know that it takes quite a lot to get me mad. Many people dont even know what an angry, frustrated, kick-me-out-of-the-game-before-I-lose-my-mind Rod Benson looks like...here’s an example:
Check it out...
Me vs The Madden Racist
March/30/2007 11:04 AM Filed in: Random
As many of you may or may not have read, I like to play Madden NFL 2007. Actually, that’s a hell of an understatement, I love Madden. I love it like my child, or my wife. In my last post about Madden, I made all of these things clear. Now I would say that I am more in love than ever. I want to renew my vows to Madden because it makes me feel so good on a daily basis. Yea, I said it. You may think I’m crazy now, but thats ok. Im crazy in love... with my XBOX 360 and Madden.
I was sitting in my living room on a snowy day 3 weeks ago, when it dawned on me to go get a 360 so I could play Madden. So I did. It didnt take long before I realized that the 360 version is completely different than the PS2 one used to be, and that I would need time to adjust. So I called my teammate over who claimed to be good and we played a game. He actually beat me like 65-63. I couldn’t believe I lost. I hadnt lost a game since back in September 2006, weeks after the game came out. I then decided to go online and join the Madden Nation. Here I could test my skills, day in and day out, and prove to myself what kind of player I could be. I have since beaten him 10 straight times. He quit every one for fear of the score getting out of control.
Check it out...
I was sitting in my living room on a snowy day 3 weeks ago, when it dawned on me to go get a 360 so I could play Madden. So I did. It didnt take long before I realized that the 360 version is completely different than the PS2 one used to be, and that I would need time to adjust. So I called my teammate over who claimed to be good and we played a game. He actually beat me like 65-63. I couldn’t believe I lost. I hadnt lost a game since back in September 2006, weeks after the game came out. I then decided to go online and join the Madden Nation. Here I could test my skills, day in and day out, and prove to myself what kind of player I could be. I have since beaten him 10 straight times. He quit every one for fear of the score getting out of control.
Check it out...
Funny MySpace Messages 6
March/11/2007 10:49 AM Filed in: MySpace Messages
Uh oh, looks like it’s time for the 6th edition of funny myspace messages. For whatever reason, you all seem to like these the best. I still think they are absurd, but hey, I’ll play along if it means somebody will think it’s funny. Well enough for the intro, I’ve got what you came here for, so let’s get into it...
Underage women will just never get it. First there was “ScoobyDoo”:
Check it out...
Underage women will just never get it. First there was “ScoobyDoo”:
Check it out...Pick-Up Attempt
March/10/2007 10:46 AM Filed in: Dakota
I see some of the most ridiculous pick up attempts of all time, almost on a daily basis. Usually it’s along the lines of a loud yell like “AY!” or, “Can I buy you a drink?”, or something else that I know that the girl can’t possibly go for, but sometimes it’s a little worse.
A few days ago I saw one of the funnier attempts I’ve seen in a while took place right in front of me. I was at a local restaurant with a teammate of mine. When we get seated, he notices a waitress on the other side of the restaurant and asks our waiter to re-seat us to the woman’s section. I had already gotten my Lemonade and now this guy wants to move. We get over there and she is a pretty attractive girl, so I’m interested to see what my teammate is gonna do. She comes over to take our orders. I say something along the way that makes her smile before she leaves. He says to me that this is his girl, he’ll handle it. Then, just to mess with my teammate, I tell him that I’m gonna make a move and give her my business card. Haha, he knows that he can’t match the card, so he asks another waiter for a pen and some paper. He takes the paper and starts writing a note. I tell him that the whole note thing is a little bit junior high. He should man up and ask her for her number. He says to me, dead serious “I would, but I don’t know if that guy got her number earlier. Besides you can’t come at white girls like that, you need to say this cheesy $h!^ to get them to smile. Besides, she might be intimidated by all of us being here at once.” I lean over and read as he writes:
Check it out...
A few days ago I saw one of the funnier attempts I’ve seen in a while took place right in front of me. I was at a local restaurant with a teammate of mine. When we get seated, he notices a waitress on the other side of the restaurant and asks our waiter to re-seat us to the woman’s section. I had already gotten my Lemonade and now this guy wants to move. We get over there and she is a pretty attractive girl, so I’m interested to see what my teammate is gonna do. She comes over to take our orders. I say something along the way that makes her smile before she leaves. He says to me that this is his girl, he’ll handle it. Then, just to mess with my teammate, I tell him that I’m gonna make a move and give her my business card. Haha, he knows that he can’t match the card, so he asks another waiter for a pen and some paper. He takes the paper and starts writing a note. I tell him that the whole note thing is a little bit junior high. He should man up and ask her for her number. He says to me, dead serious “I would, but I don’t know if that guy got her number earlier. Besides you can’t come at white girls like that, you need to say this cheesy $h!^ to get them to smile. Besides, she might be intimidated by all of us being here at once.” I lean over and read as he writes:
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Fast Times in North and South Dakota
March/10/2007 10:43 AM Filed in: Dakota
It’s been a pretty uneventful couple of weeks since I last had anything worth saying, but I guess there have been enough developments to finally let everyone know how I’m livin.
Last time I wrote about Bismarck, I complained that it was way too cold, and snowy, and that the only girls I could find were fat and smoky. Well, things havent changed too much, but I’ll tell you what, it was 20 below back then and it’s 30 above now which feels like 80. I haven’t worn my gloves in weeks, and my jacket is currently more of an accessory than something to keep me warm. I know what you’re thinkin: “Hey, it’s only 30, you do need a jacket at all times.” I beg to differ, sweaters do the trick just fine right now, so I can’t complain about the cold too much. However it’s still cold enough for ice to be everywhere on the ground, meaning that if you take one false step, your ass is liable to end up back flipping onto your neck. I take little baby steps all the time to avoid the career ending injury that I’m sure is waiting for me.
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Last time I wrote about Bismarck, I complained that it was way too cold, and snowy, and that the only girls I could find were fat and smoky. Well, things havent changed too much, but I’ll tell you what, it was 20 below back then and it’s 30 above now which feels like 80. I haven’t worn my gloves in weeks, and my jacket is currently more of an accessory than something to keep me warm. I know what you’re thinkin: “Hey, it’s only 30, you do need a jacket at all times.” I beg to differ, sweaters do the trick just fine right now, so I can’t complain about the cold too much. However it’s still cold enough for ice to be everywhere on the ground, meaning that if you take one false step, your ass is liable to end up back flipping onto your neck. I take little baby steps all the time to avoid the career ending injury that I’m sure is waiting for me.
Check it out...
Trouble w Being Tall 2
February/19/2007 10:41 AM Filed in: Random
You wanna what else sucks if you’re tall? I’ll tell you... it’s kind of obvious, but it’s airplanes. So much about them is just retarded. Seriously, the airlines must think that anyone over 6’5” is just not allowed to fly. Considering that I have flown pretty much weekly for the last 5 years, I pretty much know exactly how to make a flight “comfortable” against all odds. However there are still certain things that will always be all bad.
Being tall has disadvantages as soon as you enter the airport. First thing, you gotta go through security. Don’t you dare worry about handing/showing your boarding pass while walking through the X-Ray machine or Whammy! Chances are good you’ll hit your head like I did. Check it out...
Being tall has disadvantages as soon as you enter the airport. First thing, you gotta go through security. Don’t you dare worry about handing/showing your boarding pass while walking through the X-Ray machine or Whammy! Chances are good you’ll hit your head like I did. Check it out...
Hollywood
February/10/2007 10:35 AM Filed in: Random
It really feels good to be back in California right now. It’s 66 degrees (I used to think that was a little cold), there are beautiful women, and there are things to do...a lot of things. We got in on Friday to play the Anaheim Arsenal on Saturday so it was pretty much official that I’d have to go out friday night to have any chance of offsetting the weeks of boredom spent in Bismarck. Seriously, I honestly, really, spent Tuesday - Friday sitting at the dining room table, eating Hamburger Helper (lasagna flavor of course), wearing nothing but boxers and a comforter, hitting “refresh” on my myspace home page. If that doesn’t sound lame to you, I don’t know what does, but I digress. Everyone was going out and taking advantage of the change of scenery. I had my whole entourage in town so I went out with them. To be more specific, there was Rell, JGANT, Renee, Christina, Alex, Mario, and Becca.
Some interesting notes about our night at the club:
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Some interesting notes about our night at the club:
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The Trouble with Being Tall
February/08/2007 10:32 AM Filed in: Random
I am consistently asked how tall I am. What usually follows is some mention of how cool it is to be tall or how the person wishes they could be tall too. I must admit that it is pretty great, but there are times when being tall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve decided to highlight those times so that you realize that sometimes it’s just not as easy as you think.
In this particular blog we look at the “public bathroom.”
Im sure none of you ever thought about what it takes for a successful trip to a public bathroom when you’re 6’10”. The answer is really not that much, but it’s still hella awkward. For example: the urinals are all just a little too low. Think about any public bathroom you’ve ever been in. If it was a big one then chances are that there was that urinal that’s about a foot lower than the rest that’s made for little kids or whoever. Now imagine that they’re all like that. 5 urinals that are all too low...now you have to CONCENTRATE. One lapse in concentration may lead to wet shoes and floor, or worse yet, wetness on the shoes of your neighbor which is never cool.
Check it out...
In this particular blog we look at the “public bathroom.”
Im sure none of you ever thought about what it takes for a successful trip to a public bathroom when you’re 6’10”. The answer is really not that much, but it’s still hella awkward. For example: the urinals are all just a little too low. Think about any public bathroom you’ve ever been in. If it was a big one then chances are that there was that urinal that’s about a foot lower than the rest that’s made for little kids or whoever. Now imagine that they’re all like that. 5 urinals that are all too low...now you have to CONCENTRATE. One lapse in concentration may lead to wet shoes and floor, or worse yet, wetness on the shoes of your neighbor which is never cool.
Check it out...Funny MySpace Messages 5
January/26/2007 10:30 AM Filed in: MySpace Messages
I think I should just accept the fact that 15 year old girls will send me messages. I used to get all mad, but ahh what the heck...I guess at the end of the day it’s a compliment...right? Hahahah Psych! Yea right. These little girls really, really, think that I’ll respond to them. Im 22 years old! Why in the world would I respond to you? Take this young lady for example:
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Check it out...Bismarck, North Dakota
January/22/2007 10:28 AM Filed in: Dakota
As you know, or dont know, I live in Bismarck. I just got off the phone with my boy Future who didnt know I was here yet. When I told him I was out here he said “Mann I dont even know what to say to that. It’s like you just told me you moved out to the moon or something.” I can understand his sentiments because I feel like I moved to the moon. It’s a crazy lifestyle to just up and go from Austin, to LA, to Bismarck in a matter of 7 days, but I did it. Anyways, Im gonna lay a few things out there so you get a good idea of what “the moon” is really like:
1. Its cold. When I got in everyone was like “youre gonna freeze man, you dont have a jacket?” And I would always answer “No, I dont have a jacket, but Ill only be outside for a few seconds anyways so it really doesnt matter. WRONG. No, I wasnt wrong about the few seconds part, but even in a few seconds, the coldness can just overtake you. I left LA and it was 82 degrees. When I got into Bismarck it was 14 below zero. Thats a 96 degree difference right there. Every breath I take out here my lungs feel like a rusty bike chain....STRUGGLIN! I had to walk to Carl’s JR. It started out as a walk, but I was soon jogging so that I wouldnt get stuck in place. When I was coming back my hand froze itself to the cup of my sprite. There were 6 consecutive days of 20 under or colder. Yesterday it was 1. If that didnt make any sense to you it’s probably because you arent used to seeing 1 written as a temperature. It was 1 degree yesterday. And to be honest it felt soo0o0o warm outside. I felt like I was baked into an apple pie...warm and toasty out on the counter top and it was really only 1 outside. I invested in a new coat and a pari of gloves. Those two things, right now, are worth more to me than a baby is to Britney Spears. Anyways, I just wanted to reiterate that it’s cold. Oh, and they make me pump the gas cuz Im a rookie and the gloves make me cry tears of joy now.
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1. Its cold. When I got in everyone was like “youre gonna freeze man, you dont have a jacket?” And I would always answer “No, I dont have a jacket, but Ill only be outside for a few seconds anyways so it really doesnt matter. WRONG. No, I wasnt wrong about the few seconds part, but even in a few seconds, the coldness can just overtake you. I left LA and it was 82 degrees. When I got into Bismarck it was 14 below zero. Thats a 96 degree difference right there. Every breath I take out here my lungs feel like a rusty bike chain....STRUGGLIN! I had to walk to Carl’s JR. It started out as a walk, but I was soon jogging so that I wouldnt get stuck in place. When I was coming back my hand froze itself to the cup of my sprite. There were 6 consecutive days of 20 under or colder. Yesterday it was 1. If that didnt make any sense to you it’s probably because you arent used to seeing 1 written as a temperature. It was 1 degree yesterday. And to be honest it felt soo0o0o warm outside. I felt like I was baked into an apple pie...warm and toasty out on the counter top and it was really only 1 outside. I invested in a new coat and a pari of gloves. Those two things, right now, are worth more to me than a baby is to Britney Spears. Anyways, I just wanted to reiterate that it’s cold. Oh, and they make me pump the gas cuz Im a rookie and the gloves make me cry tears of joy now.
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Funny MySpace Messages 4
January/01/2007 10:26 AM Filed in: MySpace Messages
So Im thinking that November was national “Holla at a Fat Girl” month or somethin. Forreal I had an inordinate amount of ridiculous messages from the big girls this month. I guess they just love me. Like Kim:
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Check it out...Funny MySpace Messages 3
January/01/2007 10:21 AM Filed in: MySpace Messages
Im just gonna dive right into this one. Now the first thing Ill show u isnt a message, persay, but when u have a photo like this person, u send alot more than any message ever could. Now the caption under this main photo read “Is this Sexy?” Ill let u be the judge:
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Check it out...