Boom Tho Girl of the Month: February
February/21/2008 03:11 PM Filed in: BTGOM
Due to busyness on my end, I'm a little late on the new Boom Tho Girl of the month. I had planned to coordinate the "Boom Tho Girl" video with the Feb. GOTM (Girl of the Month), but sadly, I have been overwhelmed with All-Star stuff and Yahoo!
Anyways, first things first. Thanks to everyone who emailed Julia Allison my behalf. To be honest, I emailed her on my behalf as well. Somewhat surprisingly, she responded to me. Wanna know what she said? Good, I thought so:
Hi Rod!!
You're a bundle of joy. Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I
will put
it in my official biography, for sure.
A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually - with really
positive
comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all
night
working and am more than a little loopy!!
Anyway, I think you're fabulous!
Xo
julia
Let's take a moment to analyze what just happened here. I'll go sentence by sentence.
"You're a bundle of joy" -- She is already calling me her baby. Good sign.
"Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put it in my official biography for sure
" -- She wants to let our love unfurl.
"A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually -- with really positive comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
" -- Peer pressure got to her, it would seem.
"God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all night working and am more than a little loopy!!" -- She has been uncontrollably winking and smiling all night because of me.
"Anyway, I think you're fabulous!" -- She thinks I would be the perfect father for her children, obviously.
Now that that's done, it's time to introduce the new Boom Tho GOTM. I guess I'll start with a story about her because I actually know this one, or knew her back in the day.
When I was in high school, I wasn't very big time at all. I was actually a ridiculously late bloomer as evidenced here in this very good retelling of my high school days. I always had a kind of attitude that allowed me to lie to myself and think that I was something more than I was, and that helped me to where I am now. I never settled for what I was supposed to settle for.
That being said, girls weren't exactly a different story. I could have maybe gotten with some of the riff raff (you know what I mean), but I always aspired to get with the girls that were way out of my league. Well, like Seth in "Superbad", I was fatefully partnered with a certain girl for autoshop class. She was easily one of the best looking girls out of the 3200 students at Torrey Pines High and for some reason she was partnered with me.
Needless to say I was happy to be have an opportunity to show my charisma and charm on a daily basis. We changed oil and rotated tires. We laughed about how useless most of the work was and preferred to do most our assignments on her BMW rather than on my 88 Cadillac Coupe DeVille.
I felt like we were flirtatious enough at the time for me to possibly turn a corner. You gotta understand that a facebook poke didn't exist back then, so I was gonna have to do something else if I wanted to get her to go to prom with "just enough Rod Benson". I, being the computer nerd I was (this was before computer nerds were fashionable), made a "Will you go to prom with me?" website that I was going to show her during lunch. I knew she'd say yes because I was the man.
Well, I walked her into the library where the computers were, but before we reached the computer area, the second bell rang. The second bell meant get your ass to class or else.
"What were you going to show me anyway?" she asked me.
"I'll show you later, don't worry," I responded.
Lunch ended, class began, and dreams were shattered. Right after school she was asked by somebody else. That same day I was so close, but ousted by the second lunch bell.
We continued our flirtatious ways during class and when we graduated, we agreed to meet up in LA when I played UCLA. She said she was gonna go up there to be a model. Three weeks after graduation her phone number changed and we didn't speak again.
Two years later, I was watching TV and this commercial came on:
I kept telling people things like "I used to change her oil, if you know what I mean," I don't think they even believed it in the literal way I meant it. I guess she ended up being pretty big time doing whatever it was she was doing.
So, since it's my site and I can do whatever I want with whatever I want, I've decided that she will be the second Boom Tho GOTM. Her name is Callie Garrison, and a long time ago I rotated her tires, if you know what I mean. Like I took the tires off her car and put them back on is what I mean. Now she has a boyfriend and all that, so she's not exactly ready like spaghetti. Still, she's the Old Spice girl and I'm the leader of the Boom Tho movement. Guess, I'm still a computer nerd, but it's fashionable now.
Anyways, first things first. Thanks to everyone who emailed Julia Allison my behalf. To be honest, I emailed her on my behalf as well. Somewhat surprisingly, she responded to me. Wanna know what she said? Good, I thought so:
Hi Rod!!
You're a bundle of joy. Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put
it in my official biography, for sure.
A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually - with really
positive
comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all
night
working and am more than a little loopy!!
Anyway, I think you're fabulous!
Xo
julia
Let's take a moment to analyze what just happened here. I'll go sentence by sentence.
"You're a bundle of joy" -- She is already calling me her baby. Good sign.
"Thanks for making me a Boom Tho Girl
I will put it in my official biography for sure" -- She wants to let our love unfurl. "A lot of people forwarded that link to me, actually -- with really positive comments about you!! You have a ton of fans
" -- Peer pressure got to her, it would seem. "God, could I use any more emoticons in this email?? I've been up all night working and am more than a little loopy!!" -- She has been uncontrollably winking and smiling all night because of me.
"Anyway, I think you're fabulous!" -- She thinks I would be the perfect father for her children, obviously.
Now that that's done, it's time to introduce the new Boom Tho GOTM. I guess I'll start with a story about her because I actually know this one, or knew her back in the day.
When I was in high school, I wasn't very big time at all. I was actually a ridiculously late bloomer as evidenced here in this very good retelling of my high school days. I always had a kind of attitude that allowed me to lie to myself and think that I was something more than I was, and that helped me to where I am now. I never settled for what I was supposed to settle for.
That being said, girls weren't exactly a different story. I could have maybe gotten with some of the riff raff (you know what I mean), but I always aspired to get with the girls that were way out of my league. Well, like Seth in "Superbad", I was fatefully partnered with a certain girl for autoshop class. She was easily one of the best looking girls out of the 3200 students at Torrey Pines High and for some reason she was partnered with me.
Needless to say I was happy to be have an opportunity to show my charisma and charm on a daily basis. We changed oil and rotated tires. We laughed about how useless most of the work was and preferred to do most our assignments on her BMW rather than on my 88 Cadillac Coupe DeVille.
I felt like we were flirtatious enough at the time for me to possibly turn a corner. You gotta understand that a facebook poke didn't exist back then, so I was gonna have to do something else if I wanted to get her to go to prom with "just enough Rod Benson". I, being the computer nerd I was (this was before computer nerds were fashionable), made a "Will you go to prom with me?" website that I was going to show her during lunch. I knew she'd say yes because I was the man.
Well, I walked her into the library where the computers were, but before we reached the computer area, the second bell rang. The second bell meant get your ass to class or else.
"What were you going to show me anyway?" she asked me.
"I'll show you later, don't worry," I responded.
Lunch ended, class began, and dreams were shattered. Right after school she was asked by somebody else. That same day I was so close, but ousted by the second lunch bell.
We continued our flirtatious ways during class and when we graduated, we agreed to meet up in LA when I played UCLA. She said she was gonna go up there to be a model. Three weeks after graduation her phone number changed and we didn't speak again.
Two years later, I was watching TV and this commercial came on:
I kept telling people things like "I used to change her oil, if you know what I mean," I don't think they even believed it in the literal way I meant it. I guess she ended up being pretty big time doing whatever it was she was doing.
So, since it's my site and I can do whatever I want with whatever I want, I've decided that she will be the second Boom Tho GOTM. Her name is Callie Garrison, and a long time ago I rotated her tires, if you know what I mean. Like I took the tires off her car and put them back on is what I mean. Now she has a boyfriend and all that, so she's not exactly ready like spaghetti. Still, she's the Old Spice girl and I'm the leader of the Boom Tho movement. Guess, I'm still a computer nerd, but it's fashionable now.
|
Is it O.K.?
February/20/2008 03:09 PM Filed in: Random
This is very simple. I am going to ask a question, then tell the story behind it, then ask the question again. Is it O.K.?
1. Is it O.K. to bump someone with your elbow while on an airplane?
I was flying somewhere recently. Since I was on the inside and there was very little room, the arm rest of lifted up. What this meant was that the guy next to me was already rubbing shoulders with me for the entire flight. I guess that's how it goes.
Well, I fell asleep and I woke up to elbow bumping me. I look over and this guy has his hands on his balls, scratching those bad boys like a coddamn scratch and sniff sticker. Guy's elbow was bumping only because of the ferocity of the ball scratch. I looked at him in the eye and waited for him to stop, but he didn't. The scratching only came to a halt when I coughed extremely loud to get his attention. Still, he didn't look like he was ashamed or sorry. He actually looked a little annoyed.
So, I ask you, is it O.K. to bump someone with your elbow while SCRATCHING YOUR BALLS on an airplane?
2. Is it O.K. to copy your friends business card?
Last year about this time, I thought it would be cool to have a business card that had the toomuchrodbenson.com on it. While trying to figure out what else to put on there, I decided on my phone number, email address, and "professional basketball player" for the work info. Still, I thought that it needed something more. It needed something that defined me and separated me from everyone else with the boring card.
JGant and I talked about it and he suggested that I use my MySpace display name: "The Renaissance Man". It was a great idea. I already go be that name on myspace, so why not add it to the card to give it a kick on hilarity? My final card said that I was a "Professional Basketball Player / Renaissance Man". It always gets a good reaction.
Well, a few months later, JGant called me and told me that his card had finally been ordered. I was excited because we hadn't talked about the card issue since I had gotten mine in the mail. I asked him what his looked like and he emailed me the preview picture.
J. Gant Renaissance Man
Boom Tho 415- XXX-XXXX
I was like "Jason, what the hell is this?"
"What you mean what is this?" he asked.
"I mean why does your card say that you are the renaissance man?"
"I couldn't figure out what to put so I just put that. It just works so well."
"Well, it's on my card too buddy. Now we are just team renaissance?"
"It's not like we will give them to the same people, Rod."
"Of course we will! We do all the same things with all the same people! This is ricodamdiculous right now."
The dialogue continued for a while, but it was too late. JGant and I now had the same title on our cards. Not just any title, but MY title, and a memorable ad distinguishable title at that. Great, just great.
So around new years when I was down in LA, the two of us went to AREA nightclub to get our party on. I got in before J and went right to the bar. The bartender was very attractive and flirtatious, so I stayed there for a long time. I ordered all my drinks from her and kept my dancing to that part of the club. Well when the night was done, I went to hand her my card, just in case you know, and she starts reading it.
"Is this a joke?" she asked me.
"No, no jokes here," I answered in my best 'get the girl' voice.
"Well, your friend, the other renaissance man, already gave me his card earlier."
I walked away. I kept walking until I found JGant.
"You gave her your card too! The coddamn renaissance man!"
"What you mean bro? The bartender? Oh yea, she said I had no chance so I just slid her the card real quick."
"No way. I did have a chance and the renaissance man thing killed it. I knew this was happen."
So, I ask you, is it ok to copy your friends business card?
3. Is it OK to act crazy in the street late at night?
The story behind this can be seen right here:
1. Is it O.K. to bump someone with your elbow while on an airplane?
I was flying somewhere recently. Since I was on the inside and there was very little room, the arm rest of lifted up. What this meant was that the guy next to me was already rubbing shoulders with me for the entire flight. I guess that's how it goes.
Well, I fell asleep and I woke up to elbow bumping me. I look over and this guy has his hands on his balls, scratching those bad boys like a coddamn scratch and sniff sticker. Guy's elbow was bumping only because of the ferocity of the ball scratch. I looked at him in the eye and waited for him to stop, but he didn't. The scratching only came to a halt when I coughed extremely loud to get his attention. Still, he didn't look like he was ashamed or sorry. He actually looked a little annoyed.
So, I ask you, is it O.K. to bump someone with your elbow while SCRATCHING YOUR BALLS on an airplane?
2. Is it O.K. to copy your friends business card?
Last year about this time, I thought it would be cool to have a business card that had the toomuchrodbenson.com on it. While trying to figure out what else to put on there, I decided on my phone number, email address, and "professional basketball player" for the work info. Still, I thought that it needed something more. It needed something that defined me and separated me from everyone else with the boring card.
JGant and I talked about it and he suggested that I use my MySpace display name: "The Renaissance Man". It was a great idea. I already go be that name on myspace, so why not add it to the card to give it a kick on hilarity? My final card said that I was a "Professional Basketball Player / Renaissance Man". It always gets a good reaction.
Well, a few months later, JGant called me and told me that his card had finally been ordered. I was excited because we hadn't talked about the card issue since I had gotten mine in the mail. I asked him what his looked like and he emailed me the preview picture.
J. Gant Renaissance Man
Boom Tho 415- XXX-XXXX
I was like "Jason, what the hell is this?"
"What you mean what is this?" he asked.
"I mean why does your card say that you are the renaissance man?"
"I couldn't figure out what to put so I just put that. It just works so well."
"Well, it's on my card too buddy. Now we are just team renaissance?"
"It's not like we will give them to the same people, Rod."
"Of course we will! We do all the same things with all the same people! This is ricodamdiculous right now."
The dialogue continued for a while, but it was too late. JGant and I now had the same title on our cards. Not just any title, but MY title, and a memorable ad distinguishable title at that. Great, just great.
So around new years when I was down in LA, the two of us went to AREA nightclub to get our party on. I got in before J and went right to the bar. The bartender was very attractive and flirtatious, so I stayed there for a long time. I ordered all my drinks from her and kept my dancing to that part of the club. Well when the night was done, I went to hand her my card, just in case you know, and she starts reading it.
"Is this a joke?" she asked me.
"No, no jokes here," I answered in my best 'get the girl' voice.
"Well, your friend, the other renaissance man, already gave me his card earlier."
I walked away. I kept walking until I found JGant.
"You gave her your card too! The coddamn renaissance man!"
"What you mean bro? The bartender? Oh yea, she said I had no chance so I just slid her the card real quick."
"No way. I did have a chance and the renaissance man thing killed it. I knew this was happen."
So, I ask you, is it ok to copy your friends business card?
3. Is it OK to act crazy in the street late at night?
The story behind this can be seen right here: